Menu
What's new
Troll Kingdom

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Cait's Joke of the Day

Caitriona

Caitriona

Something Wicked
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He
had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old
having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if
the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
 
A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."

He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
 
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor asks, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no," she acknowledges, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor replies, "your finger is broken."
 
The newlywed couple checked into the bridal suite and headed straight to their room. All night long the front desk fielded complaints from rooms near theirs about the incessant moaning and groaning.

Finally, around 10 a.m., the groom called room service. "Bring me six eggs, ten links of sausage, eight slices of toast, and a gallon of orange juice."
The room service clerk replied, "Gee, the two of you worked up quite an appetite last night."

"Oh, that's just for me. Send up a head of lettuce for my wife."
"A head of lettuce?"
"Yeah," the groom replied. " I want to see if she eats like a rabbit, too!"
 
Morbo, rabbits are no longer classified as rodents ;)

Rats, mice and even beavers are of the order Rodentia

Rabbits are classified as Lagomorpho, along with hares and pikas[/boring biology lesson ;)]

Great joke Cait, thanks for the laugh :lol:
 
THAT WAS A MISSTEP, CHATTY. YOU ARE NOW ON MORBO'S "LIST."

YOU WILL BECOME A SHACKLED BREEDER UNDER MORBO'S PERFECT RULE. MORBO SUGGESTS YOU GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER. FIRST CONTACT BEGINS ANON.

***

(This article has been attributed to a number of different sources,
mostly tabloid magazines, but apparently the real author is concealing
his identity. Probably for fear of alien retaliation.)

Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human --
but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say
experts. They listed 10 signs to watch for:

1. Odd or mismatched clothes. "Often space aliens don't fully
understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that
are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a
tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers," noted Brad Steiger, a
renowned UFO investigator and author.

2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat
French fries with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills,
the experts say.

3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don't understand earthly
humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell
jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.

4. Takes frequent sick days. A space alien might need extra time off
to "rejuvenate its energy," said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical
biologist and futurist.

5. Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. "Aliens are constantly
gathering information," said Steiger.

6. Misuses everday items. "A space alien may use correction fluid to
paint its nails," said Steiger.

7. Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. Space aliens
who are trying to learn about earth culture might ask questions
that seem stupid, Easton said. "For example, a co-worker may ask
why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July," noted
Steiger.

8. Secretive about personal lifestyle and home. "An alien won't
discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or
on weekends," said Steiger.

9. Frequently talks to himself. "An alien may not be used to
speaking as we do, so it may practice speaking," Steiger noted.

10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain
high-tech hardware. "An alien may experience a mood change when a
microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if
not all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a
space alien.
 
A young woman was about to get married and decided to do something special for her wedding night. So she went to a tattooist and said I'd like a butterfly tattoed on each buttock please. The tattooist was very apologetic and said "I'm sorry I can't do butterflies".

The girl was very disappointed and was just about to leave when the tattooist said "But I can do bees!"

"OK" she said "I'll have a bee on each cheek"

A week later after the wedding they went to the bridal suite and her husband leapt into bed. She gave him a big smile and said "I've got a surprise for you" and went into the bathroom to get ready.

So she put on her sexiest nightdress and came out to her husband saying "What do think of this?" With a twirl she turned round, flipped up her nightdress and bent over to show the tattoos.

All her husband could says was "Who the hell is BOB?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top