CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Rachael: Oooh, no, I don't want to go, what if there's no fit men in the crowd who fancy me?
JJ: OH, OH, I'M GETTING REALLY FUCKING MAD NOW, JESUS CHRIST, YOU FUCKING SHELIAS REALLY GET ME MAD, STREWTH!
(JJ picks up Rachael and throws her over the wall.)
Govan(waving): Bye Rachael, I love you, I'll never forget you!
(Govan turns to JJ after Rachael disappears from view.)
Govan: ACTUALLY JJ I agreed with everything you said all along and everything I thought you had a VALID POINT and I can A MILLION PERCENT understand why she was evicted and she wasn't even that fit anyway HIGH FIVE, BRO!
(Govan tries to high five JJ but JJ is punching Davina Macaw.)
JJ: GOD I FUCKING HATE PARROTS, JUMPED UP FUCKERS, ALWAYS GIVE ME LOOKS, YOU BLOODY DRONGO!
Ben: Hmmm, well, quite, rather, pip pip, the group dynamics have just, how do you say, changed.
Mario: ...
Ben: I really like you Mario. You are my friend.
Mario: ...
Ben: Not like those THREE GIRLS plotting against me in their vile bathroom of hate!
(Caoimhe and Ife are dancing while Shabby flicks herself off in the bath.)
Shabby: OOOOH YEAH, OOOOOOH YEAH, I KNEW THE PUBLIC LOVE ME, THIS MASTURBATION IS TRUE ART.
Ife: Yeah, wait, what am I doing.
Caoimhe: Dancing, potato.
Ife: What, what's dancing, what's a potato, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
(Ife rolls up into a ball on the floor rocking back and forth.)
Shabby: Caoimhe, could you, like...rub me between the legs? I'm itchy...
(Sunshine runs in wearing pink slippers.)
Sunshine: OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS, BIG BROTHER JUST GAVE ME PINK VEGAN SLIPPERS, LOOK AT THEM, AREN'T THEY FABULOUS-TASTIC YOU GUYS, WOW, I COULD JUST DANCE FOR EIGHT HOURS!
(Sunshine starts dancing.)
Ben: You bloody loon, back in my day you'd be locked in an asylum AND RIGHTUFLLY SO!
Sunshine: Ben, that's a HORRIBLE THING TO SAY, APOLOGISE RIGHT NOW.
Ben: My dear lady I was simply joshing with you!
(Ben walks off, takes his dick out, and lets it flop on Mario's lap.)
Ben: You understand me, don't you Mario? Mario? Why are you looking at my dick just because it's flopped out on your lap!?
Mario: ...
(Dave jumps on top of both of them.)
Dave: Oh I LOVE YOU GUYS, thank the LORD for MOLEY, I LOVE THE MOLE, THANK THE LORD, you too, Ben, I love rubbing my fat body up against you both, BUT I'LL NEVER MARRY YOU, OKAY! MOLEEEEE! MOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Josie: Arr, they only thing I love is cock, like, love a bit of cock, me, anyone here got a cock that I can suck? Fine, I'll just lie in bed all day sucking me thumb instead, me! Oooh arr!
Corin: COME ON, COME ON, LET'S BE HAVING YOU, I'M UNBELIEVABLY CHIRPY AND POSITIVE AT ALL TIMES AND IT MIGHT NOT BE ANNOYING YET BUT THERE'S ANOTHER TWELVE WEEKS TO GO, OY OY, LET'S BE HAVING YOU, GET OUT OF BED.
(Josie farts.)
Josie: Tell you what my love, what don't you come into my bed and guess if I just did a regular fart, a minge fart or a combination regular AND minge fart! Arr!
Govan: You're SO FUNNY, Josie!
(Govan runs into the bathroom.)
Govan: Oh my God I can't believe that Josie you guys, I'm gettnig REALLY SICK OF HER, I'm not SAYING that she's a horrible person and we should all vote to evict her next week, but...
(He notices that Shabby and Caoimhe are scissoring in the bath. He backs away in shock and trips over something.)
Govan: What the hell is that...a man!? A STRANGE MAN IN OUR HOUSE!
Sunshine: AAAAAH, HE MIGHT BE A TERRORAPIST!
Steve: DON'T WORRY SWEETHEART, I'LL SAVE YOU WITH ME METAL FEET.
(Steve stomps the intruder to death with his metal legs.)
Steve: THERE YOU GO, DON'T WORRY YER PRETTY HEAD YA DAFT BINT, I SAVE YOU.
Govan: Umm...isn't that Nathan?
Steven: Shit.
Sunshine: Well how were we supposed to recognise him?
JJ: FAR OUT!
(JJ punches Nathan's remains.)
Corin: COME ON NATHAN, LET'S BE 'AVIN' YOU, GET UP OFF THE FLOOR, COME ON!
Josie: 'ere, did his cock survive?
Mario: ...
