CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
He coudn't make it across the room so he let himself flop down on the hard floor. It hurt. Or, rather, it would have hurt if he could still feel. He laughed and then bit the carpet.
"RRRAAAGH!" he said, like an animal, then bit it again. Then he humped the floor.
"I'M AN ANIMAL, I'M AN ANIMALS!" he said. His cat, not quite knowing what to make of this, sniffed him then back away. Apparently it didn't like the smell of alcohol.
"GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN, MANDY...GOLLUM, I mean. MAndy DIED, HAHAHAHA!" he laughed and laughed. Gollum ran away.
The phone rang. He laughed at the absurdity, louder than ever. The phone actually expected HIM to get up and answer it, HIM! He didn't answer it when he was sober, he wouldn't now...except he decided he would. He jumped up, tripped over his feet, and lunged for the phone as he feel. He managed to grab it.
"HELLO!" he screamed, as he rolled on the ground, getting tangled in the cord.
"...err, hello. Is that Mister Ford?" said a rather confused voice on the other end.
"NO HE'S DEAD!" shouted Mister Ford. He threw the phone up against the wall, smashing it. "OH WELL!" he said. Then started humping the floor again.
Gollum came back downstairs an hour later. It recognised the smell of vomit straight away. If possible, it would surely have expressed its disappointment.
He slept on the floor and in his own vomit for three hours, woke, kicked the tv in, then lay back down in the same spot.
Giving up any hope of being fed, Gollum went out and caught a mouse. He made the mistake of bringing it home and dropping it beside his master.
"GOOD CAT!" said his master, and ate the mouse in three bites. Gollum would have sighed if possible. It was going to be a long night.
"RRRAAAGH!" he said, like an animal, then bit it again. Then he humped the floor.
"I'M AN ANIMAL, I'M AN ANIMALS!" he said. His cat, not quite knowing what to make of this, sniffed him then back away. Apparently it didn't like the smell of alcohol.
"GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN, MANDY...GOLLUM, I mean. MAndy DIED, HAHAHAHA!" he laughed and laughed. Gollum ran away.
The phone rang. He laughed at the absurdity, louder than ever. The phone actually expected HIM to get up and answer it, HIM! He didn't answer it when he was sober, he wouldn't now...except he decided he would. He jumped up, tripped over his feet, and lunged for the phone as he feel. He managed to grab it.
"HELLO!" he screamed, as he rolled on the ground, getting tangled in the cord.
"...err, hello. Is that Mister Ford?" said a rather confused voice on the other end.
"NO HE'S DEAD!" shouted Mister Ford. He threw the phone up against the wall, smashing it. "OH WELL!" he said. Then started humping the floor again.
Gollum came back downstairs an hour later. It recognised the smell of vomit straight away. If possible, it would surely have expressed its disappointment.
He slept on the floor and in his own vomit for three hours, woke, kicked the tv in, then lay back down in the same spot.
Giving up any hope of being fed, Gollum went out and caught a mouse. He made the mistake of bringing it home and dropping it beside his master.
"GOOD CAT!" said his master, and ate the mouse in three bites. Gollum would have sighed if possible. It was going to be a long night.
