It's mostly how the sex is performed. I notice that man-centric porn is more slam, bam, I got mine kind of sex. The woman is more of a blow up doll to be used in whatever fashion the male (or in this case, the director/writer) decides will get him (or men) off. The sex is impersonal, one-sided. The woman is an object.
That type of sex happens in real life. But in a long-term relationship, and not a one night stand, that approach will not work with a woman for long before she starts to feel abandoned by you; left emotionally behind and used.
All those sex vids-- if you've seen one, you've pretty much seen all they have to offer -- there's no passion. It seems to be mechanical and six by numbers. Cold, impersonal, passionless, loveless, empty, no connection save for the sexual organs.
I've only seen one vid/clip that the man actually made love to the woman. It was sensuous, lingering, touching, they moved like to real life lovers. The actors showed tenderness and passion. It was breathtaking.
How do you make love to your wife, or your significant other? Like a porn vid lethario or like you really love the person you're with? That's the type of porn video that would turn a woman on.
Sometimes, it's just a slow, tender slide of your hand from her waist all the way up to her hand stretched above her head. Then you tenderly enfold your fingers with hers and gently tighten them and the same time you tenderly kiss her lips and then deepen the kiss to one of building passion.
See the difference?