Freestyle The Flash thread

[CaptainWacky]

(Barry Allen is running around some town and people are waving to him.)

Barry(voiceover): My name is Barry Allen and I am the fastest prisoner alive! Lately I've been rightly imprisoned in a speed prison of my own creation for commiting many speed crimes. I have to keep running in this speed prison or else the universe will explode for some reason. In many ways, that makes me an even greater hero than before. Also my dead mom's here but it's not really her, it's like Sarah Sisko in DS9. Yeah, I watched DS9. I AM THE FLASH!

(Barry keeps running through this creepy speed prison town. His dead mom runs beside him.)

Dead Mom: Mornin' Barry!

Barry: Mornin' Dead Mom!

(He hugs her while still running. Suddenly, Cisco sticks his head through a portal.)

Cisco: Psst, Barry, I've found a way to get you of here!

Barry: Cisco! It's been so long!

Cisco: It's been six days.

Barry: Right! I've been suffering so much, having to run around this creepy speed prison town, unable to slow down to smile at all the speed prison kids who keep waving to me as I run by. For, you see, if I stop running the universe will explode for some reason!

Cisco: I know! But I've found a way to save you! Sorry it took so long but the city's been a mess without you!

Barry: How are you going to save me, then? Someone has to take my place in this speed prison!

Cisco: I DOUBLE reversed the polarity of the neutron flow on the speed bazooka and came up with a way to create an exact double of you who can be imprisoned in your place.

Barry: Cisco that's...brilliant! Finaly I can go home and beat up metas and the speed prison will be fine with my exact double running around in it! Dead Mom, you can hug him instead of me.

Dead Mom: Barry, this is twisting the rules, there could be grave consequences for...

Barry: DO IT, CISCO!

(Cisco shoots Barry with the time gun and an exact double of Barry appears running beside him.)

Double: Hey, what's going on, how did I get here...

Barry: SEEYA!

(Barry runs through the portal with Cisco, leaving his double in the speed prsion.)

Double: What, I'm trapped? No, no, NOOOOOO!

(Barry and Cisco reappear in Star Labs which has bene rebuilt in the last six days. They high five and hug each other.)

Barry: Wait...now my exact double will have to stay in that speed prison forever.

Cisco: Oh...I never thought of that.

Barry: Meh, he was probably evil anyway!

Cisco: They usually are!

(Iris walks in and sees Barry. She runs over and kisses him.)

Iris: Barry! I've been so loney these past six days! You must have been through Hell in that speed prsion!

Barry: They made me run really fast, Iris. REALLY FAST. I couldn't even see the kids wave!

Iris: Oh Barry!

Barry: But you know what kept me going, Iris?

Iris: No, what.

Barry: You!

Iris: Oh Barry!

Barry: So how's everything been around here? How's your job at the newspaper going?

Iris: They fired me ten months ago because I just stand around here all day dealing with your problems instead of ever going into work.

Barry: Oh. Well, who needs money when you have love!

Iris: I've been evicted from our flat for not playing the rent and I sleep in H.R.'s old bed over there by the toilets.

Barry: How is old H.R. anyway!

Iris: ...he's the one who died.

Barry: Oh. They all look the same! Are you sure he died? Isn't that him?

(Harry Wells and Tracey walk in holding hands.)

Harry: I knew you'd get out, Barry! Tracey and I have started dating after H.R. died six days ago.

Tracey: I have needs!

Barry: I'm so happy you found love! Nothing is greater than the force of true love. It's true love that empowered me to bravely sacrifice myself to save the universe from the situation I created in the first place. Truly true love...

(Joe runs in interrupting.)

Joe: Barry, we need your help, Wally's getting his ass kicked by a meta!

Barry: Oh no! This city's only had Wally to protect it! Things must be falling apart! What kind of meta is kicking his ass?

Joe: One with giant feet!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Colonel Kira's Left Tit]

You should be writing that show.

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Wally is fighting a meta with giant feet.)

Wally: I won't let you stomp all over the dreams and aspirations of the people of this fine city!

Meta: ME KICK YOU!

(He kicks Wally through a building. People run away screaming.)

Wally: Oof! How am I going to beat him! He just keeps kicking me!

(Barry runs up the side of a building then jumps down and lands in front of Wally.)

Barry: Mind if I "drop in"?

