A New Continuing Story About Cyborgs

[CaptainWacky]

"My cat likes to be tickled behind the ears."

That was the thought he decided to keep in mind. It was a nice happy thought. A thought that relaxed him. A nice thing to say to himself, a thing that brought about nice images in his head of his car purring happily. His cat smiling, he imagined. Of course his cat didn't really smile, she was just a cat. But it was something he'd thought so it was there, mixed in with everything else associated with the thought. Everyone thought had a uniqe feel, he'd always found. He wanted to hang onto that feeling during the procedure.

It was very strange to be awake while his brain was being altered by nano bots.

It was only a minor alteration. Just a small fault in his brain that could eventually lead to problems. He could have gone his whole life without knowing about it. But there was a chance, a small chance, that it could kill him. So he was getting it fixed with nano bots. And some of those nano bots would stay behind in his brain after, so technically he'd be a cyborg.

"My cat likes to be tickled behind the ears."

It still felt the same. All the images, all the associations were still there. Even with the nano bots in his brain doing their work he was still the same person. He felt relief. He'd read the horror stories online. While most people who'd had similar procedures had no complaints, there was a small but vocal number who insisted that the nano bots had changed them in some vague way. Dulled their thoughts. Made them feel less than human. It was easy to dismiss these people so there were so few of them, and yet...they were so insistent.

"My cat likes to be tickled behind the ears."

It was the same! He thought he could feel SOMETHING going on in his brain, but that was problably normal. The woman with the metal face had told him he'd feel some mild discomfort for a few moments. He was still him. He was turning into a robot. He laughed to himself at the thought. The discomfort would pass, he'd be fine...he woke up. Wait. What? Had he been asleep? Why did he feel lke he'd just woken up? And why did he feel different? Like a whooshing in his brain, like he'd woken up under water, like he was soggy..

"My cat likes to be tickled behind the ears."

Where were the associated feelings? They weren't there, they were drowning...he tried to say something but nothing came out. He didn't currently have control over the part of his brain that let him speak. He could do nothing but wait...

The whooshing died down. He felt less soggy. He felt...fine. He thought so, anyway. What had he felt like before? There was some nagging doubt that he felt different.

"My cats likes to be tickled behind the ears."

The assocations were back. The purring, the happiness, the false memory that his cat had smiled. He remembered them all. Yes, he remembered how he was supposed to feel. Like...like a recording. A recording of feelings.

He felt different.

 

[CaptainWacky]

"How have you been feeling?" asked the woman with the metal face. It had been one week since the procedure. This was his first check in. What could he actually say? His brain was still working fine. Better, in some ways. He found himself thinking faster, clearer. And yet...that underwater feeling was still there. It wasn't like it had been before but it was there...wasn't it? He was different. He knew he was different. He just couldn't put it into words.

"It's...like...there's...differences..." he said. She just looked at him with that metal face. It was supposed to be able to show emotions, but he didn't feel them when she mad them. It wasn't the same as a human face. It just wasn't. How old was she anyway? He'd wondered this before, he remembered, sitting in this room with her.

"It's not unusual for you to be experiencing minor changes in your thinking so soon after a procedure," she said. "Even though your brain has not been altered, only repaired, the belief that it has been altered is in your head..."

"Repairing it IS altering it," he said.

"We don't think of it that way," she said. They were silent for a moment.

"I've started having a dream again that I haven't had in over ten years," he said. "I have an exam. But I've forgotten what time it is? And I don't even know anything about the exam as I'm walking in for it. You know, it's pretty standard, but it has such a specific feeling. I have it every night now, since the procedure."

"Dreams come and go," she said. Was she mocking him.

"Yeah," he said.

"Well, thank you for coming for your check up," she said and stood up. That was it? He had to say something. But...there was nothing. He stood up too. He looked her in her cold eyes. He wanted to ask how old she was, he really did. Instead he walked out.

That room. He always started thinking about how old she was in...wait. The last time he'd talked to her had been before the procedure, hadn't it? But...that hadn't been in that room. It had been on the other side of the building, in a completely different place.

So why did he remember being in that room before?

 

[CaptainWacky]

He tried realy hard to think. He tried really hard to remember.

His brain worked better, it really did. He could recall memories more quickly, think of things faster. He still didn't feel quite right, he still had a feeling there was something missing...but he was almost used to it now. He'd adapted to his new state of mind. He felt strange about it. Like he was betraying his old self. But...what else could he do?

