How To Call The Police

[FederalAgent007]

Pretty sad, but true...


HOW TO CALL THE POLICE

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see
from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the
light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no.
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock
his door and an officer would be along when available. George said "Okay,"
hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot
them all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes, three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an
ambul! ance sh owed up at the Phillips' residence. Of course, the police ca
ught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot
them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 

[FederalAgent007]

World's Shortest Fairytale

World's Shortest Fairytale


The world's shortest Fairy Tale



Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?"

The guy said "NO".



And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,

traveling, had lots of friends, drank martinis, always had a

clean house and never had to cook.



THE END

 

[FederalAgent007]

Lesson of the Day - Never Lie to Women

Don't lie to us guys, we have ways of tricking you into telling the truth


A young man called paul invited his mother for dinner, during the course of
the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Paul's flatmate,
Simon was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two,
and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while
she watched the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more
between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.
Reading his mums thoughts, Paul volunteered. "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Simon and I are just flatmates".

About a week later, Simon came to Paul saying, "Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she
took it do you?" "Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure" said
Paul. So he sat down and wrote:

DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY
HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN, BUT THE FACT
REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER,
LOVE PAUL X

Several days later, Paul received an email from his mother which read:

DEAR SON, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON, AND I'M NOT SAYING
THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS
SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM X

Lesson of the day, NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER (SHE ALWAYS, ALWAYS FINDS OUT)

 

[FederalAgent007]

Traffic Jam

Subject: Traffic Jam

>

>

> A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.

> Suddenly a man knocks on the window.

>

> The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"

> "Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse

> Jackson, And Al Sharpton.

> They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to

> douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car,

> taking up a collection."

>

> The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"

>

>

> "About a gallon."

>

>

 

[SaintLucifer]

World's Shortest Fairytale

The world's shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?"

The guy said "NO".

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,

traveling, had lots of friends, drank martinis, always had a

clean house and never had to cook.

THE END

She did all of this without a job?? It is a fairy tale alright. Women are lazy. We know this. Have you seen the women of today? Fucking fat cunts. All they do is sit in front of their fucking televisions watching OPRAH and eating bon-bons. Women were put on this earth for one reason - to SERVICE MEN!!