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If I Accidentally

Hambil

I AM A GOLDEN GOD
Killed a man. And accidentally got my jizz pretty deeply embedded in his ear, how would I (theoretically) clean my DNA from said ear and make it look like the accident it truly was?
 
Toss the body into a big vat of clorox bleach.

Then just say it was laundry-related edge play that went too far.
 
beheading is what first comes to mind, but it's messy and you'd still have to completely destroy the head. Some extremely strong acid (or base) into his ear might do the trick, but there is no 100% certainty.

Whatever method you'd choose, there'd still be plenty of your DNA and fibers from your clothing all over the rest of the guy, so it'd all be in vain anyway.
 
Jack should put a warning on his posts:
Fucking in the neck should be attempted by professionals only. Please, do not attempt to fuck people in the neck at home.
 
1. Get a 45 gallon drum/ bath tub.
2. Put the body in it.
3. Add water and lye.
4. Wait a week.

You will be left with sludge that will easily flow down the drain and bones that will be easy to grind into powder.
 
negative.

First of all, how would you get the body into your flat, unseen by any nosy neighbours?

Secondly, a body takes waaaay longer to dissolve. The figures you read in the internet or hear in TV shows are purely fictional, I'm sorry to say.
Also, lye alone doesn't dissolve the tissue. You'd have to use lye and a very strong acid, alternantly, a procedure that would result in you hurting yourself badly or the drain pipes dissolving and thus causing unwanted attention. A week might be sufficient if you'd use ground meat instead of a whole body. If your victim was fat, it wouldn't dissolve at all but the fat would turn into a very solid wax-like substance under the influence of the lye.
Plus with lye alone the bones don't get that crumbly but remain rather solid. (That mythical trick works only with bones you cooked clean before submersing them into the lye. In a fresh bone, cartilage and periosteum prevent the immediate contact with the liquid.)

Thirdly, have you any idea how bad the stench during that week (or, closer to reality, during those 4-6 weeks) would be? Your neighbours would call police and health inspectors before you could say Jack Robinson.
 
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