Dave: I LOVE THE MOLE, ME!
THE END
JJ: OH, OH, I'M GETTING REALLY FUCKING MAD NOW, JESUS CHRIST, YOU FUCKING SHELIAS REALLY GET ME MAD, STREWTH!
(JJ picks up Rachael and throws her over the wall.)
Govan(waving): Bye Rachael, I love you, I'll never forget you!
(Govan turns to JJ after Rachael disappears from view.)
Govan: ACTUALLY JJ I agreed with everything you said all along and everything I thought you had a VALID POINT and I can A MILLION PERCENT understand why she was evicted and she wasn't even that fit anyway HIGH FIVE, BRO!
(Govan tries to high five JJ but JJ is punching Davina Macaw.)
JJ: GOD I FUCKING HATE PARROTS, JUMPED UP FUCKERS, ALWAYS GIVE ME LOOKS, YOU BLOODY DRONGO!
Ben: Hmmm, well, quite, rather, pip pip, the group dynamics have just, how do you say, changed.
Mario: ...
Ben: I really like you Mario. You are my friend.
Mario: ...
Ben: Not like those THREE GIRLS plotting against me in their vile bathroom of hate!
(Caoimhe and Ife are dancing while Shabby flicks herself off in the bath.)
Shabby: OOOOH YEAH, OOOOOOH YEAH, I KNEW THE PUBLIC LOVE ME, THIS MASTURBATION IS TRUE ART.
Ife: Yeah, wait, what am I doing.
Caoimhe: Dancing, potato.
Ife: What, what's dancing, what's a potato, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
(Ife rolls up into a ball on the floor rocking back and forth.)
Shabby: Caoimhe, could you, like...rub me between the legs? I'm itchy...
(Sunshine runs in wearing pink slippers.)
Sunshine: OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS, BIG BROTHER JUST GAVE ME PINK VEGAN SLIPPERS, LOOK AT THEM, AREN'T THEY FABULOUS-TASTIC YOU GUYS, WOW, I COULD JUST DANCE FOR EIGHT HOURS!
(Sunshine starts dancing.)
Ben: You bloody loon, back in my day you'd be locked in an asylum AND RIGHTUFLLY SO!
Sunshine: Ben, that's a HORRIBLE THING TO SAY, APOLOGISE RIGHT NOW.
Ben: My dear lady I was simply joshing with you!
(Ben walks off, takes his dick out, and lets it flop on Mario's lap.)
Ben: You understand me, don't you Mario? Mario? Why are you looking at my dick just because it's flopped out on your lap!?
Mario: ...
(Dave jumps on top of both of them.)
Dave: Oh I LOVE YOU GUYS, thank the LORD for MOLEY, I LOVE THE MOLE, THANK THE LORD, you too, Ben, I love rubbing my fat body up against you both, BUT I'LL NEVER MARRY YOU, OKAY! MOLEEEEE! MOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Josie: Arr, they only thing I love is cock, like, love a bit of cock, me, anyone here got a cock that I can suck? Fine, I'll just lie in bed all day sucking me thumb instead, me! Oooh arr!
Corin: COME ON, COME ON, LET'S BE HAVING YOU, I'M UNBELIEVABLY CHIRPY AND POSITIVE AT ALL TIMES AND IT MIGHT NOT BE ANNOYING YET BUT THERE'S ANOTHER TWELVE WEEKS TO GO, OY OY, LET'S BE HAVING YOU, GET OUT OF BED.
(Josie farts.)
Josie: Tell you what my love, what don't you come into my bed and guess if I just did a regular fart, a minge fart or a combination regular AND minge fart! Arr!
Govan: You're SO FUNNY, Josie!
(Govan runs into the bathroom.)
Govan: Oh my God I can't believe that Josie you guys, I'm gettnig REALLY SICK OF HER, I'm not SAYING that she's a horrible person and we should all vote to evict her next week, but...
(He notices that Shabby and Caoimhe are scissoring in the bath. He backs away in shock and trips over something.)
Govan: What the hell is that...a man!? A STRANGE MAN IN OUR HOUSE!
Sunshine: AAAAAH, HE MIGHT BE A TERRORAPIST!
Steve: DON'T WORRY SWEETHEART, I'LL SAVE YOU WITH ME METAL FEET.
(Steve stomps the intruder to death with his metal legs.)
Steve: THERE YOU GO, DON'T WORRY YER PRETTY HEAD YA DAFT BINT, I SAVE YOU.
Govan: Umm...isn't that Nathan?
Steven: Shit.
Sunshine: Well how were we supposed to recognise him?
JJ: FAR OUT!
(JJ punches Nathan's remains.)
Corin: COME ON NATHAN, LET'S BE 'AVIN' YOU, GET UP OFF THE FLOOR, COME ON!
Josie: 'ere, did his cock survive?
Mario: ...
Dave: I LOVE THE MOLE, ME!
THE END
