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These are things that are the worst. An incomplete list.

Not David Bowie

Not David Bowie

New member
In this thread I will share with you things that we can all agree are simply just awful. At times, I may expound upon the reasons something may be so absolutely turrible, not because I would insult anyone's intelligence (again, these things will all just be objectively the worst things), but simply to vent. For mental health.

Wait. Better idea. The first post will be a running list that I will update as more things must be added. And then the following posts will be more descriptive in nature. Yes, that's what will be happening here.

  • LOL Dolls
  • Figs
  • Decaffeinated Coffee
  • Pikmi Pops
  • The smell of vinegar
  • Ticks
  • (to be continued...)
 
Illegal aliens who run leaf blowers for literally no productive purpose. They do it just to fake like they're working, but in such a flimsy and transparently fake way that it's actually insulting.

Like running a leaf blower over a parking lot where there's nothing for the fucking noisemaker to even blow because it's spring, there are no leaves, and no detritus for the thing to blow. They're just making a racket to justify getting paid illegally under the table.

Like, it's bad enough when you take a job that could put money and experience toward an American citizen teenager. But to fake it? That's insult upon injury. Go pick fucking oranges or some shit, Pedro. At least then you're actually doing something, you fraud fuck.
 
I'll first take a moment to share my ramblings about the fig. Why, you may well ask? Because. First of all, figs deserve it. B: it was already typed up and ready to share. Tertiarily, you're not my real dad so stop pestering me so much already.

I think it's an objective truth that figs are just terrible. I mean, what other fruits do we eat that depend on a wasp infestation in order to simply exist? "None" is the only correct answer, and it should be further clarified to "None, including the abomination that is the fig." Cucumbers are a much better fruit than figs, and many people don't even give the humble cuke the credit of being a fruit to begin with. Now, even bringing up the noble cucumber is inviting someone else to make false assertions about the excellence of pickles, for which they should be first challenged, and then flagellated severely. But that certainly seems to exceed the scope of the topic at hand, so we can save that for a different chat. For now, suffice to say that figs are simply bad, and really, one has to wonder what ever possessed someone to eat one in the first place. There had to have been other choices for nourishment. Yet someone decided, despite having alternative options, to not only have the first fig, but to recommend it to others around them. I'm not convinced that the first person to eat the fig didn't lose a bet, and then set out to convince others to join him in his poor decision making so as to feel less like a fool.
 
The Highwayman said:
I've never craved a "Cucumber Newton". Your argument is invalid.
Click to expand...
Many things are not fit for being Newtonized. Cucumbers are among them. Fig Newtons are, much like the fig, an abomination. If you happen to think they are tasty, it's not your fault. You can't be held accountable for it. But you may be suffering from having terrible taste in snacks.
 
Fig Newtons are kinda gritty, or something. I haven't had one in years.

BUT

HOW DARE YOU DISPARAGE THE CUCUMBER.
 
Cassie said:
Fig Newtons are kinda gritty, or something. I haven't had one in years.

BUT

HOW DARE YOU DISPARAGE THE CUCUMBER.
Click to expand...
I did no such thing! Would you have a Lettuce Newton? I think not! A chicken pot pit Newton? That might depend on the Newton I suppose, so perhaps. A tomato Newton? Certainly not! But those are all still very good things prior to going through the Newtonification process.

I did not disparage one of the greatest of the not-overly-sweet fruits. I only meant to point out that there is a time and a place for Newtoning a food. And the fig does not deserve a seat at the table. So to speak, of course.
 
I could go for a nice Juice Newton. "Just call me angel..."

Or an Olivia Newton John. "I got chills, they're multiplyin'..."

These are not the worst. The worst is being a janitor. In a porno place. Because janitors empty bloody tampon recepticles. And in a porno place they also mop up jizz. And unless you're getting 6 figures no one wants to do that. Shit, I don't want to do either *for* 6 figures.
 
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