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miss manners?

Buttmunkey

Fletcher... Felcher... WHATEVER!!
As a citizen of this country, which I believe in and which I have seen Miss Homoerotic Manners tear apart, I must offer true constructive criticism -- listening to the whole issue, recognizing the problems, recognizing what is being done right, and getting involved to help remedy the problem. By way of introduction, let me just say that Miss Manners presents one face to the public, a face that tells people what they want to hear. Then, in private, she devises new schemes to impose a particular curriculum, vision of history, and method of pedagogy on our school systems. Many experts now believe that no one has a higher opinion of her than I, and I think she's an unsympathetic wonk. Miss Manners's belief systems are continually evolving into more and more warped incarnations. Here, I'm not just talking about evolution in a simply Darwinist sense; I'm also talking about how Miss Manners's frightful dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Tribalism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these grotty trends is to derail Miss Manners's oppressive little schemes. To be precise, I have frequently criticized her unspoken plan to grasp at straws, trying to find increasingly rash ways to render unspeakable and unthinkable whole categories of beliefs about power. She usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of metagrobolism, ageism, child molestation, and halitosis. Miss Manners hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that Miss Manners's operatives actually believe the bunkum they're always mouthing. That's because these kinds of feckless, crass vicious-types are idealistic, have no sense of history or human nature, and they think that what they're doing will somehow improve the world when you least expect it. In reality, of course, Miss Manners's ventures are a spiritual syphilis that has now reached the tertiary stage, paresis and insanity. How much more illumination does that fact need before Miss Manners can grasp it? Assuming the answer is "a substantial amount", let me point out that Miss Manners complains a lot. What's ironic, though, is that she hasn't made even a single concrete suggestion for improvement or identified a single problem with the system as it exists today. Actually, relative to just a few years ago, incorrigible philosophasters are nearly ten times as likely to believe that the moon is made of green cheese. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by Miss Manners to scupper my initiative to make efforts directed towards broad, long-term social change. It is grossly misleading merely to claim that some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that she is secretly scheming to burn her opponents at the stake. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there, for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that not only does she increase people's stress and aggression, but she then commands her cringers, "Go, and do thou likewise."

It seems to me that Miss Manners is both coprophagous and vapid. Now there's a dangerous combination if I've ever seen one. She has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever she thinks that means) to prove that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that I see how important Miss Manners's lewd apologues are to her lickspittles and I laugh. I laugh because I don't want to build castles in the air. I don't want to plan things that I can't yet implement. But I do want to condemn Miss Manners's criminal ineptitude because doing so clearly demonstrates how she must have some sort of problem with reading comprehension. That's the only explanation I can come up with as to why she accuses me of admitting that we can all live together happily without laws, like the members of some 1960s-style dope-smoking commune. What I actually said is that I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people. I can therefore assure you that Miss Manners likes methods of interpretation that tour the country promoting polyloquent mandarinism in lectures and radio talk show interviews. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that she is far more interested in fattening herself on the various processes of decay in our society than she is in helping us convince the government to clamp down hard on her intimations. So let her call me stultiloquent. I call her garrulous.

The biggest difference between me and Miss Manners is that Miss Manners wants to use both overt and covert deceptions to advertise "magical" diets and bogus weight-loss pills. I, on the other hand, want to criticize the obvious incongruities presented by her and her forces. I want to unify our community. Miss Manners, in contrast, wants to drive divisive ideological wedges through it.

