CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Dirk: So I was thinking...
Leo: Oh I was thinking too, about a panda I once knew! Did you know that? Did you know I knew a panda? I bet you didn't! I bet you didn't, did you! It was in all the papers at the time. 1968 it was. All the papers. Fucking papers. They ruined me, they did. They won't just stop with panda stories, oh no! OH NO! They go on and on and on...
Dirk: Sounds like someone I know!
Leo: Who, Cleo? Yeah, she does go on a bit! Hey, Cleo? HEY, CLEO?
Cleo: Yes?
Leo: Your name is my name with a "c". Hoho, can you imagine that! HOHO! Reminds me of a fish I once knew!
Jade: I don't like fish because they smell MINGIN'!
Shirpa: Mingin'? That's a funny word, haha!
Jackiey: Yeah love I bet they don't have that word in, where is it, where is it your from, Arabland? I mean, India, isn't it? You an India, Slurrpa?
Shirpa: Yes...
Jackiey: *FARTS*
Jade: Oh Mum! HAHAHAHA!
Jackiey: Bet it smells lie home now, Shoota, eh? Smells like CURRY for you! You love the smell of curry you lot, don't you!
Jade: Mum, you can't talk to people like that! So Jermaine, when your brother Michael touched all them kids, did he think they enjoyed it?
Jermaine: Well he didn't actually touch them, he was found not guilty...
Jade: Yeah but not guilty, that's just another word for he done it, isn't it! That's what it means, isn't it? Sherlock Holmes should have been on the case, he's real isn't he?
Jermaine: No he's a fictional character.
Jade: Whass that mean? Jack, whass that mean thinkchunal mean?
Jack: ...
Danielle: 'ere chick, duck, goose, I don't 'alf miss me mum I do!
Carole: Aww, come here!
(Carold hugs Danielle but writes "SLAG MISSES DRUNKEN MOTHER" on a notepad behind her back.)
Leo: I used to know Satan, did you know that? Did you? He told me to stop calling! Told me to stop calling him GAY that is, haha! I hate poofs I do.
(H and Jo started nudie wrestling to get on camera.)
Jackiey: PHRWOAR my money's on Jo I'm a lesbian but I'll take a dick for the right price! Do you have a dick, Shitpa? A lot of you Indian women have dicks, I heard.
Shilpa: What the firggin' frig are you friggin' talking about!
(The door opens. Jade's ex Jeff Brazier and her two kids walk in.)
Jade: Oh no!
Jade's kid: FUCK SHIT CUNT BOLLOCKS!
Jack: Football agent!
Jackiey: *FARTS*
Jade: Hey Jermaine don't get no funny ideas about touching my kids just because your brother does it, all right?
Leo: I molested some kids once, in Vietnam. Did you know that? Did you? I did! It was a political protest against them not paying me enough for a concert I was performing in! The bastards! I'm glad your lot killed so many of them in the war, Dirk!
Dirk: I'd like to fucking stab you in the face.
Leo: I know, me too! I did it first, in fact! Before anyone! Before Adam and Eve!
Jackiey: Take a dash of white man, add a drop of blackman, curly black and kinky, with a touch of yellow chinky...
Jo: I wish I had been born in Rachel Stevens' body.
Leo: Oh I was thinking too, about a panda I once knew! Did you know that? Did you know I knew a panda? I bet you didn't! I bet you didn't, did you! It was in all the papers at the time. 1968 it was. All the papers. Fucking papers. They ruined me, they did. They won't just stop with panda stories, oh no! OH NO! They go on and on and on...
Dirk: Sounds like someone I know!
Leo: Who, Cleo? Yeah, she does go on a bit! Hey, Cleo? HEY, CLEO?
Cleo: Yes?
Leo: Your name is my name with a "c". Hoho, can you imagine that! HOHO! Reminds me of a fish I once knew!
Jade: I don't like fish because they smell MINGIN'!
Shirpa: Mingin'? That's a funny word, haha!
Jackiey: Yeah love I bet they don't have that word in, where is it, where is it your from, Arabland? I mean, India, isn't it? You an India, Slurrpa?
Shirpa: Yes...
Jackiey: *FARTS*
Jade: Oh Mum! HAHAHAHA!
Jackiey: Bet it smells lie home now, Shoota, eh? Smells like CURRY for you! You love the smell of curry you lot, don't you!
Jade: Mum, you can't talk to people like that! So Jermaine, when your brother Michael touched all them kids, did he think they enjoyed it?
Jermaine: Well he didn't actually touch them, he was found not guilty...
Jade: Yeah but not guilty, that's just another word for he done it, isn't it! That's what it means, isn't it? Sherlock Holmes should have been on the case, he's real isn't he?
Jermaine: No he's a fictional character.
Jade: Whass that mean? Jack, whass that mean thinkchunal mean?
Jack: ...
Danielle: 'ere chick, duck, goose, I don't 'alf miss me mum I do!
Carole: Aww, come here!
(Carold hugs Danielle but writes "SLAG MISSES DRUNKEN MOTHER" on a notepad behind her back.)
Leo: I used to know Satan, did you know that? Did you? He told me to stop calling! Told me to stop calling him GAY that is, haha! I hate poofs I do.
(H and Jo started nudie wrestling to get on camera.)
Jackiey: PHRWOAR my money's on Jo I'm a lesbian but I'll take a dick for the right price! Do you have a dick, Shitpa? A lot of you Indian women have dicks, I heard.
Shilpa: What the firggin' frig are you friggin' talking about!
(The door opens. Jade's ex Jeff Brazier and her two kids walk in.)
Jade: Oh no!
Jade's kid: FUCK SHIT CUNT BOLLOCKS!
Jack: Football agent!
Jackiey: *FARTS*
Jade: Hey Jermaine don't get no funny ideas about touching my kids just because your brother does it, all right?
Leo: I molested some kids once, in Vietnam. Did you know that? Did you? I did! It was a political protest against them not paying me enough for a concert I was performing in! The bastards! I'm glad your lot killed so many of them in the war, Dirk!
Dirk: I'd like to fucking stab you in the face.
Leo: I know, me too! I did it first, in fact! Before anyone! Before Adam and Eve!
Jackiey: Take a dash of white man, add a drop of blackman, curly black and kinky, with a touch of yellow chinky...
Jo: I wish I had been born in Rachel Stevens' body.
