Bad picnic

[BenedictTurtle]

A year ago, me and two turtle friends, Wesley and Edward, decided to go on a picnic. So Wesley packed the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes us ten days to get there.

When we got there Wesley unpacked the food and beer. "Ok Ed Give me the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring it," says Ed. "I thought you packed it."

Wes got worried, he turned to me, "Did you bring the bottle opener??"

Naturally I didn't bring it. So we were stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Wes and I begged Ed to go back for It, but he refused since he thought we would eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after we swore on our shells that we wouldn't eat the sandwiches, he finally agreed. So Ed sets off down the road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Wes and me are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still wasn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally we couldn't take it any longer so we took out a Sandwich each, and just as we were about to eat it, Ed pops up from behind a rock and shouts........

"I KNEW IT!......I'M NOT FUCKING GOING!"

 

[jack]

 

[jack]

q. Why did the turtle cross the road?

a. To get to the Shell station!

 

[jack]

What's a "turtle poopie"?

It's the kind of poopie that pokes out and goes back in a few times before you finally make it!

 

[jack]

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end.
He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch.
On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds.
Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"

 

[jack]

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"