Don't come near my dead body

[Filthy Whore]

You know those "beautiful and heartfelt" updates that people share on Facebook? Here's one I just saw that confuses me. "MAY not be able..."??? She's fucking dead, of course she's not going to be able to smear your snot all over your face with her cold stiff hand unless she's a GD zombie. What the hell?

You don't know how hard it was to not make a rude comment but I have to work with the lady.

 

[eloisel]

When my daughter's guts tried to kill her back in March, she told me in the emergency room that she wanted me to cremate her and put her on grave marker "Cremated for your protection."

 

[Filthy Whore]

That's practical AND funny. I like your daughter a lot more than I do the nitwit that made this.

 

[jack]

I want a television on my grave, always on.

 

[eloisel]

Yeah - MK is awesome kiddo. She is definitely my favorite person in the whole wide world. I'd like her even if she wasn't my kiddo.

 

[Filthy Whore]

I had to go back and make a rude comment about zombies, I just couldn't help myself.

 

[eloisel]

Right after I saw the first season of The Walking Dead on Netflix I was out exploring the Mineola area with some friends. We stopped in an old graveyard to take pictures of some of the oldest tombstones which are really cool. Got the shivers when I came across this more modern grave marker though -

 

[jack]

Awesome.

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

I found my ankles

 

[Eat Shit And Die]

Congratulations?

 

[Loktar]

I found my ankles

Where were they? Hiding under your legs the whole time I bet.

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

Swollen foot. The swelling is beginning to come down.

 

[Enkephalen]

Neon, I had no idea this surgery could be so involved and long-lasting. I should know better, I've had quite a few myself. You've found your ankle, the toes cannot be far behind! Something to look forward to, a treasure hunt. Will you be able to wear high heels again or have you given them up for good? Balerina flats are in style again.

 

[Enkephalen]

Here's a creepy idea for what to do with your cremains:

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/cre...&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=cremationjewelry

Matron at cocktaile party: "What a lovely necklace, dear, where did you get it?"

Partygoer: "Oh, I got it at (see above website) and it contains the ashes of my dead (fill in the relative who died). I keep him/her with me at all times. We go everywhere together: Disneyworld, vacations, parties such as this one. It's like he/she never left me."