I'm NEVER going to have snacks

[CaptainWacky]

You DO realise that, right?

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

And by snacks you mean others' genitalia in your mouth, right?

 

[CaptainWacky]

No, I mean like pringles and shit.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

MMMMMMMMMMMMMM PRINGLES AND FRESCA THAT GIVES ME A WOODY

Actually I just had a Turkey Burger Pizza Style with sauce and Soy Cheese from some health-food restaurant. I feel like I ate the foam out of my pillow.

 

[CaptainWacky]

YOU NEW YORKERS AND YOUR COOL FOOD!

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Yeah, all the money that would have gone into a down payment on a house in the suburbs went into my fucking DINNER AT WORK EVERY NIGHT.

Go me, Mr. Cosmopolitan Continental Rico Suave Big Applefucker.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Are you one of those push New Yorkers who's all like "hey, I'm walkin' here, ya big bum!" when someone gets in your way on the "sidewalk"?

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Not on the sidewalk, I'm pretty couteous on the sidewalks. Just don't be dawdling at the subway turnstiles fishing for your MetroCard if I'm late for work. I will plow you down, you won't know what hit you. ALWAYS HAVE YOUR METROCARD READY WHEN YOU ARE AT THE TURNSTILES, IT'S NOT A MEETING PLACE OR A MEDITATION SPACE. MOVE IT!!!

I need a hug...

 

[CaptainWacky]

Yo, what's the matta wit youse, huh! Youse be crying' like a big candy apple, eh!

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

*SMACK* What's dat? You gonna cry? Huh? *SMACK* You gonna cry? You gonna cry like a little girl? Huh? *SMACK* You gonna wet your pants and cry, girlie? Huh?

 

[CaptainWacky]

Were you one of the New Yorkers on the train in Spider-Man 2 who discovered his secret identity but promised that you wouldn't "tell nobody"? And if so WHO IS HE!?

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

I'm blackmailing him for sex, so I'm not telling.

 

[CaptainWacky]

That's what I'd do, good move.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

He responds surprisingly well to shaving. You have to get used to the squirming though, he thinks it's cute so I just go along with it.