Fuck

[SuN]

I hate my life.

I think its because Im used to having an awesome one and now I have no patience for not having an aweome one.

After being a professor, im never "voluntarily learning" ever again, in fact im never working in my professional capacity ever the fuck again....well at least not in a western styled civilization anyway. And if i ever find myself doing any type of 'career' related horse shit, im straight up driving off a bridge.

I thought a change of career would help, but no..noooooo nothing can help the sickness of the system, its unfucking fixable, it just gets worse and worse and worse till you lay on your death bed and reflect on your life and say to yourself 'oh shit, look I did stuff, stuff i aleady fucking knew I could do' then you expire and thats your life. One big system fuck of your illusiory perceptions.

Ive think I may have been in a mid life crisis for 5 years and I dont think its going to end

 

['Gear]

No one deserves anything. You aren't entitled to an awesome life. Neither am I. You don't deserve happiness or satisfaction. No one does.

When you get your head around the fact that nothing you do, have done or will ever do matters even a little bit, you can finally relax and enjoy whatever small amount of goodness, however fleeting, that may or may not be available in any given moment.

The inability to recognize the good in any moment is the very essence of suffering as it leads ultimately to regret.

 

[Archibald Nixon]

Have either of you been watching "True Detective"...?

 

['Gear]

No. Why?

 

[jack]

Because it's metaphorically relevant, dumbass.

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

You make your own life. If things are shitty, you are either in a bad enviroment, or you have fucked things up. Here's the good news. If your unhappiness is your fault, you can do something about that. you can figure out where you made your wrong turn, perhaps rectify the situation. But part of it is, that you said you made a career change. That is stressful. You might have been hoping it would have changed things in a radical way. But it was only a career change. If on the other hand, you are surrounded by assholes, there's little you can do except hand them a roll of paper and flush the fucking toilet.

 

[jack]

Dont forget to wipe front to back.

 

[jack]

You make your own life. If things are shitty, you are either in a bad enviroment, or you have fucked things up. Here's the good news. If your unhappiness is your fault, you can do something about that. you can figure out where you made your wrong turn, perhaps rectify the situation. But part of it is, that you said you made a career change. That is stressful. You might have been hoping it would have changed things in a radical way. But it was only a career change. If on the other hand, you are surrounded by assholes, there's little you can do except hand them a roll of paper and flush the fucking toilet.

no no, listen to Gear, you don't 'deserve" happiness or joy or satisfaction at all. The "pleasure" comes from realizing that ennui.

 

[jack]

I hate my life.

I think its because Im used to having an awesome one and now I have no patience for not having an aweome one.

After being a professor, im never "voluntarily learning" ever again, in fact im never working in my professional capacity ever the fuck again....well at least not in a western styled civilization anyway. And if i ever find myself doing any type of 'career' related horse shit, im straight up driving off a bridge.

I thought a change of career would help, but no..noooooo nothing can help the sickness of the system, its unfucking fixable, it just gets worse and worse and worse till you lay on your death bed and reflect on your life and say to yourself 'oh shit, look I did stuff, stuff i aleady fucking knew I could do' then you expire and thats your life. One big system fuck of your illusiory perceptions.

Ive think I may have been in a mid life crisis for 5 years and I dont think its going to end

You think we just get one go around?

 

[Mr. Toad]

hey Vap how's the glaucoma? your eye pop out of your socket yet?

HA HA

 

[SuN]

your so wise gear, & speak more FBI..

I hope this state of playing bullshit with serious things doesnt become perminant...although research trips like Public Enemy shows will always be tax payer funded.

"I'm excited to be giving a talk at the Danish Institute for Human Rights tomorrow. I'm a big fan of their work. Yeah, yeah, it's about drugs. It was either that, how to cook superchips (don't ask), or just how much Ender's Game robbed from Starship Troopers in book and movie form ad is the greatest plop of a movie I've seen since Robocop 3. Almost as egregious as that (whatsit called?) with Jennifer Lawrence and how that ripped off Battle Royale and stripped all the wit, fun and excitement out of it. Honestly how does that author live with herself? So transparent, so shameless."

 

[SuN]

your so wise gear and Neon, speak more FBI... & Jax i hope this round is the final drill haha

I hope this state of playing bullshit with serious things doesnt become perminant...although research trips like Public Enemy shows will always be tax payer funded.

"I'm excited to be giving a talk at the Danish Institute for Human Rights tomorrow. I'm a big fan of their work. Yeah, yeah, it's about drugs. It was either that, how to cook superchips (don't ask), or just how much Ender's Game robbed from Starship Troopers in book and movie form ad is the greatest plop of a movie I've seen since Robocop 3. Almost as egregious as that (whatsit called?) with Jennifer Lawrence and how that ripped off Battle Royale and stripped all the wit, fun and excitement out of it. Honestly how does that author live with herself? So transparent, so shameless."

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

no no, listen to Gear, you don't 'deserve" happiness or joy or satisfaction at all. The "pleasure" comes from realizing that ennui.

that's true. Happiness or unhappiness is never a " deserved" quality. It's just something that happens. But, you can turn things around. The only thing you can be certain of, is that you can make things worse all by yourself.

 

[Ilyanna]

I thought a change of career would help, but no..noooooo nothing can help the sickness of the system, its unfucking fixable, it just gets worse and worse and worse till you lay on your death bed and reflect on your life and say to yourself 'oh shit, look I did stuff, stuff i aleady fucking knew I could do' then you expire and thats your life. One big system fuck of your illusiory perceptions.

Ive think I may have been in a mid life crisis for 5 years and I dont think its going to end

So, what would you like to do in the next couple of months/years?

 

['Gear]

that's true. Happiness or unhappiness is never a " deserved" quality. It's just something that happens. But, you can turn things around. The only thing you can be certain of, is that you can make things worse all by yourself.

You can't always turn things around.

 

[SuN]

So, what would you like to do in the next couple of months/years?

I would like to be in another civilization, middle east or a jungle, either farming, harm reduction or street school style teaching...the more time i spend in 'the sytem' it seems the wilder i need to get, even africa is looking tempting.

Im currently ina very tight state of quarentine, lest i lash out like a wild animal, but this is like being in a prison and maybe a prison is a better option, im seriously considering it and im recognising destructive behaviours that some of my most intensive clients display ie deliberate criminal activity for a jail term, deliberate risky drug use because just cant be fucked 'avoiding' death or hiv anymore and who cares anyway?...

see what im saying

 

[SuN]

btw this is a very common thing to happen to professionals in my field, many simply overdose, contract hiv and 'give in' or stop taking their meds.

no one has lived long enough to discover a solution yet, i doubt their even is one. theres only so much gov brutality shit you can see and realise depite all your efforts - everything you are doing is sustaining it, from your tooth paste to your petrol.... you just check out

 

[SuN]

oh and if i dont make it out of the system by the time the lock down arrives, which is pretty much any day now in Oz, then i plan on pressing all the buttons

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

You can't always turn things around.

Then, yeah, things would be bad. It would be next to intolerable, if , a third party tried to sell you that worthless old saw, " you made your bed..." Trust me, there's plenty out there, in RL, who love nothing better than sucking on your misery. You know the kind. You realise that maybe, the turn you made wasn't the best, so you attempt to rectify the situation only to be called weak, because you're not willing to see things through. You're not willing to row a sinking boat.

 

['Gear]

If you could always turn things around no one would ever die or fall victim to tragedy of any sort. To suggest as much is, at best (purposely I suspect), naive.

You did notice I said 'always' right?

I can swim.