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A Menagerie of Hassles

The Question

The Question

Eternal
So for the last 8 months, I've been stuck with a 2008 vintage piece of shit base model all-in-one computer from HP. Had to put Windows 10 on it because the OS it came with, Windows 8.1, is absolute wizard ass (meaning that it would fuck up in ways which were not even consistent with the basic principle of cause and effect.) Windows 10, on the other hand, is consistently updated to run on comparatively modern hardware, meaning that drivers for the parts in this fucking antique are almost a decade old -- at the most recent.

In consequence of this, the WiFi card (abg class) constantly drops its connection to the network. In consequence of that, the only way to remain connected consistently is via ethernet cable. Fun thing about this house: there are four coax cables wired in here; only two of which work properly.

So my computer is in the living room, connected via ethernet cable to the modem/router.

And then... and thennnnn... I do a friend a favor. I let him stay here. All in all, it's not the worst arrangement ever. He's looking for a job, not that he's chasing it ferociously, and there isn't a lot of employment opportunity in rural Iowa unless he wanted to hire on at a farm or something. So far he contributes in a barter arrangement -- work for room and board. Painting shit, doing the cooking, etc.

Here's where it's a hassle -- all day today when I've been trying to find a little bit of good porn, he's walked past the living room. Not video shit, pictures, so I know it's a total coincidence... but it's been happening consistently. All... day... long.
 
Still... happening. I flip over to FetLife and *bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp!* back down the stairs and past the screen! Gods dammit! :pissed:
 
Had to tell the dumb fucker today to police the lights. See, past the kitchen, there's a very short hallway -- to the right is the bathroom, to the left is the door to the basement. Repeatedly, over the past few days, he's been leaving the hallway, bathroom, and basement lights on. I've been going in there and shutting them off.

Got to the point where I'm like, "Fuck, this is gonna drive the electric bill up." Told him to start policing the lights. "Dude, when you walk out of the bathroom, shut the bathroom light off. Shut the basement light off. Shut the hallways light off.

I feel like I'm "Dad"-ing.
 
Yeah. You find out all of a person's weird, annoying-ass quirks. Like this morning, go to brew a pot of coffee. Literally every component of the coffee making process had been relocated to places that made zero fucking sense.

Coffee? Where the bread goes. Coffee filters? Stacked in the cereal bowls. Trash can next to the counter? Inside one of the lower cupboards. Like... fuckin' why? I could see moving shit around, if A. where he put it make more sense for the coffee brewing routine, or at least B. dude ever even fuckin' makes coffee.

Nope, just random relocation of shit for its own sake, apparently.
 
If I may briefly sidetrack your thread since you mentioned FetLife...I think I mentioned my term, "fetish-hot," here. In my experience, it is a lowering of standards akin to Jesus pop or modern country compared to mainstream music. You arrange to get together with the hottest girl from a fetish meetup at a vanilla place and are shocked to find she's the fattest ugliest girl in the place. While I crave the idea of a fetish event, the reality is that instead of being hot and kinky, it is inevitably a bunch of fat pasty-face ugly people with long stringy hair, sitting around talking while maybe a couple fat ugly naked people take turns spanking each other. And there's always 3 guys for every girl and any girl who is remotely hot is either a lesbian or is there with a guy.
 
Volpone said:
If I may briefly sidetrack your thread since you mentioned FetLife...I think I mentioned my term, "fetish-hot," here. In my experience, it is a lowering of standards akin to Jesus pop or modern country compared to mainstream music. You arrange to get together with the hottest girl from a fetish meetup at a vanilla place and are shocked to find she's the fattest ugliest girl in the place. While I crave the idea of a fetish event, the reality is that instead of being hot and kinky, it is inevitably a bunch of fat pasty-face ugly people with long stringy hair, sitting around talking while maybe a couple fat ugly naked people take turns spanking each other. And there's always 3 guys for every girl and any girl who is remotely hot is either a lesbian or is there with a guy.
Click to expand...

You're right, of course. I've been to one such meetup, when I still lived in Tempe; this took place, maaaaybe a decade ago now. It was the most excruciatingly dull "event" I've ever been to. There was one fatty, a mudshark accompanied by her pet buck. Other than that, a lot of old people, weirdly enough, we're talking late 50s through mid 70s.

Amusing bit about getting a bunch of people together whose only connection with each other is being kinky -- but get them together in a public venue where they don't talk about kinky shit: They have nothing much to talk about. That's actually a rule at some of those meetups -- they don't talk about kink. The one thing they have in common is the one subject they can't touch. So for the most part they just sit there sipping their coffee and staring at each other awkwardly. I had to leave, because the longer it went on, the funnier it got, and I was still trying to be a relatively nice person, didn't want to fall out laughing at 'em.

Separately, I did score one broad through FetLife, but she was a 5.5, 6 tops. Attainable-but-not-entirely-regrettable.

Other than as a source of humor, the place holds minimal interest 99% of the time -- and that's what made it so damnably annoying that, just in that 1% instance where I found some images that got my attention, it was then that the roommate couldn't seem to find somewhere to be other than constantly walking past the desk.
 
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jack said:
Your roommate sounds like he has issues.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't say any more than the usual middle aged loser. A couple felonies, a failed marriage, a kid he doesn't have custody of. Were not for me, he'd probably be a bum in San Diego right now, which between the Kung Flu and the violent niggershines in most cities wouldn't be a place for anybody to be if somebody cares enough to drag 'em out of there. Having known the fucker for over 20 years, I guess I was enough of a dope to care.
 
Another problem with Fetlife is miscommunication on the kink lists. A girl says she's "into" breathplay and what that means to her is that she wants you to grab her throat while you screw her. Next thing you know, you've got her strapped to a chair naked with a plastic grocery bag pulled tight over her heat, spraying her with a garden hose and somehow *you're* the bad guy. [ramen]
 
Update:

So this morning, after basically staying out of the kitchen for a week, beyond the microwave, I look in the sink.

I guess Dipshit left some dishes in there to "soak" -- from the look of things, back in 1933. Fucking gross. Stagnant water with various colors of shit in it. So aside from just generally disorganizing the fuck out of the kitchen, he's now turned it into a fucking fly magnet.

Y'know, as much as I need the dude to stick around and contribute, his ledger is getting damned iffy (somebody needs to get into the back end of this board and convince it to un-italicize with a keyboard key combo. 'Kay? Thanks.) when it comes to 'what it's worth to have him here versus what it's worth to have him fuckin' kick rocks.

1. Keep shit buttoned up and lean. That means lights off and door closed unless you are in the room / walking through a doorway, respectively.
2. Don't make having you here more burden than benefit, in general. Don't make more messes than you clean up.

This is basic shit. And the fact that I'm venting it here means it's not going to improve and that dude is eventually going to be invited to explore other housing opportunities sooner rather than later.
 
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Have you considered pimping him out? If you're in a backwards jerkwood town, there probably isn't a male prostitute. And at least 2-3 repressed homos. Maybe not a goldmine, but enough to make the nut. I mean, since you're too much of a pussy to man up, harvest his organs, and bury him in the crawlspace/garden. ;)
 
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