That room. He'd been in that room, with metal face, before. He knew it. It wasn't just deja vu. He knew the difference. And yet, as hard as he tried, he just couldn't make sense of it. He'd never been in that part of the building before that day. He'd never had any reason to be. It was the room where people were interviewed after procedures, and that had been his first procedure. The only reason he'd have been talking to Metal Face was if he'd had a procedure...

But this was the only one he'd ever had, right?

What if...

What if he'd had another one and he couldn't remember? But what sense would that make? And...surely he'd know. He'd felt different after this procedure. He'd felt human before. But if procedures made you feel different then, logically, he wouldn't have felt human BEFORE the procedure he remembered as if he'd already had a procedure he'd have already not felt human. Right?

His brain didn't hurt thinking about it. His brain was so smooth now.

How could he even find out? If the company had really done an earlier procedure on him and somehow erased his memory, how would he know?

He did have a friend who worked at the hospital...

Dom. One of his oldest friends. And....he scanned things? Yeah. Dom had told him about that once. Could Dom scan his brain? See if he'd had previous procedures? It was possible, surely. Dom wouldn't tell the company. They were very old friends. He knew, he even felt it. Dom could tell him if the company had messed with his memory.

Why would they have even done it? The only thing he could think of is that something had gone wrong. He'd had a procedure but there had been a problem. So the company had used the nano bots in his brain to erease the memory of the procedure, then he'd had another one thinking it was for the first time. So he'd left as a satisfied customer (other than the nagging feeling of being under water.) Yeah, that sounded like the most likely explanation. It was pretty shocking, but believable. The company were messing with memories. They had to be stopped. He'd go to the press. After Dom confirmed it, that's what he would do.

Of course he could be wrong. Maybe it really was just a false memory of talking to metal face before. Maybe the procedure he left him with some kind of super deja vu that felt real.

Maybe...

 

[CaptainWacky]

"Sorry I don't know your exact job," he said to Dom. It was a little embarrassing, but Dom just laughed.

"It's okay, mate, I don't really understand what you do either. Computers and shit?"

He laughed. Good old Dom. They'd been friends forever. He got a warm, happy feeling just being around Dom. Everything seemed better already with Dom. "Yeah, that's right, computers and shit."

"Ha! I'll just be a minute, going to get the print out of your scan," said Dom, leaving the room. He'd let Dom scan his brain with the sophisticated imaging device the hospital used. Or that's what Dom had told him anyway. He didn't know anything about this stuff. It was lucky he had Dom. It wasn't long before his friend came back in. Dom had the image of his brain in his hands.

"Well? What have they done to me?"

"It seems like...just the one procedure you told me about."

"What? That can't be right! I remember things that I don't remember...I mean...you understand what I mean..."

"Look at your scan. See this area here? This is where the nano bots are. They seem to be functioning fine. The rest of your brain is normal and made of flesh. You're fine! You've been worrying about nothing!"

Hearing Dom say that put doubt in his mind. What if he HAD been worrying about nothing? What did he even have anyway? A vague memory of speaking to the metal faced woman before. That was all. But...

"Why do I remember something that never happened then?"

"These things can happen. Maybe the nano bots made your thinking so smooth and clear that they somehow projected a feeling of deja vu so you confused it with a memory..."

"Dom...it's more than that." Dom just looked at him. He wanted Dom to be right, he really did. They'd been friends for so long. He remembered all the times he, Dom and his other friends had been out together. So many memories...they all seemed to involve other people though. That was strange. He tried to remember another time he'd been alone with Dom, like this. Obviously it had happened many times...hadn't it? Dom was his best friend! He felt such warmth about him, more than he felt about anything else.

Wait.

Why did thinking about Dom feel more real to him than remembering that his cat liked being tickled behind the ears. Why didn't he get the underwater feeling when he thought about Dom?

"What...do I know you?" he asked. Dom looked shocked for a moment, then laughed.

"Good one, mate," he said.

"No, really...I don't...why do I feel so strongly about you and not everything else? Why can't I remember specific things about you? What's going on?"

"Maybe...maybe you do need those nano bots checked..."

"NO! Don't you...don't come close to me!" It felt wrong, being so scared of Dom. He wanted to forget all this, to tell Dom he was right, to stop worrying...but he couldnt. This wasn't right. "I don't know you!"

"Well, yeah," said Dom, smirking. "We never met before today."

"You weren't supposed to say that yet," said a voice. And then Dom collapsed on the ground, holding his head in pain.

Metal faced woman was standing in the doorway.

 

[CaptainWacky]

"No," he said. "Not you. Why are you here...what...Dom..."

"You're worried about Dom, still," said Metal Face. "Even though you know he isn't really your friend, that he was part of a plot to deceive you, that he's working with me, you still care about him as if he was your friend."

