HOUSEMATE RANKINGS

[CaptainWacky]

1) Jade-Martina Lynch - She is the queen. She has that flat pale stomach. She won't stop pouting and doing the baby voice for anyone.
2) Nick - He's a slimey, greasy, nose-picking, cowardly creep but he's still better than the rest!
3) Harry - Sometimes she's annoying and rude and I didn't buy her "what do you mean 'frustrated'" thing but I like her uncomprimising anti-Marc sentiment and she's right about him.
4) Cristian - I don't know? He's not done anything bad, really.
5) Joel - Yeah the pompous Tory twat is still one of the better housemates. I don't get it either!
6) Chloe - I don't know? She's alright? Kind of? Sometimes?
7) Jack - He sat on a wall!
8) Danny - Does he even exist?
9) Sam - "Och, Marc, you've really offended me this time, I'm never talking to you again like!" *five minutes later * "OH MARC YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD GUY SHAG ME PLEASE."
10) Simon - SHOWBIZ!
11) Marc - He's actually quite interesting sometimes and maybe even intelligent in ways but also he holds horrible views that mean he has to be bottom.

Are there ten housemates? Did I forgot someone? Oh who cares. WAIT, I did, it was Simon. I'll edit him in and you'll never know.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

I'm fairly in sync with you.

I'd maybe move Jack and Chloe up a little, that's my only difference. I think too many are going after Jack just because they don't like looking at a fatty on their TV. He's not the only one who thought Sam was taking too much food, they all did. But of course if Jack is the one to bring it up it's AY FATTY BOY SHUT UP. Or something.

Marc can die please. And whoever is releasing these popularity polls that have Marc on top can follow him into the hole.

1) Jade - I like Nick more but for my own reasons. Jade is a better housemate.
2) Nick - I wanna follow him around with a bottle of Purel, bless 'im.
3) Jack - I'm sticking up for the fat guy because the public is dumping him for Marc, which will surely land each and every one of them in hell.
4) Chloe - not because she's great or anything, but the selection of mewbs have vaulted her up in the ranks.
5) Joel - He's biding his time until he is evicted and handed a contract to host his own talk show. Pfft. But I'm ashamed to admit I love it when he interviews the others.
6) Harry - Nicer than Joel, but I'm still a little iffy on her situation. Wife has a boyfriend? At least she agreed to stop infecting the kitchen with her crevices.
7) Christian - nice but surprisingly invisible.
8) Danny - ridiculously dull. The homoerotic wrestling matches with Marc are the only times I notice he's there.
9) Sam - a vacuous, self-centered, shallow, vain tease.
10) Simon - the fact that he isn't dead last means that #11 must really be Satan walking the Earth. I get embarrased for him while watching him. Pitiful.
11) Marc - just die. Surely he has to be one strike away from being ejected. Aaron left after one warning, Marc has had three so far (that we've seen). They'd better not hold him to a different standard just because of some poll.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I think Harry's "wife" is just her friend but she refuses to use any word other than "wife" to describe her.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I was going to attempt to do another ranking at some point but it's literally impossible now. I wouldn't count the Timewarp housemates as they aren't really housemates and can't win the show and are only there to argue with each other. But they're also the only housemates getting airtime (other than the detestable Marc) so how can I judge anyone else? It's like the actual housemates are just extras now. The scene tonight where they all sat around looking fed up while the "legends" argued summed it up. They should walk out on mass.

(Harry would probably be number one.)