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HOLMGREN EXPLAINS LACK OF TIME MANAGEMENT
Seattle(AP) Seattle Coach Mike Holmgren, seeking to divert attention from his team's impotent 2 minute drills in the waning moments of the 1st and 2nd halves of Superbowl XL, blamed one of his team assistants and the stadium vendors for the lack of time management. A still agitated Holmgren stated "Football is about sticking to routines and one of my routines is to enjoy a couple of 7-11 microwave bean and cheese burritos with three minutes to go before halftime". Team sources said the burritos are normally cooked on high for 30 seconds with 3:30 to go in the half. The unnamed assistant, unable to locate a 7-11 near Ford Field, purchased 2 burritios from a Citgo Foodmart. Unbeknownst to the assistant, the Citgo burritios required a 90 second cooking time. Holmgren explained he was so famished, he confused the LED timer on the microwave with the game clock and was so furious at having to wait, he simply forgot to send plays in to his confused quarterback, Matt Hasselback. "This is the NFL, said Holmgren," to me, that stands for NOT FU*&ING LATER, as in, I want my burritos now, NOT FU%$ING LATER".
With minutes to go in the game, Holmgren said the smell of the tasty kosher hotdogs wafting in from the sidelines left him unable to think of anything but getting one. "Damn it" ,said a drooling Holmgren, "there is no doubt in my mind the vendors were Pittsburgh fans and they purposely took 20-30 fresh, tasty hotdogs down to the first row, just when I needed to concentrate. I knew it would be tough to beat the Steelers but I didn't know I'd have to beat the hot dog vendors, too." The NFL investigated Holmgren's claims and only issued a statement that the hotdogs at Ford Field were indeed tasty, especially with mustard and a side of fries.
In a related story, much maligned Seattle Tight End Jerammy Stevens said the butter and grease from the huge tub of popcorn he got for Holmgren during pre-game warmups probably contributed to his dropped passes. "I should have washed my hands". said a depressed Stevens, "but my hands were so greasy, I thought I might drop the soap and there's no way you want to pick up the soap in our locker room"
A visibly sorrowful Holmgren vowed his team would win the Superbowl next year, after he was informed the losing team could not attend the post game buffet.
Seattle(AP) Seattle Coach Mike Holmgren, seeking to divert attention from his team's impotent 2 minute drills in the waning moments of the 1st and 2nd halves of Superbowl XL, blamed one of his team assistants and the stadium vendors for the lack of time management. A still agitated Holmgren stated "Football is about sticking to routines and one of my routines is to enjoy a couple of 7-11 microwave bean and cheese burritos with three minutes to go before halftime". Team sources said the burritos are normally cooked on high for 30 seconds with 3:30 to go in the half. The unnamed assistant, unable to locate a 7-11 near Ford Field, purchased 2 burritios from a Citgo Foodmart. Unbeknownst to the assistant, the Citgo burritios required a 90 second cooking time. Holmgren explained he was so famished, he confused the LED timer on the microwave with the game clock and was so furious at having to wait, he simply forgot to send plays in to his confused quarterback, Matt Hasselback. "This is the NFL, said Holmgren," to me, that stands for NOT FU*&ING LATER, as in, I want my burritos now, NOT FU%$ING LATER".
With minutes to go in the game, Holmgren said the smell of the tasty kosher hotdogs wafting in from the sidelines left him unable to think of anything but getting one. "Damn it" ,said a drooling Holmgren, "there is no doubt in my mind the vendors were Pittsburgh fans and they purposely took 20-30 fresh, tasty hotdogs down to the first row, just when I needed to concentrate. I knew it would be tough to beat the Steelers but I didn't know I'd have to beat the hot dog vendors, too." The NFL investigated Holmgren's claims and only issued a statement that the hotdogs at Ford Field were indeed tasty, especially with mustard and a side of fries.
In a related story, much maligned Seattle Tight End Jerammy Stevens said the butter and grease from the huge tub of popcorn he got for Holmgren during pre-game warmups probably contributed to his dropped passes. "I should have washed my hands". said a depressed Stevens, "but my hands were so greasy, I thought I might drop the soap and there's no way you want to pick up the soap in our locker room"
A visibly sorrowful Holmgren vowed his team would win the Superbowl next year, after he was informed the losing team could not attend the post game buffet.