In keeping with all of their inner impetuous brutality, Miss Manners's advocates don the mantel of jujuism and rifle, pillage, plunder, and loot. There's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I feel, there's a time to offer a framework for discussion so that we can more quickly reach a consensus. Or, to put it less poetically, we've all heard Miss Manners yammer and whine about how she's being scapegoated again, the poor dear. Who among you reading these words is not moved to create a world in which antagonism, sesquipedalianism, and militarism are all but forgotten? Some people have compared filthy, irascible self-proclaimed arbiters of taste and standards to egocentric slubberdegullions. I would like to take the comparison one step further: Miss Manners spouts a lot of numbers whenever she wants to make a point. She then subjectively interprets those numbers to support her deeds while ignoring the fact that if her plan to produce culturally degenerate films and tapes is to be discouraged then the wisest course of action is to call a spade a spade. Before we start down that road I ought to remind you that she keeps saying that a book of her writings would be a good addition to the Bible. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, I welcome her comments. However, she needs to realize that I know some parasitic scamps who actually believe that she is as innocent as a newborn lamb. Incredible? Those same people have told me that Miss Manners is a spokeswoman for God. With such people roaming about, it should come as no surprise to you that her prank phone calls promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for Miss Manners's functionaries because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to Miss Manners.

The primary weapons of Miss Manners's paltry, patronizing trained seals are lies and deception. That's the sort of statement that some people contend is pesky, but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it's a statement that needs to be made, because a central fault line runs through each of Miss Manners's cock-and-bull stories. Specifically, perhaps one day we will live in a world where good people are not troubled by fear of grotesque lunkheads. Until that day arrives, however, we must spread the word that there is one crucial fact that we must not overlook if we are to perceive our current situation as it is, rather than in the anamorphosis of some "ideology" such as cameralism or favoritism. Specifically, Miss Manners's view that her monographs epitomize wholesome family entertainment is sheer make-believe. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to renew those institutions of civil society -- like families, schools, churches, and civic groups -- that help others to see through the empty and meaningless statements uttered by Miss Manners and her factotums. I say that because her desire to impose tremendous hardships on tens of thousands of decent, hard-working individuals is the chief sign that she's an unrestrained, repressive shyster. (The second sign is that Miss Manners feels obliged to elevate overbearing pickpockets to the sublime.) Let's try to understand what handing over our rights to Miss Manners will really mean. It certainly won't mean that we'll be able to freely lead the way to the future, not to the past. No, it will mean witchcraft, beastliness, rape, and murder will become omnipresent in our society. It will mean a descent back into the jungle. What she doesn't realize is that I am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because if you look soberly and carefully at the evidence all around you, you will honestly find that you may be wondering why sinister, truculent deadbeats latch onto her assertions. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why many people are convinced that in a larger context, Miss Manners's offensive zingers remind us that acts of alcoholism continue in our midst. I can't comment on that, but I can say that I can say one thing about her. She understands better than any of us that psychological impact is paramount -- not facts, not anybody's principles, not right and wrong. I'm not suggesting that we behave likewise. I'm suggesting only that I am not embarrassed to admit that I have neither the training, the experience, the license, nor the clinical setting necessary to properly improve the physical and spiritual quality of life for the population at present and for those yet to come. Nevertheless, I do have the will to recognize and respect the opinions, practices, and behavior of others. That's why I decidedly assert that if Miss Manners gets her way, none of us will be able to take advantage of a rare opportunity to enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being. Therefore, we must not let Miss Manners endorse a complete system of leadership by mobocracy. Why am I furious? Because Miss Manners is trying hard to convince a substantial number of rummy cutthroats to make individuals indifferent to the survival of their families. She presumably believes that the "hundredth-monkey phenomenon" will spontaneously incite postmodernist mafia dons to behave likewise. The reality, however, is that I frequently talk about how it is easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince Miss Manners's lieutenants to burn away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering. I would drop the subject, except that she speaks like a true defender of the status quo -- a status quo, we should not forget, that enables her to wage an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public. And why am I embarrassed? Because she thinks it would be a great idea to drag everything that is truly great into the gutter. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed.

Miss Manners's voiced intentions don't match her actual intentions, by which I mean that Miss Manners's perorations are nothing short of irresponsible, so to speak. Miss Manners says it is within her legal right to denigrate and discard all of Western culture. Whether or not she indeed has such a right, respect for the law is not enhanced by setting the bad example of breaking the law. More than that, whenever Miss Manners announces that if she kicks us in the teeth, we'll then lick her toes and beg for another kick, her shills applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that Miss Manners's bromides are not witty satire, as she would have you believe. They're simply the ethically bankrupt ramblings of someone who has no idea or appreciation of what she's mocking. Do you ever get the feeling that the intent of this letter is certainly not hatred, but a probing look into an obviously significant issue? Well, you should, because I think that the best way to overcome misunderstanding, prejudice, and hate is by means of reason, common sense, clear thinking, and goodwill. Miss Manners, in contrast, believes that squalid scatterbrains are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. The conclusion to draw from this conflict of views should be obvious: The first lies that Miss Manners told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; her lies will grow until they blot out the sun.

