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There are three spots left, two meant for comedy surprises and one meant for a bigger surprise. Vince is going to play heel with the selections during the show.
Unless things have changed in the last day, the main events for Wrestlemania will remain the same as were planned all along (with Angle in the Batista spot). But don't think that helps you predict who wins the Rumble. Anyway, we'll see in a few hours has this transpires.
Brian Kendrick vs. Fit Finlay opens the show. Well that sounds like 3:00 of fun. Okay, 2:00 of fun. Emerald frosien for the Finlay win, and no post-match DQ.
Lawler ditched the wig he was wearing last Monday.
We're opening with a six-way, first pin is cruiserweight champ. Kid Kash, Funaki, Jamie Noble, Nunzio, Paul London and Gregory Helms. A Raw jobber winning the title? Helms pinned Funaki with a shining wizard after Noble had set up Funaki with a reverse lung blower and a dragon sleeper. Lots of missed stuff along with high risk stuff here. All the moves you'd expect and better than average, but you could have had a better match.
It's selection time. HHH and Randy Orton are having words. HHH told Orton he doesn't have a chance tonight. Orton liked his number. HHH didn't like is. He's going 50 and still losing I guess. Yay, 50 minutes of HHH tonight. Mickie James told Trish she loves her.
Mickie James vs. Ashley is up next. They gave them more time than Ric Flair on the last Raw PPV. It was at least passable for 5:00, then it really fell apart and was as bad as you can imagine. James won with a botched power bomb off the ropes and tried to grope Trish, who didn't want to count the pin. Crowd turned on them, and Lawler tried to cover it by saying the crowd is unhappy with Ashley's actions.
Victoria is wearing a fishnet shorts from behind. Candice supposedly showed Vince her boob. Big Show got a decent number. Rey and Big Show just shook hands and acted like best of friends. Show said he wished Rey best of luck. Did somebody have amnesia. They talked about how Eddie is going to help Rey choose a good number. It was a bad number and instead Eddie is playing a joke on him. We should have 175 more Eddie mentions before this report is out.
And the Boogey Man is next. He beat JBL with a pump handle slam in less than 2:00. They didn't try to have a match, and that was for the best. Highlight was Boogey Man mounting Jillian Hall and trying to spit about 6 in her mouth that she held wide open. He missed that spot as well.
Mama Benjamin is hitting on Vince again. Benjamin got a good number. Mercury & Nitro got decent numbers. Melina was hitting on Vince as well. All women love him, you know. Not only that, but Torrie Wilson's dog has a tattoo that says Vince on her coochie. You think I'm making any of this up? All the heels are telling Vince they'll eliminate Shawn for him.
The Spirit Squad are out there getting. If you're not watching, and you remembered the introduction of the Gobbledy Gooker, well it's the same thing. The next edition of the online encyclopedia under the term "go away heat," there will forever be a picture of these guys doing their Royal Rumble chant.
Rumble is up next, so we're doing the title matches after Mania. HHH is starting. 90 second entrances they just announced. Rey is out. He's coming out in a Low Rider. So now we already know the story of two guys going coast to coast. We'll check in periodically when the various surprises happen, or not. We're 22:00 in. No surprises. Flair and Booker were only in for seconds. They're doing some time shaving. Lashley got some shine before Kane & Show dumped him. HHH dumped Kane & Show together, and Flair, and maybe a few others as well. Benoit is in with Rey, HHH, Carlito and Mercury. First surprise was Tatanka. Zero reaction at first, then a Seminole chant, and then they forgot he was in. We're 32:00. Ring is pretty full right now. Eugene was surprise No. 2. He's still in. Animal is winning the Ashley award.
We're 47:00 in. Tons of guys in the ring. The big names, Rey, HHH, Benoit and Shawn are still in. Orton hasn't come in yet. Goldust is in. No reaction to him. Orton should be the last one in.
Shane McMahon interfered to get rid of Michaels. We're 56:00 in with RVD, Mysterio, HHH & Orton as the final four. Well, pretty much as figured. And of course RVD is now out for 4th when HHH threw Rey into him.
We've had about 175 Guerrero mentions. They had to dump Chavo in seconds to make sure the focus stayed on Eddie willing Rey to win. Rey threw out HHH. Rey dumped Orton with a head scissors to win it for Eddie. Pretty good Rumble.
Edge vs. Cena is up next. Welcome to Stasiakville. Different facials for Cena this time, that's for sure. Uh oh, Cena's getting booed. Joey claimed Edge has drawn the highest ratings in Raw history. Short memories and we're changing history as we go along. Cena won with the FU and STFU and Edge tapped out. Very smartly booked, not who won, but as far as keeping the booing to a minimum. Cena got very limited offense with Edge dominating, so the people who booed Cena didn't get much opportunity, but it also meant this match didn't have much heat at all. The title change got a good pop at first, but not lasting. Edge carried it so it was fine, but nowhere close to the Jericho matches, or even the Angle matches.
Jim Duggan is here to endorse John Cena and called Lita a ho.
Angle vs. Henry is up next. Not much time left for this match. I guess probably for the best. Angle won with a drop toehold into an exposed turnbuckle and got the pin in a match very much reminiscent of the Flair-JYD feud of another generation. That isn't good. Undertaker showed up to challenge Angle at No Way Out. Undertaker's magic caused the ring to collapse with Angle in it. He was freaked. And we're done.
Thanks for joining us.