Wally: Barry! I can't believe it! You're back! From speed prison! To help! Me!

Barry: I shouldn't have left you on your own to fight a guy with giant feet, Wally. It was my mistake thinking that you could handle it.

Wally: Handle...hands! That's it! I just have to attack him with my HANDS since his specialty is feet!

Barry: No, Wally, I don't think that would work. Look, why don't you go save some hot girls from burning buildings or something while I deal with this?

(The meta is kicking a school bus in the background while they talk.)

Wally: And hot boys?

Barry: Sure, save hot boys too.

Wally: It's so great to have you back!

(He runs off to find a burning building. Barry opens a channel to Star Labs.)

Barry: Cisco, I just came up with an idea. Since this meta's speciality is feet, he'll be weak against hands. So I'll use my hands to beat him!

Cisco: Barry that's...brilliant! How do you come up with this stuff!

(The school bus explodes because the meta has kicked it so much.)

Julian: This is the kind of thinking we were missing when you were in speed prison, mate!

Barry: Julian! Didn't know you were there! Forgot to look for you. Almost as if you're a complete aferthought now. And yeah, it's the kind of thinking only an experienced speedster like me could come up with! But it could be tricky after so much time in speed prison. I might need a little more enouragement from Iris.

(The meta is kicking a pet shop to death now and you can hear puppies crying and dying.)

Iris: Run, Barry, run.

(Barry runs up to the meta and punches him. The meta is instantly defeated. Barry keeps punching him super fast until the meta's head is mush.)

Barry: That's how we do it...FLASH STYLE.

(Joe walks over to Barry with tears in his eyes.)

Joe: Barry, that was beautiful! I missed seeing you in action so much. I'm so proud of you, son. In fact...I know I shouldn't say this, but sometimes I wish that you were my biological son instead of Wally. I mean, it would make the fact that you're shagging Iris even more weird than it alrady is, but I'm sure I'd be able to deal with it if it meant having you as my real son.

Barry: I know exactly how you feel, pop!

(They hug. Wally is standing nearby holding a hot girl on one shoulder and a hot boy on the other. He's obviously heard everything and is trying to not cry. BUT SUDDENLY the ground shakes. Barry and Joe fall over still hugging. Wally drops the hot boy and girl. A MASKED MAN is standing in front of them.)

Barry: How...how could you knock us over? Are you...a new speedster!?

Masked Man: No, Barry Allen, I am the opposite. I am...THE SLOWSTER!

Hot Boy: Guess I'm not getting laid tonight!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

Barry: I don't get it! Explain your powers!

Slowster: That's easy, Flash. I am your worst nightmare!

Barry: No! Oh no!

Wally: ...that doesn't actually explain what his powers are.

Joe: Man, Wally, shut up and let Barry talk.

Barry: No! NOOOOOOOO!

Slowster: It's quite simple, Flash. So simple even Wally could understand! You know how when you use your powers it seems from your point of view that everything is slown down and you're moving normally? Well, when I use my powers it looks like everyone else is moving super fast and I'm moving normally!

Barry: Of course! That makes perfect sense!

Slowster: LIKE THIS, FLASH!

(Suddenly he starts moving super slow. Everyone just kind of looks at him. But then it JUMPS FORWARD IN TIME and Wally and Joe are tied up back to back and Cisco, Harry, Tracey, Julian and Iris are there in the street all handcuffed together. Barry looks confused.)

Barry: You just jumped forward in time until a moment when you had them all prisoner!

Slowster: Exactly!

Harry: That makes literally no snese...

(Barry tries to punch the Slowster but he's moving so slow that Barry misses.)

Barry: I'm powerless to stop you!

Slowster: And impotent!

Barry: WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH.

Slowster: After what you did to me in the future you dare ask that? Well, you see, it all starts when...

(But suddenly the Slowster is hit by an ICE BLAST. KILLER FROST/CAITLIN is standing there.)

Caitlin: Ice'll be seeing you later!

Barry: Caitlin! But how did you know we were in trouble!

Caitlin: I could feel it in the ICE WAVES that are constantly radiating around this city which you can't feel. But this doesn't mean I'm a good guy now, okay? I'm something more. Something...cooler.

Cicso: Christ you look hot with your hair like that.

(Suddenly the Slowster BREAKS OUT of the ice cube he was trapped in really slowly.)

