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The dark

Mirah

Mirah

I love you
I can't get to sleep
I walk around the corner
expecting to see her there

I leave the lights on
As soon as the sun comes up I fall asleep
I fall asleep at 6/7 O clock
and I sleep like a baby

The dark is when it happened
The dark is when she took her own life
The dark is when she felt alone
 
I am afraid
I have succesfully forgotten where I was for at least 20 minutes
I had a show on
the computer screen
I am in a strange house
in a strange bed
cat on my lap
dog at my feet
the room is dark
all is dark
and I'm just watching this show
the cat had got up temporarily and then came back
and I remembered
oh yeah
I'm in a strange house
in a strange bed
but at least I brought my own sheets
 
The last time I heard ths song,
you were alive

I know that
because the song is about suicide

I was sitting in the living room today and I wanted to lose it
I remember hearing that song over a month ago
I acted blasse towards it "It happens, no big deal"

And then it did happen

Big deal

I would apologize, but there is nobody to apologize to
 
Someone posted on twitter: Leave a gif or yt of something that reminds you of your childhood. I went right to typing in "nightmare" but then looked at the other posts and saw all of these cutesy things.
Hard pass.
I mean it wasn't all nightmare. But seriously, someone says, "childhood" and I don't immedietly think of something fun or funny or cute. WTF is up with that shit?
 
My paradise has become my prison
the dream has turned into a nightmare!

The cakes are ruined!
The ice cream spoiled!

Even the pickles are not crisp
But the brand new apples are! Sonic Boom Apple or Sonic Sparkly apple Oh, it is the Cosmic Crisp Excuse Me!
Would you like a Cosmic Crisp?
Yeah, shove it up your vagina!

I think tonight would be a good night for Flea Bag-where is that thread?

I could watch some more Downton Abbey, of course Queer Eye Guy has to show me up and finger curl his hair and post it on instagram and say he has been re-watching Downton too. NO I WAS! IT WAS ME! I WAS RE-WATCHING IT FIRST!

Does this posting remind you of Neon? WE could BE duals! Which is the main?

I beiieve this is 40, 199 or just 10, 499for ILC Oooooooh one more post until 10, 500.
 
I like my pickles crisp.

I made these awesome louisiana style pickled green beans from this years garden harvest.

They're pretty awesome :::crunch crunch:::

Prebiotics FTW!
 
Yeah, crisp pickles are awesome. I'll eat pickles in almost any form. On a stick, dip, pickle beer, Jameson pickleback shots, etc. I need to get back to the Sterling Ren Faire someday. They had nice big sour pickles for $1.
 
7 weeks
7 weeks ago
I stand on the snow
I look over the city
and I see
the place
the tears don't come now
just
acceptance
acknowledgement
appreciation
that I can remember
and stand
at the place
and look at your place
sleep with less lights on
not see in my head
the horrid details
of your death
look at your necklace
and nail polish
and hair clip
and be glad
that I have them
I wonder who is next
who will be next to go
in this life?
It happens
it probably has already happened
 
I should have left it all alone
then someone else started posting about it today

I need drugs. I want drugs. Just to help me sleep, but not feel groggy in the morning. It is almost too late in the evening now for that. Shit. Even some good tea helps, maybe I will do that instead.
 
We buried you
burned you
put you in a box
had a "service" you have been put away
out of memory
and now
someoene wants to bring you back
I would rather not
i thought i did, but I don't.

I hope after this final service on Sunday that I can really put it away
and bring it up only when neccesary.
I'm not sure this service on Sunday will help or not
but I am willing to give it a try.
 
There was a service held today after church for her
it was so beautiful
I thought it would make me more depressed, but it really did help
I was so glad
I still feel at peace ths evenng
 
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