Sharing Funnies

[eloisel]

Texas Three-Kick-Rule

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and
dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a
fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I
shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve
it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over
here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the
U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do
things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas
Three-Kick-Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick
me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that
he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up
to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot
into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick
nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this
belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give
up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet
and said, "OK, you old coot! now, it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and
said, "No I give up, you can have the duck."

 

[Blindgroping]

HAHAHAHA!

 

[Cock]

Timmy and his Grandpa are out fishing one day on the lake. Timmy is 10 or so. About 1/2 hour into the trip, Grandpa takes out a beer and ~ppfffttt! ~ cracks it open. He takes a sip, and sighs with satisfaction. It looks so cold and good, Timmy asks, " Hey, Grandpa! Can I have a sip of that beer?"

To which Grandpa replies, "Well, let me ask you a question. Can you touch your asshole with the tip of your dick?"

Timmy is appalled, and taken aback. "No, I can't Grandpa. I'm only ten! And that's gross!"

"Well, until you're old enough to do that, I'm a fraid I can't share my beer with you."

Timmy is unhappy, but understands. Another half hour goes by, and Grandpa takes out a Robusto Cigar, lights it, and puffs away happily with it between his teeth.

Enjoying the smell, Timmy asks, "Hey Grandpa, Can I have a puff of your cigar?"

To which Grandpa replies, "Well, let me ask you a question. Can you touch your asshole with the tip of your dick?"

Timmy is appalled, and taken aback. "No, I can't Grandpa. I'm only ten! And that's gross!"

"Well, until you're old enough to do that, I'm a fraid I can't share my cigar with you."
Yet another half hour goes by, and Timmy takes out his baggie of oreo cookies. Grandpa sees him enjoying their chocolatey goodness, and asks, " Hey Timmy, can I have one of your Oreos?"

To which Timmy replies, "Well, let me ask you a question, Grandpa. Can you touch your asshole with the tip of your dick?"

Grandpa puffs up a bit, and says proudly, "Why Yes. Yes I can."

So Timmy says,









"Good! Go FUCK YOURSELF! These are MY Oreos!"

 

[eloisel]

On a hot day during the Depression Era a girl and her two brothers were sitting out on the covered front porch of their house, fanning themselves, drinking lemonade, and waiting for night to fall and things to calm down. They were bored.

Down the dusty road in front of their house came a young man, swaggering, his shirt off and tied around his waist. He was hot, thirsty, hungry, and broke.

The young rambling man stopped in front of the three siblings house and asked them if they would give him a glass of lemonade.

The girl piped up that they would but, in exchange for the lemonade, they wanted him to do something to entertain them because they were very, very bored.

The young man thought about it and made a counter-offer. He said he would jump in their septic tank for a cold glass of lemonade and a quarter.

The three siblings liked that deal and gave the young man a cold glass of lemonade and a quarter. Then the young man jumped into their septic tank.

The three siblings laughed at that outrageous act for a few minutes then went back to sit in the shade of the front porch.

The young man followed them and sat down on the steps of the porch.

With it being a hot day, and the young man having taken a dip in the septic tank, the young man was smelling pretty rank.

The siblings told him he needed to get up and go.

The young man said he wasn't leaving until he was paid.

The siblings were perplexed. They pointed out that they had given him a glass of cold lemonade and a quarter to jump into the septic tank.

The young man agreed that they had paid him to jump into the septic tank but they hadn't paid him to leave. That was going to cost them a whole lot more.