Slowster: Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHA! You fool! Don't you see? Ice only hurts speedsters. I'm a slowster! Logically, ice makes me EVEN STRONGER. Now I can move so slow that you'll never catch me! In fact...

(He starts moving slow again and there's another time jump. This time Barry's standing in front of a grave. The tombstone reads "HERE LIES BARRY ALLEN. The rest of the team come walking over all wearing black and look shocked to see Barry.)

Julian: Mate? But...you're dead, mate!

Barry: NOT ME!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Barry is standing at his own grave.)

Barry: How! What! Where!

Joe: Oh son, don't make me cry over losing my only son again!

Wally: ...

Iris: Don't you remember, Barry? You were fighting the Slowster really ineffectively when another meta with a gun showed up and shot your head off. I got your brains all over me.

Barry: I don't remember that! Last thing I remember is when the Slowster burst out of that ice cube super strong...

Caitlin: Sorry about that. Also even though I came to your funeral that doesn't mean I care, okay?

Barry: ...then the Slowster travelled forward in time and brought me with him!

Cisco: He must have done that to taunt you! To show you a time after you've already died so you can't do anything about it!

Barry: Well, there's one thing I can do...

Everyone Else: Oh shit...

Barry: I can TIME TRAVEL to the past and save my own life!

Julian: Mate!

Tracey: Didn't you all tell me that never works?

Harry: Barry that's a terrible idea! You'll end up blowing up the universe or changing the gender of more babies!

Barry: Nothing really bad happened the last time I did it.

Cisco: My brother died!

Barry: Ooooh, that's what happened to that guy!

Joe: We'll figure out another way out of this, Barry.

Wally: Umm...like...Barry's alive, right? I mean, he's standing right in front of us? Why can't he just keep living his life now and we forget about the Barry who was murdered?

(Joe slaps Wally.)

Joe: Why don't you ever know when to shut up.

Barry: The time death will eventually catch up with me and I'll die! Right, Cisco?

Cisco: Umm...maybe? It seems like every time something like this happens it's different. Like the rules are being made up as they go along.

(Suddenly the Slowster very slowly starts walking towards Barry's grave. Everyone pretends not to see him.)

Slowster: HAHAHAHAHA!

Barry: Where did you come from!

(The meta with a gun who is also wearing a mask is with the Slowster.)

Gun Meta: Hello, Barry. I almost didn't recognise you with your brains in your head.

Cisco: Ouch! I'm going to call you...THE SHOOTY QUIPSTER.

Slowster: HAHAHAHAHA!

Barry: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!

Shooty Quipster: It won't be long now until your time death catches up with you and you're dead for real, so I might as well tell you.

Barry: I knew that was a thing! WHO ARE YOU!

Iris: Wait, he was just about to tell us everything.

Barry: I ALREADY SHOUTED ANOTHER QUESTION.

Shooty Quipster: I am the past, present and future, Flash!

Wally: Oh, I get it, he's...

(Joe punches Wally out.)

Joe: I've had another of your lip!

Slowster: Now you will suffer the horror of a time death, which hurts ten times more than a normal death for some reason!

Caitlin Not if I CUBE help it!

(Caitlin shoots Barry with ice, freezing him.)

Cisco: She's gone evil again!

(Joe, Harry, Tracey, Julian and Iris instantly pull out guns and shoot Caitlin in the stomach.)

Caitlin: No...I just thought...time couldn't catch up with him...if he was frozen...

(Caitlin dies.)

Harry: Well how were we supposed to know about that!

Slowster: HAHAHAHAH! REMEMBER, I HAVE ANTI-ICE POWERS!

(He touches the ice Barry and the ice instantly melts.)

Barry: She's turned evil again!

Shooty Quipster: You have just ONE HOUR until your time death catches up with you...see you later, FLASH!

(Slowster and Shooty Quipster walk slowly away. Everyone starts crying.)

Joe: Noooo! Not Barry! NOT BARRY!

Cisco: And Caitlin's dead too, I guess!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Barry is sitting in Star Labs looking sad. Iris walks up to him.)

Iris: Barry, what's wrong?

Barry: I only have 37 minutes left until my time death catches up with me and I die!

Iris: Oh yeah, that. But maybe it'll be okay, Barry.

Barry: Really? Maybe?

Iris: You can't give up, Barry. Remember your dead mom? She never gave up.

