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For April Fools Day

Mirah said:
Should Jesus get back on the cross and say, "Just kidding! None of your sins are forgiven?!"

I didn't know where to post this. I think I'll put it in multiple places.
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Yes, and then God should say "I'm sending you to Hell, Jesus. Not kidding! Lol, nah I'm totally kidding!"
 
I was just doing some reading on the AntiChrist. Interesting. Presidents and Popes have been accused or named as being potential antichrists. Not really sure if I should make that capital or not so I did both.
 
Mirah said:
Since humans have put a face to Jesus it is easier to think of him as having a sense of humor, but harder to think of God having a sense of humor.
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Well according to the mystery of the Holy Trinity God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are somehow one and the same but at the same time totally separate and different or something like that. Ergo, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit all have a sense of humor. But the Angel of Death and Satan total humorless bastards.
 
ew I hate those bastards
You just gave me a reason why I want to be in heaven and not hell if there were no humor. OMG that sounds like some sort of a bad country song. I want to write it now
 
I may be misremembering things, but I feel like there's a part where Jesus goes to Hell to let out all the basically good people who've been cooling their heals from Adam to Him because someone had to die to redeem Original Sin. I swear, Old Testament God is a cocksucker.
 
Volpone said:
I may be misremembering things, but I feel like there's a part where Jesus goes to Hell to let out all the basically good people who've been cooling their heals from Adam to Him because someone had to die to redeem Original Sin. I swear, Old Testament God is a cocksucker.
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No Jesus in Old Testament. That happens in the New Testament
 
Yes, but Old Testament God is a cocksucker. "Dad, I don't want to die. You're all powerful, couldn't you just forgive them without me having to be tortured to death?" "NOPE, SON, SORRY. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I LET MY CHOSEN PEOPLE BE SOLD INTO SLAVERY 2 OR 3 TIMES TO TEACH THEM A LESSON. I MADE ABRAHAM THINK HE HAD TO MURDER HIS OWN SON--THAT WAS A GOOD LAUGH. I SENT PLAGUES TO EGYPT SO PHARAOH WOULD LET THE JEWS GO--BUT THEN I MADE HIM REFUSE, BECAUSE I HAD MORE FUN PLAGUES THAT WOULD SHOW HOW COOL I WAS. I GAVE ADAM & EVE A LITERAL PARADISE IF THEY'D ONLY OBEY 1 SIMPLE RULE (I KNEW THEY WOULDN'T). I COULD KEEP GOING ON, BUT THE POINT IS TO STOP BEING A PUSSY AND SUCK IT UP."
 
Read Heavenly Man if you are interested in a person who is tortured for his belief in Jesus. Oh, did I mention it takes place in China. It is a hard read.

I have a hard time with the Jesus story and his dying on the cross, understanding he dies for my inequities and so I should feel like crap about it-I choose to do so on the one day and that is Good Friday. The church in this area would have me feel bad about it everyday. It really is amazing how many different opinions there are about God, the bible, Jesus and how people should act and feel.
I feel if Jesus died and rose again then I should live like a freed person, not with a heavy cloud over me.
 
I maintain that a disproportionate number of sadomasochists are Catholic.

Anyway, this is another time that I'd like to study theology--more from a scientific standpoint than to learn to become a clergyman. The gospels all have slightly to outright conflicting stories--and there are a ton of noncanonical gospels.

By all accounts Jesus has physically risen from the dead and is tooling around in a reanimated corpse. The Doubting Thomas story most clearly proves that. But he is often not recognized by his disciples until he does or says something--the supper at Emmaeus. He enters and leaves locked rooms. He spontaneously disappears--again, the supper at Emmaeus.

I gotta wonder, the pulp character The Shadow has a hypnotic ability to change his appearance, "dodge" bullets, become invisible, and other things. If Jesus was/is an advanced "homo superior" human of some kind, perhaps his body could recover from apparent death and mental projection powers account for some of the discrepancies in the gospels.*

*I mean, there are other much more plausible explanations for skeptics, but it isn't as interesting to argue that they were stories written long after Jesus life on Earth and many were perhaps created to advance a fledgling religion. Jesus was a Cylon is much more interesting.
 
loljesus-love-thy-baby
 
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