starguard
Unluckiest Charm in the Box
How to Capture and Kill a Panda
Pandas love marijuana! All you have to do is find some of those nice green, leafy plants that some dumb kid ripped from his neighbor's back yard and then tried to sell to you because he thought you looked "cool" (meaning -- at least in our case -- that you are in your thirties, wear facial hair and/or have a tattoo, and seem like a nice person and are pretty hip ... despite the fact that you might be a cop or a lawyer or something).
After you have purchased the totally useless weed (or convinced the kid just to turn it over to you, if you are really enterprising), feed it to your intended Panda victim and watch the fun start. (Please keep in mind that possession of even really useless marijuana is still illegal almost everywhere, especially if you are using it to kill a Panda.)
Your Panda will soon start rambling incoherently about something it thinks looks "sooo intense." Then it will go on and on and on about bamboo until you never want to hear the word again. Do not patronize it or goad it on -- that will only make things worse.
Then your panda victim will get very, very thirsty. All you do is grab it at its water source. It will think you are joking at first, but then the reality will begin to creep in. Be prepared to dispatch the Panda at that time. The good old-fashioned ball-peen hammer to the skull works well if you are not adept at firearms (and it's a great way to repeat the experiment that led to the invention of electro-shock treatment ... more on that later).
Source: http://www.seeuinhell.com/PandaRecipes.htm#How to Capture a Panda
Pandas love marijuana! All you have to do is find some of those nice green, leafy plants that some dumb kid ripped from his neighbor's back yard and then tried to sell to you because he thought you looked "cool" (meaning -- at least in our case -- that you are in your thirties, wear facial hair and/or have a tattoo, and seem like a nice person and are pretty hip ... despite the fact that you might be a cop or a lawyer or something).
After you have purchased the totally useless weed (or convinced the kid just to turn it over to you, if you are really enterprising), feed it to your intended Panda victim and watch the fun start. (Please keep in mind that possession of even really useless marijuana is still illegal almost everywhere, especially if you are using it to kill a Panda.)
Your Panda will soon start rambling incoherently about something it thinks looks "sooo intense." Then it will go on and on and on about bamboo until you never want to hear the word again. Do not patronize it or goad it on -- that will only make things worse.
Then your panda victim will get very, very thirsty. All you do is grab it at its water source. It will think you are joking at first, but then the reality will begin to creep in. Be prepared to dispatch the Panda at that time. The good old-fashioned ball-peen hammer to the skull works well if you are not adept at firearms (and it's a great way to repeat the experiment that led to the invention of electro-shock treatment ... more on that later).
Source: http://www.seeuinhell.com/PandaRecipes.htm#How to Capture a Panda