Barry: Well, I mean, she kind of died before she had a chance to not give up...

Iris: Be like her, Barry. Be brave. Live. For me.

Barry: Are you saying I stand and face my time death then somehow everything will be okay?

Iris: I guess.

(Cisco walks in with the duplicate gun.)

Cisco: No, forget everything Iris just said, it's irrelevant! I'm not sure why it was even in the episode! I've just come up with a brilliant way to save you, Barry!

Barry: Does it involved never giving up?

Cisco: No! Well, yes! Kind of! Remember your double in the time prison? He can take your place and die for you!

Barry: But there has to be someone in the time prison at all times or else the time balance is thrown off and more non-speaking extras get struck by time lightning!

Cisco: So we just shoot him with the time gun again and create another double to take his place!

Barry: BRILLIANT!

(FIVE MINUTES LATER. Barry, Cisco and Barry's Double step out of the time prison and into Star Labs.)

Double: Thank you so much for saving me! I was getting so angry not being able to wave to those time children!

Barry: No problem now to just go back in time and have you die in my place.

Double: WHAT!

Barry: Yeah, that's why I saved you. Come on, don't be selfish!

Double: SEE YA!

(The double runs away. Barry falls to his knees crying.)

Joe: No! NOOOOO!

(Joe slaps Wally in a rage.)

Iris: Wait a minute, Barry, can't you run really fast?

(Barry stands up.)

Barry: Oh yeah!

Iris: Run after him then and bring him to his death!

Harry: Run, Barry, run.

Barry: I'll do it...because I never give up, just like my mom!

(Barry runs after the double. Even though the double started running a lot earlier and could be anywhere, Barry still catches up to him in seconds. He grabs the double by the ass.)

Barry: You can't run away from your fate, coward! Time to go back...IN TIME!

(Barry runs with him to take him back in time, but the double starts running too so that they're running TWICE AS FAST. They both fall over after coming out of a time portal.)

Double: Where...where are we?

(He stands up and a TYRANNOSAURUS REX instantly grabs him in its mouth. Real Barry looks up too and is surrounded by dinosaurs.)

Barry: Shit, we've gone back in time a thousand years!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Barry's double is trapped in the t-rex's jaws.)

Double: Save me!

Barry: You're so selfish, making me save you! I'm only doing this so you can die in my place, okay?

(Barry tries to run up the side of the dinosaur but falls off.)

Barry: My...my speed powers aren't working! Noooooo!

Double: Seriously I'm in so much pain.

Barry: It must be because we've gone back in time to medieval times! We must have gone back in time to a time before the Speed Force existed! That's why my powers won't work here! Now what can I do...

(Barry sneezes on the t-rex.)

Barry: Damn allergies!

(The t-rex drops the double from its mouth and runs away sneezing.)

Double: You gave that dinosaur a cold! I hope that doesn't alter the past.

Barry: Pffft, what damage can a cold do.

(In the background for the rest of the episode we can see the t-rex sneeze on other dinosaurs and them passing the sneezes on. The dinosaurs eventually start falling over dead until there's a big pile of dead dinobodies behind Barry.)

Double: So how are we going to get home!

Barry: This is YOUR fault, coward! If you'd just faced your destiny and died in my place none of this would have happened!

Double: At least let me sleep with Iris one time before I die.

Barry: Sure, we just won't tell her we've swapped.

(They high five and there's a bond between them now.)

Double: Let's go find some cavemen!

(They start walking about when suddenly a PORTAL appears in the sky above them. Cisco sticks his head through.)

Cisco: Finally, I've found you!

Barry: Cisco! You vibed to the past! That makes perfect sense! But how did you know what time period to look for us in?

Cisco: I didn't! I had to look at THREE other time periods first, it was exhauting! I vibed a pirate ship, a castle full of knights and the sixties! It wasn't as GROOVY as it sounds!

Barry: How can we get back home, Cisco? There's no Speed Force back in Abraham Lincoln times where I am!

(Barry's Dead Mom appears beside Cisco.)

Dead Mom: Don't worry, Barry, I'm here, somehow. I can pass the Speed Force back in time and then you and your coward double can return home.

Barry: Thanks, DM!

(Her head explodes and the Speed Force comes shooting out through the vibe portal and into Barry and the double's bodies.)

Double: And it also healed my dinosaur wound!

