Somebody said I had balls of steel and all I could think of is how bad it would hurt to tea bag them. Hurt them of course, not me.
Remember a long time ago when I made a joke about not touching bathroom door handles with our hands, but using our elbows to open and close things and I said that in the future we would all have some strange elbow disease? I"M SORRY! I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY! I NEVER KNEW IT WOULD COME TO THIS!
How could I have known? SERIOUSLY?!
I used to do this joke about public bathrooms and how no one actually touches the faucet handle anymore because they wipe it with a towel, so I said that was the cleanest place to touch now. And then I said the dirtiest place to touch is the stall door. I said I don't use my hands for that, I use my mouth.
I loved hearing the groans and then saying
Just kidding!
of course.
And that is when I would talk about the elbow disease we would have.
And then I talked about being in an "old fashioned" restroom once-the kind you had to turn the faucet on by hand.
I wondered what people would do in the future or in their homes, do they just stand there waving in front of the soap dispensor waiting for soap to come out?
And then I realize I am spending way too much time talking about public bathrooms and so I move on to another topic
like my family!
And I talk about my family. How when I told them I wanted to be a comedian they laughed but I hadn't even told a joke yet.
And then I talk about my mom trying to be a comedian and she tells that joke about " A man walks into a bar" except she says, "A man walks into a tavern" instead.
And then I realize I am talking bad about my family and I move on to something else like myself.
Or I might talk about birds and how when you walk up near then they leave their dinner plate in such a hurry, imagine if humans were like that when you walked by them in a restaurant.
And then I demonstrate how different animals eat and how it would look if humans ate like that.
Sometimes I talk about what it looks like to be a photographer. A nature photographer. I say, "You just have to look like a photographer" by getting down in all sorts of positions. Then I talk about how a friend and I had a contest who could take the best nature shot in the village and I would describe scenes such as " I got a shot of a chipmunk on top of a deer while it was being hugged by a child" sort of thing and she would say what kind of photo she got and so on.
Now I am going to talk about Covid and how I work in a bank and I wear a mask on the inside of the bank. And then I am going to say that I actually hear that sooo many times now it isn't funny anymore. But I have a whole line up about covid jokes, I just can't remember any of them at the moment. Quarantine jokes, zoom jokes. THEY'VE ALL BEEN DONE! But I think I have some unique ones. Maybe.
I am working up the courage to do a set, video and upload it or even do a live one w/ some people that do live open mics over FB now.
Mirah! Don't forget about your driving jokes! And how about any jokes about working on a boat for the summer! There has to be something funny about that!
