CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
It had been a long day for Doctor Donnelly. A long, boring day. He was due to see his last patient of the evening, a young man named Andrew who he remembered seeing three years ago when Andrew had come in to ask about his strangely coloured toenails. Hopefully it would be something simple like that and he could go home soon. He heard a knock at the door and put on his professional face.
"Come in," he said. Andrew opened the door and came in, beaming widely. Doctor Donnelly didn't remember him being so happy the last time. "Sit down..." he started, but Andrew had already started talking.
"Thanks for seeing me!" he said, joyfully. "I'm glad someone would finally take me seriously! About time, our time on Earth is limited you know!"
"Err, what seems to be the problem today?" asked the Doctor, wondering what this nutter was going on about.
"No problem, really," said Andrew. And then it came. "I'd just like my nipples removed." If it had been a joke then Andrew must have been the best straight man in comedy. Donnelly had no idea what to say.
"Your nipples removed?" he repeated, just to make sure. "You want your nipples removed?"
"That's right!" boomed Andrew, walkng around in a circle, excited. "Lop them off and throw them away, never to be seen again! Make me smooooth!" he licked his lips after he said that last word. Donnelly was scared.
"What do you want your nipples removed?" he asked, wondering if he should make a run for it.
"Because I shouldn't have them!" said Andrew, as if this made perfect sense. "They don't DO anything except sit there causing me pain. I can't stop flicking them and rubbing them and I think they might give me cancer..."
"Oh, that's...that's not the case at all..." said Donnelly.
"They're MY nipples and I want them gone!" said Andrew, firmly, sitting down now. "We can you arrange an operation for me?"
"I think you should say someone...an expect on these types of things," said Donnelly.
"A nipple expert? I couldn't find one, man!" said Andrew.
"No," said Donnelly, nervous about how Andrew would react. "I think you should see a psychiatrist." Andrew looked as though his world had collapsed.
"I thought you were different," he said, broken. "I thought you'd take me seriously. All I want is my nipples cut off."
"Now Andrew, you have to understand..."
"NO!" Andrew was upset. "THEY'RE MY NIPPLES AND IF YOU WON'T CUT THEM OFF I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL!"
"Andrew, please..." but he stormed out. Donnelly got up to go after him...then sat back down. Why should he? He should be home by now, with his wife, not chasing after crazy people. Donnelly wait until he was sure Andrew was gone (he could hear him shouting at the receptionsit) and then got up to leave. Just he walked into the reception area, he heard a car screeching outside and a scream. The receptionist came running in.
"Quick, Doctor Donnolly, it's your patient!" she said and Donnolly ran outside to find Andrew lying on the road, smiling, a car beside him.
"He just ran right out in front of me, I couldn't stop!" said the driver.
"Damn it Andrew, why!" said Donnolly, rushing to his injured patient.
"When I'm in hospital...when they're healing my wounds...I'll tell them it still hurts...and they'll have to cut my nipples off...they'll have to...and I'll be free..." Andrew was fading fast, struggling to keep his eyes open. "I'LL BE FREE!" he said with one last burst of energy.
"Yes, Andrew," said Donnolly. "You'll be free."
"Doctor, you have to do something!" said the receptionist. "I've phoned an ambulance, but..."
"Why bother?" said Donnelly. Then he smiled cruelly. "He wants to be free."
"But doctor!"
"Let him be free!" said Donnelly, an erection rising in his pants. "Let them all be free!"
SIX MONTHS LATER, AN ARTICLE IN THE SUN
"Doctor Decland Donnolly was today arrested for the murder of nine prostitutes and six homeless men. He cut off the nipples of all his victms and wrote "NOW THEY ARE FREE!" in their blood. The bastard!"
"Come in," he said. Andrew opened the door and came in, beaming widely. Doctor Donnelly didn't remember him being so happy the last time. "Sit down..." he started, but Andrew had already started talking.
"Thanks for seeing me!" he said, joyfully. "I'm glad someone would finally take me seriously! About time, our time on Earth is limited you know!"
"Err, what seems to be the problem today?" asked the Doctor, wondering what this nutter was going on about.
"No problem, really," said Andrew. And then it came. "I'd just like my nipples removed." If it had been a joke then Andrew must have been the best straight man in comedy. Donnelly had no idea what to say.
"Your nipples removed?" he repeated, just to make sure. "You want your nipples removed?"
"That's right!" boomed Andrew, walkng around in a circle, excited. "Lop them off and throw them away, never to be seen again! Make me smooooth!" he licked his lips after he said that last word. Donnelly was scared.
"What do you want your nipples removed?" he asked, wondering if he should make a run for it.
"Because I shouldn't have them!" said Andrew, as if this made perfect sense. "They don't DO anything except sit there causing me pain. I can't stop flicking them and rubbing them and I think they might give me cancer..."
"Oh, that's...that's not the case at all..." said Donnelly.
"They're MY nipples and I want them gone!" said Andrew, firmly, sitting down now. "We can you arrange an operation for me?"
"I think you should say someone...an expect on these types of things," said Donnelly.
"A nipple expert? I couldn't find one, man!" said Andrew.
"No," said Donnelly, nervous about how Andrew would react. "I think you should see a psychiatrist." Andrew looked as though his world had collapsed.
"I thought you were different," he said, broken. "I thought you'd take me seriously. All I want is my nipples cut off."
"Now Andrew, you have to understand..."
"NO!" Andrew was upset. "THEY'RE MY NIPPLES AND IF YOU WON'T CUT THEM OFF I'LL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL!"
"Andrew, please..." but he stormed out. Donnelly got up to go after him...then sat back down. Why should he? He should be home by now, with his wife, not chasing after crazy people. Donnelly wait until he was sure Andrew was gone (he could hear him shouting at the receptionsit) and then got up to leave. Just he walked into the reception area, he heard a car screeching outside and a scream. The receptionist came running in.
"Quick, Doctor Donnolly, it's your patient!" she said and Donnolly ran outside to find Andrew lying on the road, smiling, a car beside him.
"He just ran right out in front of me, I couldn't stop!" said the driver.
"Damn it Andrew, why!" said Donnolly, rushing to his injured patient.
"When I'm in hospital...when they're healing my wounds...I'll tell them it still hurts...and they'll have to cut my nipples off...they'll have to...and I'll be free..." Andrew was fading fast, struggling to keep his eyes open. "I'LL BE FREE!" he said with one last burst of energy.
"Yes, Andrew," said Donnolly. "You'll be free."
"Doctor, you have to do something!" said the receptionist. "I've phoned an ambulance, but..."
"Why bother?" said Donnelly. Then he smiled cruelly. "He wants to be free."
"But doctor!"
"Let him be free!" said Donnelly, an erection rising in his pants. "Let them all be free!"
SIX MONTHS LATER, AN ARTICLE IN THE SUN
"Doctor Decland Donnolly was today arrested for the murder of nine prostitutes and six homeless men. He cut off the nipples of all his victms and wrote "NOW THEY ARE FREE!" in their blood. The bastard!"