Barry: Now we go back to two minutes before I'm supposed to die so you can have sex with Irish before dying in my place!

Double: Two minutes is all I need, baby!

(They run around a huge stack of dead dinosaurs really fast until a portal opens and they end up back in the near present. They're in a warehouse behind some boxes. The Slowster and the Shoot Quipster are talking.)

Barry: Wait, this isn't right, I think we're a few hours out...

Double: Sssh, let's listen to them giving away so cruail info!

Shooty Quipster: Well, I get my period today!

Slowster: Eww! I hate girls. Well, half of me does.

Shooty Quipster: I know, for I, of course, know your secret idenitty....

Slowster: That's right...

(The Slowster takes his mask off...revealing that he's Barry down one side of his face and WALLY down the other side.

Slowster: ...but you should say IDENTITIES, plural!

Double: What the fuck!

Barry: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

(The Shooty Quipster shoots into the boxes.)

Slowster(half Barry/half Wally entity): What are you doing!

Shooty Quipster: I just heard someone saying "What the fuck!" and someone else saying "NOOOOOOOOO!" from behind those boxes.

Slowster: Well you didn't have to shoot my boxes!

Shooty Quipster: I'm the Shooty Quipster, it's what I do! That and make quips.

Slowster: You hardly ever make quips! All you do is shoot things! You shot the microwave this morning!

Shooty Quipster: It was making a noise!

Slowster: My tacos were ready!

Shooty Quipster: Anyone, let's see what's going on behind those boxes...

(They cheek behind the boxes. Barry is lying on the ground rocking back and forth. His double is lying dead having been shot by the Shooty Quipster's bullet.)

Barry: Me...Wally...Slowster...no...

Slowster: Ah, so you've discovered OUR secret identity!

Shooty Quipster: And it looks like you're time double is dead! Too bad, Barry! Now your time death will catch up with you!

Barry: But he was supposed to die in my place! Now that he's dead, why can't he just take my place?

Slowster: You killed him a minute too soon! That was always your...OUR problem, Barry! TOO. DAMN. FAST.

Barry: How! How did you and Wally merged together into the Slowster! Don't tell me I got into bed with Wally thinking it was Iris and Wally thought I was Jesse because I happened to be wearing one of her dresses at the time and we had super fast sex using our super speed and we moved and shagged so fast that we merged into one entity!

Slowster: ...no. Eww. It was an accident in the lab.

Barry: Then it was all Cisco's fault!

Slowster: No, that's not what I said at all...

Barry: Cisco, I can't believe it!

(Back in Starlabs Barry's voice starts playing in the lab through a communicator or something, triggered by Barry saying Cisco's name or something. Cisco, Irish, Harry, Wally and Joe run to the intercom.)

Shooty Quipster: And now...TO SHOOT YOU!

(She pulls the trigger on the gun. We see the bullet shooting out in super slow motion while Barry just sits there.)

Cisco(voiceover): Barry, look out, I'm detecting that a gun has been fired!

(Barry runs away from the bullet at the last microsecond at super speed and runs back to Starlabs.)

Barry: Thanks, Cisco. But this doesn't make up for you causing the accident which merged me and Wally into one evil entity!

Wally: What!

(Joe punches Wall in the face. Wally falls to the ground. Joe kicks him in the ribs. Everyone else just watches. Joe takes his belt off.)

Joe: This for corrupting Barry into evil, Wally. It's time for a whoopin'!

(Caitlin walks in.)

Cailtin: Actually, merging two people together like that would make them evil due to their combined meta powers becoming unstable and evil, probably.

Joe: I don't care, I want to whoop him so bad!

(Iris holds her dad back as Barry runs over to Caitli.)

Barry: Caitlin! You're alive!

Caitlin: Yes, because you've come to a time before I was shoot and killed at your funeral. Now you have to avoid dying so that I can't be shot at your funeral. That's the only reason I'm here, I don't actually care about any of you.

(Julian's head pops out of a manhole.)

Julian: Not even me, mate?

Caitlin: No.

(He sadly retracts his head back into the hole.)

Iris: How are we going to beat the Slowster and the Shooty Quipster now before Barry's time death catches up to him? And shouldn't it have already happened?

Harry: Barry slowed his time death by ONE HOUR by time travelling. That gives us ONE HOUR to figure out what to do.

