CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"I LOVE YOU NATALIE PORTMAN! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" shouted Jerry at the beautiful dark haired girl running away from him.
"What you shouting for?" asked a homeless man.
"That was Natalie Portman!" said Jerry, excited. "I saw her from my window and I had to come and tell her that I love her!"
"What's so special 'bout this here Natalie Portman?" asked the homeless man, scratching his arse.
"You haven't heard of her!? asked Jerry in disbelief.
"Should I have, boy?" asked the homeless man, amused. "I know who most of the big players are in this here town. I've sucked the cocks of a few of them, for money!"
"Uh...yeah," said Jerry. "She's not from this town. She's a famous actress."
"So what was she doing walking down this street?" asked the homeless man.
"I don't know!" said Jerry. "But it was HER and I LOVE her! I had just finished masturbating to her visage when I saw her! I looked out my bedroom window...I dropped, umm, something because I was so excited! NATALIE! Maybe I made her flesh. Maybe I control reality!"
"Damn boy, you sound like Shuffling Steve from uptown," said the homeless man, licking his palm for some crazed reason that would only make sense to other homeless people. "He always sayin' he controls reality! But he done don't!"
"WELL I DO YOU CUNT!" said Jerry, a crazed look on his face. "YOU SAY YOU SUCK THE COCKS OF IMPORTANT PEOPLE? WELL SUCK MINE! SUCK THE COCK OF THE REALITY CONTROLLER, BITCH! SUCK IT NOW!"
"Watch yourself, boy!" said the homeless man standing up. That was when Jerry pulled out a knife.
"I grabbed it in case I had to cut Natalie!" he said. "CUT HER GOOD! But I'll use it on you! I'LL SLICE AND DICE!"
"That's him, officer!" came a woman's voice. Jerry span round as two police officers made their way towards him. The woman held back.
"Put the knife down, son," said the cop.
"Natalie? It's me! Your husband!" said Jerry, dropping the knife and running towards the girl. The cops grabbed him and roughly threw him to the ground where one cuffed him and the other read him his rights. "YOU CAN'T ARREST ME! I CONTROL REALITY!"
"Yeah?" said the cop. "Well that's no excuse for dropping semen soaked hankies on girl's heads!"
"NATALIE, TELL THEM YOU LOVE ME!" screamed Jerry, desperate.
"My name isn't Natalie!" said the woman, stepping forward. She was pretty but quite clearly NOT Natalie Portman.
"NOOOOO! IT'S A TRICK! THE DOGS OF SPACE HAVE BETRAYED ME! SAVE THE TUNA! FORGET THE WEE BANANA FIBBERS!" Jerry continued along this line as they bundled him into the car.
"That was strange," remarked the homeless man.
"Yeah," said the girl. Then, after the car drove away, she laughed.
"What you laughin' at, missy?"
"Me? JUST THE FACT THAT I AM THE DEVIL!" she said, transforming into a horned beast and devouring on the homeless man's soul!
"What you shouting for?" asked a homeless man.
"That was Natalie Portman!" said Jerry, excited. "I saw her from my window and I had to come and tell her that I love her!"
"What's so special 'bout this here Natalie Portman?" asked the homeless man, scratching his arse.
"You haven't heard of her!? asked Jerry in disbelief.
"Should I have, boy?" asked the homeless man, amused. "I know who most of the big players are in this here town. I've sucked the cocks of a few of them, for money!"
"Uh...yeah," said Jerry. "She's not from this town. She's a famous actress."
"So what was she doing walking down this street?" asked the homeless man.
"I don't know!" said Jerry. "But it was HER and I LOVE her! I had just finished masturbating to her visage when I saw her! I looked out my bedroom window...I dropped, umm, something because I was so excited! NATALIE! Maybe I made her flesh. Maybe I control reality!"
"Damn boy, you sound like Shuffling Steve from uptown," said the homeless man, licking his palm for some crazed reason that would only make sense to other homeless people. "He always sayin' he controls reality! But he done don't!"
"WELL I DO YOU CUNT!" said Jerry, a crazed look on his face. "YOU SAY YOU SUCK THE COCKS OF IMPORTANT PEOPLE? WELL SUCK MINE! SUCK THE COCK OF THE REALITY CONTROLLER, BITCH! SUCK IT NOW!"
"Watch yourself, boy!" said the homeless man standing up. That was when Jerry pulled out a knife.
"I grabbed it in case I had to cut Natalie!" he said. "CUT HER GOOD! But I'll use it on you! I'LL SLICE AND DICE!"
"That's him, officer!" came a woman's voice. Jerry span round as two police officers made their way towards him. The woman held back.
"Put the knife down, son," said the cop.
"Natalie? It's me! Your husband!" said Jerry, dropping the knife and running towards the girl. The cops grabbed him and roughly threw him to the ground where one cuffed him and the other read him his rights. "YOU CAN'T ARREST ME! I CONTROL REALITY!"
"Yeah?" said the cop. "Well that's no excuse for dropping semen soaked hankies on girl's heads!"
"NATALIE, TELL THEM YOU LOVE ME!" screamed Jerry, desperate.
"My name isn't Natalie!" said the woman, stepping forward. She was pretty but quite clearly NOT Natalie Portman.
"NOOOOO! IT'S A TRICK! THE DOGS OF SPACE HAVE BETRAYED ME! SAVE THE TUNA! FORGET THE WEE BANANA FIBBERS!" Jerry continued along this line as they bundled him into the car.
"That was strange," remarked the homeless man.
"Yeah," said the girl. Then, after the car drove away, she laughed.
"What you laughin' at, missy?"
"Me? JUST THE FACT THAT I AM THE DEVIL!" she said, transforming into a horned beast and devouring on the homeless man's soul!