LIFE IS A REALITY TV SHOW AND GOD IS BIG BROTHER?

[CaptainWacky]

HE JUDGES YOU AND LET'S YOU INTO HEAVEN DEPENDING ON YOUR PERFORMANCE.

I AM ONE OF THOSE CONTESTANTS WHO WALKS OUT IN WEEK SIX AFTER REFUSING TO PLAY BY THE RULES. NOBODY REMEMBERS TWO WEEKS LATEr. I TRY TO GET SOME PRESS BY SHOWING UP AT A NIGHTCLUB DRESSED AS RUPERT BEAR, BUT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS TAKE PICTURES OF PETER ANDRE AND JORDAN INSTEAD

 

[Cassie]

I am the contestant who acts perfectly normal then all of the sudden goes batshit crazy and screams and cries a lot till they give me a sedative.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Ahmed then.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

I am the contestant who always makes situations lighter with a joke, and who is the "listener" for everyone's troubles, and harbors a secret crush on another houseguest, and eats lead paint chips.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I wnat to fucking kill myself.