Cisco: I have it...this gun!

(He pulls out that gun that he uses for fucking everthing.)

Cisco: All I have to do is make it so that shooting the Slowster with this gun splits him back into two and then he'll never kill Barry! Let me just fiddle this one knob that will make it do that...oops, I shot it by mistake!

(The blast from the gun hits Caitlin...splitting her into GOOD CAITLIN and a COMPLETELY MADE OUT OF ICE EVIL KILLER FROST.)

Cisco: ...shit.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Good Caitlin gasps at evil Killer Frost.)

Cailtin: How come she's hotter than me? We're the same actress!

Killer Frost: Now that I am free I can finally kill you all! WITH ICE!

(She throws ice at everyone but misses.)

Barry: Oh no, now I have to kill her! But I also have to stop the Slowster and Shooty Quipster and My Time Death and it's too much pressure!

Caitlin: Let me talk to her!

(Cailtain tries to walk over to Killer Frost but TRIPS on her heels.)

Caitlin: Owie!

Harry: Of course! Without the evil ice inside of her she's only at HALF STRENGTH. We all need our secret evil sides to be able to perform simple taks like walking!

Cisco: That's just good science!

Joe: Damn it, Wally, do something, this is your fault probably!

(Wally runs and grabs good Caitlin and throws her into Killer Frost. They're knocked out and Caitlin lands on her face.)

Wally: Oops, I assumed throwing them together would merge them somehow!

Joe: You just brutally assaulted Caitlin to save us! Damn it, Wally...I've never been more proud of you!

(Joe hugs Wally.)

Iris: My family is fucked up.

Barry: Someone locked Caitlin and Killer Frost together in that easily escapable prison we have while I go and kill the bad guys before they kill me!

Julian: Okay, mate!

(Barry runs into the street where his past self is standing still because he was frozen in time earlier I guess. Slowster and Shooty Quipster are about to kill him.)

Slowster: Any last words, past Barry?

Past Barry(slowly): Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Barry: Don't worry, I'm here!

(He runs over but someone else runs in front of him and knocks him down. It's a skeleton in a cloak!)

Barry: Oh no, it can't be! But it is. It's...TIME DEATH!

Time Death: Hahahaha! That's right! And it's TIME for your DEATH, Barry Allen!

Slowster: ...wait, Time Death is actually a literal living entity? Did we know that?

Shooty Quipster: Yes...because all has gone according to MY plan.

(Suddenly Shoot Quipster shoots Slowster in the head, killing him.)

Barry: What!

Time Death: The fuck!

Barry: Are you...are you a good guy?

Shooty Quipster: Hardly. I'm not even a GUY at all...

(The others come running up.)

Harry: You forgot you can run faster than us, Barry!

Shooty Quipster: How appropriate that you're here, Harry. For I am...

(She throws her hood back revealing Tracey.)

Tracey: ...TRACEY!

Harry: Who? Oh. That girl I was sleeping with.

(She starts making out with Time Death.)

Tracey: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[CaptainWacky]

Time Death: Mmmm, yeah, I'm into this! I don't even know why you're kissing me but it's hot!

Tracey: You're Time Death. You control all of deaths across all of TIME. That means you can resurrect H.R. for me.

Iris: Wow, that's super selfish.

Barry: Yeah! Manipulating time and space to bring someone back from the dead! Who'd do that!

Joe: I'll shoot her in the head...

(He shoots at her but the bullet SPLITS IN HALF in mid air and both halves shoot around her.)

Tracey: I'm a meta with bullet powers, okay? I can't be shot! But I can...SHOOT!

(She shoots Joe in the leg.)

Joe: Oww, my leg.

(Wally tries not to laugh.)

Barry: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. H.R. died fair and square like a hero, giving his life for someone better!

Tracey: For you!

Barry: That's what I said!

Iris: It was for me, actually. He died in my place.

Barry: Yeah, but if you'd died, I probably would have killed myself with grief or turned evil in the future or kicked Cisco's face off in a rage.

Cisco: Truly H.R. was a hero.

Tracey: It's not fair! Why should he die just so that The Flash can go on fucking up the timeline and turning evil in the future! It's his fault your brother died, Cisco!

Cisco: Barry is my real brother.

Tracey: It's his fault Caitlin turned into Killer Snow!

Cisco: She's looks hotter now though.

