Ogami
New member
DVD Movie Review: Stealth
by Ogami
Jessica Biel's Oscar chances just keep slipping away. I mean first, a maniac drops a chainsaw in front of her and she doesn't pick it up, now this movie happens. (Kind of like the way 'shit happens')
Movie trailers are a boon to determining how to spend your hard-earned money, and Stealth's trailer was no exception. Marketed as last summer's "BLOCKBUSTER", the trailer had "stinker" written all over it. If you saw the trailer you got the plot, no need to spend money on it: Stealth robot fighter gets hit by lightning, robot goes wacky, fun ensues.
Tonight I saw this movie for free on DVD, but even then there was a price: my intellect. Some think I'm stupid because I'm already a conservative, well my IQ dropped in half again watching this movie.
How to explain a movie that is impossible to follow with logic? There are so many stunning loopholes in this plot that you could... fly a squadron of stealth fighters through it. Long story short: Avoid this movie at all costs, even on DVD. (Unless you and your friends want a bunch of belly laughs from a supposedly serious 'thriller'.)
Somehow this script managed to rip off: Terminator 2, Terminator 3, Short Circuit, Independence Day, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Top Gun, and all those crappy Iron Eagle movies.
Since I'll be spending the next few days trying to reconstruct my IQ, here are some thoughts the movie left me with:
Stupifying thoughts as a result of this movie
* When a pilot ejects from an aircraft, the aircraft (and debris) will crash several miles away. So how come Jessica Biel is menaced by flaming debris that covers the sky? It was hilarious, like one of those motherships from Independence Day had exploded.
* Since when do pilots have time to make on-the-fly estimates of civilian collateral damage during bombing runs? Those sort of decisions are made by higher ups back on the carrier.
* These stealth fighters can identify people on the ground while the jet is 500 miles away. I am not making this up. (Funny how the jets lose this ability at the end of the movie, and fail to take out a sniper that's not hard to spot.)
* What was the "government conspiracy"? To take over a base in Alaska? To have crazy Alaska doctors who want to poison pilots who make emergency, unscheduled landings?
* Why was there a massive "fuel blimp" flying directly over Russia? Why was it marked "U.S. Navy"? Why didn't they put a $1.98 hardware store faucet on the top of their fuel line? Who would design a carrier-sized fuel pump that would leak out its entire cargo is something happened to one nozzle? Again, why didn't the Russians notice this clear violation of their airspace?
* The heroic North Korean commander (like the heroic Russian fighter pilots killed by the American 'heroes' in this movie) flies in via helicopter, and then pursues Jessica Biel on foot. Why? Did he lose the rental to his helicopter? This chase goes for many scenes, and each time I was left wondering why he didn't call for his helicopter to pick her up. She was always just one hill ahead!
* Why didn't the U.S. government ask the Russians to help shoot down the crazy robot jet? Why did Jamie Foxx think he could outfly the robot in a canyon, especially after personally observe its flying for weeks if not months? Why did they think anyone cared if Jessica Biel made it out of North Korea? Why would the "star" team up with the crazy robot later on to perform an implausible rescue mission on the Korean border? Why didn't the U.S. fighter flying into North Korea (in the final scene) not immediately cause a full Korean war to break out? If the movie is set 50 years in the future, why is it assumed North Korea will still be a squalid communist dictatorship? Why didn't the bald black ship captain throw the villainous Colonel into the brig 30 minutes into the movie? Why did the same aforementiond bald black ship captain let the man "time alone to make a phone call" after he accused him of contacting a foreign government?
This movie has caused a complete logic failure for me, I have to rest now.
-Ogami
by Ogami
Jessica Biel's Oscar chances just keep slipping away. I mean first, a maniac drops a chainsaw in front of her and she doesn't pick it up, now this movie happens. (Kind of like the way 'shit happens')
Movie trailers are a boon to determining how to spend your hard-earned money, and Stealth's trailer was no exception. Marketed as last summer's "BLOCKBUSTER", the trailer had "stinker" written all over it. If you saw the trailer you got the plot, no need to spend money on it: Stealth robot fighter gets hit by lightning, robot goes wacky, fun ensues.
Tonight I saw this movie for free on DVD, but even then there was a price: my intellect. Some think I'm stupid because I'm already a conservative, well my IQ dropped in half again watching this movie.
How to explain a movie that is impossible to follow with logic? There are so many stunning loopholes in this plot that you could... fly a squadron of stealth fighters through it. Long story short: Avoid this movie at all costs, even on DVD. (Unless you and your friends want a bunch of belly laughs from a supposedly serious 'thriller'.)
Somehow this script managed to rip off: Terminator 2, Terminator 3, Short Circuit, Independence Day, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Top Gun, and all those crappy Iron Eagle movies.
Since I'll be spending the next few days trying to reconstruct my IQ, here are some thoughts the movie left me with:
Stupifying thoughts as a result of this movie
* When a pilot ejects from an aircraft, the aircraft (and debris) will crash several miles away. So how come Jessica Biel is menaced by flaming debris that covers the sky? It was hilarious, like one of those motherships from Independence Day had exploded.
* Since when do pilots have time to make on-the-fly estimates of civilian collateral damage during bombing runs? Those sort of decisions are made by higher ups back on the carrier.
* These stealth fighters can identify people on the ground while the jet is 500 miles away. I am not making this up. (Funny how the jets lose this ability at the end of the movie, and fail to take out a sniper that's not hard to spot.)
* What was the "government conspiracy"? To take over a base in Alaska? To have crazy Alaska doctors who want to poison pilots who make emergency, unscheduled landings?
* Why was there a massive "fuel blimp" flying directly over Russia? Why was it marked "U.S. Navy"? Why didn't they put a $1.98 hardware store faucet on the top of their fuel line? Who would design a carrier-sized fuel pump that would leak out its entire cargo is something happened to one nozzle? Again, why didn't the Russians notice this clear violation of their airspace?
* The heroic North Korean commander (like the heroic Russian fighter pilots killed by the American 'heroes' in this movie) flies in via helicopter, and then pursues Jessica Biel on foot. Why? Did he lose the rental to his helicopter? This chase goes for many scenes, and each time I was left wondering why he didn't call for his helicopter to pick her up. She was always just one hill ahead!
* Why didn't the U.S. government ask the Russians to help shoot down the crazy robot jet? Why did Jamie Foxx think he could outfly the robot in a canyon, especially after personally observe its flying for weeks if not months? Why did they think anyone cared if Jessica Biel made it out of North Korea? Why would the "star" team up with the crazy robot later on to perform an implausible rescue mission on the Korean border? Why didn't the U.S. fighter flying into North Korea (in the final scene) not immediately cause a full Korean war to break out? If the movie is set 50 years in the future, why is it assumed North Korea will still be a squalid communist dictatorship? Why didn't the bald black ship captain throw the villainous Colonel into the brig 30 minutes into the movie? Why did the same aforementiond bald black ship captain let the man "time alone to make a phone call" after he accused him of contacting a foreign government?
This movie has caused a complete logic failure for me, I have to rest now.
-Ogami
