An open letter to HM The Grand Duke Dershocka

[Dual]

Dearest Duke,

The time has come for you to step aside; to leave The Badlands and return to your own people. We Badlanders are a proud people, and will not tolerate being ruled by a foreign prince. If you abdicate now in favour of HM The Viscount Pickle, we will allow you to live out your days in a pleasant exile amongst your own people in TP or the Minefield. Stay and fight us and we'll have your head on a pike.

It's up to you. How will history remember you? As the wise ruler who saw when his cause was lost and returned sovereignty to his subjects, or the despot who was destroyed in a war of independence and lost his head?

You cannot win.

Sincerely,

King Dual of The Duals
Viscount Pickle of The Badlands
President Val Kilmer's Dick of The Dual Liberation Army
Captain Sniper Kitty of The Badlands
Consul Dual of The Badlands Senate
Viscountess Mirah of The Badlands
President Dual of the Troll Liberation Front
Agent Gonad of The Badlands Intelligence Agency
Senator Ilyanna of The Badlands Senate
Colonel Dual of the Dual Liberation Army
Prince Shitty Dual of The Duals
Grand Vizier Kerb Crawler of The Badlands
Heirophant Dual of Xenism
Marquise Raeven of The Badlands
Lady Cacophony of The Cow

 

[Dual]

FTC

 

[Dershocka]

You have lots of titles. Because of this I will consider your offer.

 

[EnglishRose]

I don't remember signing anything...Viscount Pickle must have taken advantage of me....again!

 

[Dual]

All true Badlanders signed by default.

 

[Dual]

So Duke, what will it be? Do you remember what happened to Saddam when Bush gave him a similar offer?

 

[The Dork Lord]

I don't remember signing anything...Viscount Pickle must have taken advantage of me....again!

You know you loved it

 

[EnglishRose]

of course I loved it, I just wish I could remember it!

 

[The Dork Lord]

It was so intense it caused amnesia?

 

[EnglishRose]

possibly - let's schedule a repeat and film it, that way if I do forget, I can watch and remember.

 

[Cacophony]

 

[The Dork Lord]

possibly - let's schedule a repeat and film it, that way if I do forget, I can watch and remember.

LIAR! You just want to sell copies again AND MAKE ME A PORN STAR!

*cries*

 

[EnglishRose]

^ I'd give you 40% of the profits - c'mon DL be a man about this.....

 

[The Dork Lord]

40%? That's not a bad deal...

*mulls it over*

 

[EnglishRose]

final offer 45% - and you get to approve the dvd before it goes on sale, we can airbrush you, tweak you...

 

[The Dork Lord]

You drive a hard bargain (pun intended?) and I like it!

*Signs the dotted line*

we can airbrush you, tweak you...

Triple H's body and Viggo's face LOLOLOLOLOL

 

[EnglishRose]

*puts the contract somewhere safe*

 

[Ilyanna]

You just want to sell copies again AND MAKE ME A PORN STAR!

Oh god, yes *sighs*

*sneaks up behind ER, snatches the contract and adds her name to the beneficiary list*

 

[EnglishRose]

*snatches back the contract* Hey - don't think you can come back after all this time and just add your name to the contract Missy!

 

[Kitty]

Whens the release date for the HD DVD?

special features included?