Julian: Mate!

(They high five.)

Tracey: You're the most fucked up, selfish, idiotic group of people I've ever met! Time Death, KILL THEM ALL.

Time Death: Yes, lover.

(Time Death slowly walks over to kill them all but suddenly he's shot by ice. Killer Frost and Caitlin are standing side by side.)

Killer Frost: COOL your jets, Time Death!

Barry: Caitlin and Kille Frost! But I thought you two were locked up and one of you was evil!

Caitlin: I escaped using the security password you never changed!

Killer Frost: And I'm not evil now. Not now that I finally know what it's like to not be in Caitlin's body anymore. It's cold and lonely. I want back inside. I want to be...inside her.

Caitlin: I want that too.

(They start making out.)

Cisco: Uhh...

(Killer Frost starts to melt and Caitlin swallows up her ice vapour.)

Cisco: Oh! You were just making out to absorb her ice powers back into yourself. You weren't really sexually attracted to an ice version of yourself.

Caitlin: Uhh, sure...

Tracey: No! Ice! The one thing that can defeat Time Death! That means Barry won't die now!

Barry: Yay!

Tracey: But I have ANOTHER PLAN. If I can't kill all of you...I'll kill...THE WORLD.

(A GIANT BULLET appears in the sky above the city.)

Barry: Shit! Do you think that's related to her!

Tracey: ...Christ.

TO BE CONCLUDED

 

[CaptainWacky]

Tracey: I made this bullet using my bullet powers and my hatred...my hatred for all of you!

Joe: You can't let hate consume you.

Iris: Yeah, Tracey, you could still be part of this family.

Tracey: I...what? Even after everything I've done?

Cisco: It's never too late!

Julian: We love you, mate!

(Tracey starts crying.)

Tracey: I don't know what to say. I finally feel the power of love and family that H.R. must have felt. Yes. Yes, I'll join your family!

(Barry hits her in the back of the head with a steel pipe, knocking her out.)

Barry: YES! Great job distracting her with those lies, guys! I just bashed her sick brainsin!

Iris: ...lies?

Caitlin: But the bullet's still coming!

Joe: Wally, I thinkk you should sacrifice yourself to stop the bullet.

Wally(crying): Sure, pop...

Barry: Wait, there may be another way! If I go back into the Time Prison and me and my Time Double both run fast enough, we might be able to create a HOLE IN SPACE that the bullet can pass through!

Cisco: The science checks out!

(Barry runs off and runs back a second later.)

Barry: There, done.

Joe: ...what? Already?

Barry: Well, yeah. I am really fast.

(The bullet disappears.)

Iris: It worked, somehow!

Cisco: But what about your time duplicate from the prison?

Barry: Shit! He escaped! And he shouted something about "killing all our zoo animals" before he ran off!

(Barry's Dead Mom appears in front of them.)

Dead Mom: And now there's a space in prison which must be filled...or else I'll start randomly blowing up buildings. Like that one.

(She nods at a building full of people and it explodes. The explosion knocks down several more buildings and you see people trying to run but being squashed flat by falling debris.)

Barry: You don't scare us! We'll just put Tracey in prison!

Dead Mom: She's not a speedster. It has to be a speedster!

(Everyone looks at Wally.)

Wally: You know what, FUCK YOU GUYS. I'm sick of being abused just because I'm not as cool and smart and handsome as Barry. Nobody's as cool and smart and hadnsome as Barry, but that doesn't mean I deserve to go to time prison!

Barry: Actually, umm, we were all looking at...the dead body of The Slowster which happens to be lying behind you!

Wally: ...oh.

Dead Mom: Yes! The dead body of a slowster is the OPPOSITE of the live body of a speedster! That will not only save the day it will also mean the prison itself will disappear and time will reverse and all the dead will come back to life, even the zoo animals. You've done it again, Barry!

(Everyone cheers for Barry. Dead Mom takes the dead body of the Slowster and leaves. Tracey wakes up.)

Tracey: What...what happened? Am I...am I in your family now?

(Caitlin shoots her head with ice then smashes the ice, killing her.)

Caitlin: She was planning something evil!

Julian: Mate...that was hot!

(They start making out. Everyone starts to shrug and go home. Barry goes over to Joe.)

Barry: ...I really was looking at Wally.

Joe: I know, son, I know. He's such a cunt.

THE END