starguard
Unluckiest Charm in the Box
>Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a coat
hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will
win.
______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood
and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows
up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy
communion.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as
sick as I do, so for you this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on
taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much
once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
__________________________________________________ _
>Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while
I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking
for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator).....applies to engineers mainly.
__________________________________________________ _____
>Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
true answer is always either sex, cars, or sport. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your Mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than
I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see
it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are,
if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous
afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it
to others.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally
in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in
the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
______________________________________________
hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will
win.
______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood
and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows
up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy
communion.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as
sick as I do, so for you this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on
taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much
once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
__________________________________________________ _
>Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while
I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking
for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator).....applies to engineers mainly.
__________________________________________________ _____
>Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
true answer is always either sex, cars, or sport. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your Mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than
I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see
it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are,
if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous
afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it
to others.
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
>Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally
in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in
the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
______________________________________________