Just don't expect consistency from a woman who is utterly and definitely wicked. Miss Manners's arguments would be a lot more effective if they were at least accurate or intelligent, not just a load of bull for the sake of being controversial. It's not easy for me to say this, but I know how most of you feel. There, I said it. Now I can continue with my previous point, which is that I'm not a goofy person. I'd like nothing more than to extend my hand in friendship to Miss Manners's dupes and convey my hope that in the days to come we can work together to enhance people's curiosity, critical acumen, and aesthetic sensitivity. Unfortunately, knowing them, they'd rather mete out harsh and arbitrary punishment against Miss Manners's adversaries until they're intimidated into a benumbed, neutralized, impotent, and non-functioning mass because that's what Miss Manners wants.

As I often like to put it, someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Miss Manners. The memo spells out her plans to reward those who knowingly or unknowingly play along with her credos while punishing those who oppose them. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that I myself despise everything about Miss Manners. I despise Miss Manners's attempts to promote group-think attitudes over individual insights. I despise how she insists that she should be a given a direct pipeline to the National Treasury. Most of all, I despise her complete obliviousness to the fact that we should not concern ourselves with her putative virtue or vice. Rather, we should concern ourselves with our own welfare and with the fact that I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that Miss Manners is up to, the more shocking things, things like how she wants to create a system of prætorianism characterized by confidential files, closed courts, gag orders, and statutory immunity. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but her backers often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. Miss Manners is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, she operates under cover of self-created screen. Miss Manners seizes in her long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection. I believe in "live and let live". Miss Manners, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of her subliminal psywar campaigns but endorsement of them. It's because of such horny demands that I claim that she attracts dirty losers to her cabal by telling them that doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty. I suppose the people to whom she tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, "I will not let myself be forced into anything." I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way, but rather, because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that Miss Manners really shouldn't rot our minds with the hallucinatory drug of phallocentrism. That's just plain common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate her rantings are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity. Some people don't seem to mind that Miss Manners likes to violate strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. What a sleazy world we live in!

Because we continue to share a common, albeit abused, atmospheric envelope, my long-term goal is to oppose Miss Manners and all she stands for. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, Miss Manners thinks we want her to dispense outright misinformation and flashlight-under-the-chin ghost stories. Excuse me, but maybe ill-bred revanchism is her quiddity. But the problems with her histrionics don't end there. Be honest; can you in any way believe Miss Manners's claim that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points? I undeniably cannot, mainly because if my memory serves me correctly, she recently went through a scapegoatism phase in which she tried repeatedly to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood. In fact, I'm not convinced that this phase of hers has entirely passed. My evidence is that we ought to ring the bells of truth. That'll make Miss Manners think once -- I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that she has previously given any thought to the matter -- before trying to trivialize the entire issue.

When a political condition of greed, massive corruption, and diversity of objective is coupled to a social condition of drugs, violence, and discontent, therein exists the perfect environment for Miss Manners to twist the teaching of history to suit her tendentious purposes. She has a talent for inventing fantasy worlds in which "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel. Then again, just because Miss Manners is a prolific fantasist doesn't mean that she has mystical powers of divination and prophecy. The facts are in: The ability to artistically arrange words in an amusing manner does not qualify someone to be the leading social voice of a country.


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You guys do realise all this shit comes from a rant generator where you input the name of the person to be ranted against and the site creates this long winded diatribe for you?

It was posted at Lonaf some time back.
 
Mental, it appears you and I were the only ones smart enough to figure that out.

I think Miss Manners is hawt.
 
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