Parallaxis
Where's the Ezboard?
Going in to it I thought I'd hate the car. But it turns out the car wasn't that bad, it was everything else that blew chunks.
Some of the things that pissed me off...
1. The lame 3-way and lesbo cop scene in the intro. God, why does every show now have to find some way to shoehorn a gay character in ? Ugh. And the new Mike character has to be cool - he's having a three way! He's so cool. Don't you think he's cool. Please think he's cool. Please.
2. When all the good guys are fleeing the motel just where the fuck do they think they're going ? There are literally five to six people standing outside the clearly two seater Kitt. Are three to four people going to hang on to Kitt's roof ? Luckly the bad guys show up before this piece of plot hole logic is explored further.
3. The main cast should be nicknamed "cast of the mole people" since they all have weird moles growing out of their face. The main chick has some weird mole spot on her neck which is just gross. I'd let it slide if she could act, but her scenes with Mike in the car are so painful I was praying for a commerical break.
4. The new character is cool cause his name is Mike not Michael.
5. Micheal Knight is now the greatest douchbag to ever walk the earth. Not only is he the world's biggest deadbeat dad (one hopes poor Mike didn't have to grow up in the run down shack where we found his discarded momma). Michael continues to show his newly revealed douch-osdity in his 30 sec cameo which basically amount to - "So your momma's dead. I was sad for a minute but then realized I hadn't nailed her in a long time anyway so whatever. You should go drive that car. I'm your dad... maybe, we never got the blood test or anything. Don't ask me for money or back child support. See ya out there sometime." To add further insult to injury we get to remember that everytime Micheal was making out with a chick in the original Knight Rider he was doing it behind the back of his wife and kid. Thanks Knight Rider 08, thanks a lot. Why not throw in a line about how Bonnie died while being DP'd by Micheal and Devon in the flag trailer.
6. Kitt must be driven by Michael Knight's son. It has to be that neat. The audience will never understand someone other than the son of Michael Knight driving Kitt.
7. How exactly does the car's self repairing nanites make it bullet proof ? Shouldn't the bullets fly right through then the car repairs the damage ? Sure everyone inside the car is dead, but the paint looks great!
8. Self. Repairing. Nanites.
9. 2 hours and not one turbo boost ?
10. No mention of what happened to Kitt ? I know its a backdoor pilot and they wanted to save somethings for a possible future series [never gonna happen] but c'mon - atleast one one-liner would have been nice.
11. Why does our favorite lesbo fed/cop just stand there over dead Momma Knight while Kid Knight and Science Girl jump in the car to chase the bad guys ? Shouldn't Lesbo Fed be jumping into the mix there ?
12. How exactly do self healing nanites turn the car into the unmovable object when the bad guy's suv slams into it.
13. Kitt can break into a casino's security but can't turn off his own wi-fi antenna ?
14. Shouldn't this movie really have been called "Viper 08" since the color changing, shape shifting car seems to have much more in common with the car from the Viper series.
15. Kitt's dash seems very... lackluster. Even the god aweful Knight Four Thousand in 1991 got a cool head's up display on the window screen. Jeers to Knight Rider 08 for no HUD on the window.
16. Be sure to slam the original series by calling Kitt's orginal Hydrogen fuel as overly complex, make a big deal about how simple solutions are the best to deal with real life problems, then cut to a scene with Kitt backing out of a gaint cargo carrying aircraft onto a road. Nice.
Oh well... I guess the series could work if they completely fired the entire cast and retooled it like a mother fuck.
Some of the things that pissed me off...
1. The lame 3-way and lesbo cop scene in the intro. God, why does every show now have to find some way to shoehorn a gay character in ? Ugh. And the new Mike character has to be cool - he's having a three way! He's so cool. Don't you think he's cool. Please think he's cool. Please.
2. When all the good guys are fleeing the motel just where the fuck do they think they're going ? There are literally five to six people standing outside the clearly two seater Kitt. Are three to four people going to hang on to Kitt's roof ? Luckly the bad guys show up before this piece of plot hole logic is explored further.
3. The main cast should be nicknamed "cast of the mole people" since they all have weird moles growing out of their face. The main chick has some weird mole spot on her neck which is just gross. I'd let it slide if she could act, but her scenes with Mike in the car are so painful I was praying for a commerical break.
4. The new character is cool cause his name is Mike not Michael.
5. Micheal Knight is now the greatest douchbag to ever walk the earth. Not only is he the world's biggest deadbeat dad (one hopes poor Mike didn't have to grow up in the run down shack where we found his discarded momma). Michael continues to show his newly revealed douch-osdity in his 30 sec cameo which basically amount to - "So your momma's dead. I was sad for a minute but then realized I hadn't nailed her in a long time anyway so whatever. You should go drive that car. I'm your dad... maybe, we never got the blood test or anything. Don't ask me for money or back child support. See ya out there sometime." To add further insult to injury we get to remember that everytime Micheal was making out with a chick in the original Knight Rider he was doing it behind the back of his wife and kid. Thanks Knight Rider 08, thanks a lot. Why not throw in a line about how Bonnie died while being DP'd by Micheal and Devon in the flag trailer.
6. Kitt must be driven by Michael Knight's son. It has to be that neat. The audience will never understand someone other than the son of Michael Knight driving Kitt.
7. How exactly does the car's self repairing nanites make it bullet proof ? Shouldn't the bullets fly right through then the car repairs the damage ? Sure everyone inside the car is dead, but the paint looks great!
8. Self. Repairing. Nanites.
9. 2 hours and not one turbo boost ?
10. No mention of what happened to Kitt ? I know its a backdoor pilot and they wanted to save somethings for a possible future series [never gonna happen] but c'mon - atleast one one-liner would have been nice.
11. Why does our favorite lesbo fed/cop just stand there over dead Momma Knight while Kid Knight and Science Girl jump in the car to chase the bad guys ? Shouldn't Lesbo Fed be jumping into the mix there ?
12. How exactly do self healing nanites turn the car into the unmovable object when the bad guy's suv slams into it.
13. Kitt can break into a casino's security but can't turn off his own wi-fi antenna ?
14. Shouldn't this movie really have been called "Viper 08" since the color changing, shape shifting car seems to have much more in common with the car from the Viper series.
15. Kitt's dash seems very... lackluster. Even the god aweful Knight Four Thousand in 1991 got a cool head's up display on the window screen. Jeers to Knight Rider 08 for no HUD on the window.
16. Be sure to slam the original series by calling Kitt's orginal Hydrogen fuel as overly complex, make a big deal about how simple solutions are the best to deal with real life problems, then cut to a scene with Kitt backing out of a gaint cargo carrying aircraft onto a road. Nice.
Oh well... I guess the series could work if they completely fired the entire cast and retooled it like a mother fuck.
