Troll Kingdom

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Can I sustain myself?

Love Child

One Love
Can I live off the grid? No, not yet.
Can I grow and make all of my own food? Most likely.
Can I make all of my own clothes?!?! Probably!!! My mom made most of my clothes growing up, it was sort of cool. But then I am still buying fabric from somewhere, someone, WTF. Okay this one needs work.
 
I fon 't have a career. I need a fucking career. A job where I can sustain myself, rely on myself and not depend so heavily on others. I don't know what to do or what I want to do. I want to be free. Free like I was before. I don't feel free, yet I know I am.
 
You know what is interesting, as I am reading tonight, I keep thinking about my friend who brought me to church in the first place. And I'm not talking about changing to biblical teachings at this point, I have been instructed in the ways of the bible and learned about Jesus. I am talking about a spirituality, it's personal, I don't need it validated. But what I must say out loud is the fact that the one who brought me to church in my youth, teen years specifically is the most in spiritual person I know. And she is extremely judge mental.
Lol and here I judge her. I'm just sayin, it isn't by ones words, it is thier actions- though I see her do good deeds, I never see her pray or do daily devotionals or meditations.
 
She never mentions a reliance upon a higher power or spirit or God. She has all the answers, she knows the right way.

Anyway, her walk is not my walk, my walk is not hers.

She grew up in the church, I did not. I would never question her walk.

I just know that I have s circle of friends that we can discuss these matters in an open way and discuss spirituality on a daily basis. This is the people I want to have more interaction with, and Zi do- but not like that crazy guy in my office the other day! He was too much! I just need some time to reflect on things right now.
 
If I were reading this , I would be like," why is LC going all bonkers right now?" Because a friend is dying and Zi don't know what to do half the time.
 
It's pretty crazy. And pretty cool at the same time. It's a journey, right, like CaptainWacky posted. But it is sad when you realize the path you were walking will forever be changed when one of your companions is no longer there.
Wtf this death stuff.
 
So I guess that is why I am searching right now. I mean in the Christian world death does not make them sad maybe because they will see them in heaven. It is what they believe to be true.
 
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