"Don't hurt him," he said. Metal Face sighed.

"He'll be fine," she said. Dom looked unconscious. Metal Face stood at one side of Dom's body, he stood at the other. "He missed up the trial. Deserved a little punishment."

"You put something in his head," he said. "Does he even know what he's doing?"

"He was a willing volunteer," she said. "He knows what he's doing. Forget him. You're far more interesting."

The memory of talking to her in the room seemed more clear now. But...had it happened more than once? It felt like it. In fact it felt like he'd had the moment of discovery many times before too. That he'd even been in this moment before. What had she done to him? "How many times?" he asked.

"Very good," she said. "You're usually more disorientated, it usually takes you much longer than this to ask me how many times you went through the procedure..."

"HOW MANY?"

"This was your twenty ninth procedure," she said, calmly.

"I'm...I'm not even surprised," he said. He was a bit. How could it have been so many? But he didn't want to let her know.

"I remember the time I told you about your tenth procedure," she said. "You tried to punch me in the face. It was quite frightening."

"Do you want me to say sorry?" he asked, bitter. "You put new memories into my head. A friendship with Dom."

"That's right," she said.

"If you can put things in, why can't you take them out? Why go to such elaborate lengths to fool me? Why not just wipe my fucking mind. Or is this all a test? See how I reacted..."

"Let me answer that one at a time. Why not erase your memories? We did try to, at first. Every time you talked to me in the room I'd activate a nano bot that would suposedly wipe the conversation from your memory. But the brain's a funny thing. It's always making new connections. Associations. You can't really scrub one thing without scrubbing something else. We didn't want to go in too deep, believe it or not. We didn't want to damage you. We didn't want to erase something that made you...you. Why fool you like this? You'd have questions after the procedure, every time. You'd know that it had been done to you before, or that somethine was wrong. It would start as a nagging feeling but eventually you'd want answers...while we needed you to be ready for the next procedure. So we invented Dom to explain it all. He fooled you a few times. But eventually...your brain put the pieces together. You're very adaptive. So yes, it became a test. See how quickly you'd figure it out."

"So your trying to convert my whole brain to...a robot brain," that was the only way he knew how to put it.

"Yes," she said.

"Why? Why me?"

"Well it was your idea."

That part did take him by surprise.

 

[CaptainWacky]

"I don't believe you," he said. "You've gone too far. You had me going for a while, but no. If this was all my idea, why would you be trying to make me forget every time? If I wanted a robot brain surely I'd just happily go into every procedure."

"Well you do go happily into every procedure..." she said. He hated her and her stupid metal face.

"Because you made me...whatever you did to erase my memory. Hang on. You said I figured it out the last few times, that Dom couldn't fool me. So how'd you make me do it? If you don't want to mess with my memory was much..."

"That was more of a concern to start, when you still had a lot of your organic brain in there. Now...you're so digital that it's much less risky to suppress or even remove a memory."

"So that's what you've been doing. Making me go back in again and again..."

"It was your idea. I tell you this each time. Then you choose to let me suppress your memory. You. Choose. It."

"You still haven't explained why I'd need my memory suppressed if it was my idea!" She sighed.

"What we're doing TOGETHER...it isn't strictly legal."

"I kind of figured," he said, looking at Dom's body still lying on the floor.

"The government have been keeping a close eye on us. Inteviewing random clients. Making sure everyone is coming for treatments of their own free will. It's easier if you think it's your first time every time, trust me. And...sometimes you react badly when you find out the truth. Even when you agree you're not always...in full agreement. Now now, don't get angry. You agree, but then that small human part of you fights back. That part you want rid of for good. Suppressing your memory helps you along the way..."

"Kiling the human part, that's what this is all about...there's nothing wrong with me..."

"Do you remember your name?"

"Of course," he snapped. "My name is...I'm...fuck. I don't know my own name. What have you done to me?"

"You didn't know your own name when you first came to see me," she said. "When you were fully human. You didn't know who you were. What you were. You wanted to die."

"I don't remember any of this!"

"You had a breakdown," she said said. "A complete mental breakdown. You had a condition where you didn't feel like you were really alive. You thought you were dead. That you weren't real. You couldn't function. Parts of your brain started to shut down. You were left as nothing. An empty shell. We've been filling you up."

"I don't believe you," he said. Yet he didn't think she was lying.

"You'll think about it and conclude that it's the only thing that makes sense."

"No," he said. "No..."

"Every time you come back with me of your own free will, even if you hate me for it. Every time. We walk out of here together." Then a thought came to him. A way to break he cycle.

He jumped ran towards the window and crashed right through it.