CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
BBC head of programming Bernard Cunt today announced that their 2008-2012 classic series Merlin will be resurrected as "A.I. content." All scripts and actors will be completely generated by computer. "Everyone loved Merlin and his zany adventures," laughed Cunt. "We thought of bringing it back properly but that would mean paying the actors! Plus John Hurt's dead so he probably wouldn't want to be in it. So we have decided, instead, to make some A.I. shit by feeind all Merlin scripts and footage into a computer! Nobody will notice the difference, it will be great!"
A "sample scene" was released to show that the quality of the writing has not decreased.
(INTERIOR: Arthur's bedroom. Merlin is frantically searching through Arthur's underpants for the pair of pants which have had a DARK CURSE placed on them.)
Merllin: Have to find the right pants before Arthur's balls are burned off! But the only way to know for sure which pair are cursed is to, *GULP*, try them on myself!
(Merlin takes his own trousers and pants off and we see his bumhole. He tries on several pairs of paints.)
Merlin: My balls feel fine!
(He tries on a PINK FLUFFY pair of Arthur's pants. He grimaces in pan.)
Merlin: Oh no, my balls!
(Before he can take the cursed pants off, Arthur walks into the room. Merlin quickly pulls his trousers up, without taking the pants off.)
Merlin: Oww...
Arthur: Merlin what the Hell are you doing in here, you pleb? Why are you going through my underwear?
Merlin: Uhh...I was going to clean them for you?
Arthur: Urhg, you really are a filthy little shit, aren't you? You should be thrashed for this. God I hate poor people.
Merlin: Please, can I leave, I...I'm in pain!
(He dances around trying not to give away that his balls are on fire.)
Arthur: Yes, go and sleep on straw or whatever YOU PEOPLE do. I need to take my shirt off.
(Merlin is about to leave but stops when Arhtur takes his shirt off. His jaw drops.)
Merlin: So hot...
Arthur: What?
Merlin: Uhh, I said...sleep not. I'm not going to sleep!
Arthur: I don't care you shit.
(Arthur flexes for some reason.)
Merlin: Oh no, I can't get an erection right now....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(The opening credits begin to roll. Every character is listead as played by John Barrowman despite him not being in the show. They end with "And John Barrowman as the Voice of John Barrowman.)
Who can tell the differencE!
A "sample scene" was released to show that the quality of the writing has not decreased.
(INTERIOR: Arthur's bedroom. Merlin is frantically searching through Arthur's underpants for the pair of pants which have had a DARK CURSE placed on them.)
Merllin: Have to find the right pants before Arthur's balls are burned off! But the only way to know for sure which pair are cursed is to, *GULP*, try them on myself!
(Merlin takes his own trousers and pants off and we see his bumhole. He tries on several pairs of paints.)
Merlin: My balls feel fine!
(He tries on a PINK FLUFFY pair of Arthur's pants. He grimaces in pan.)
Merlin: Oh no, my balls!
(Before he can take the cursed pants off, Arthur walks into the room. Merlin quickly pulls his trousers up, without taking the pants off.)
Merlin: Oww...
Arthur: Merlin what the Hell are you doing in here, you pleb? Why are you going through my underwear?
Merlin: Uhh...I was going to clean them for you?
Arthur: Urhg, you really are a filthy little shit, aren't you? You should be thrashed for this. God I hate poor people.
Merlin: Please, can I leave, I...I'm in pain!
(He dances around trying not to give away that his balls are on fire.)
Arthur: Yes, go and sleep on straw or whatever YOU PEOPLE do. I need to take my shirt off.
(Merlin is about to leave but stops when Arhtur takes his shirt off. His jaw drops.)
Merlin: So hot...
Arthur: What?
Merlin: Uhh, I said...sleep not. I'm not going to sleep!
Arthur: I don't care you shit.
(Arthur flexes for some reason.)
Merlin: Oh no, I can't get an erection right now....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(The opening credits begin to roll. Every character is listead as played by John Barrowman despite him not being in the show. They end with "And John Barrowman as the Voice of John Barrowman.)
Who can tell the differencE!
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