CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"Ten...nine...eight...seven..." counted down Charles Horse. "Wait...it's only eleven. There's still an hour to go. Hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He wasn't talking to anyone. Not even to himself.
He had nothing to do for the next hour. He hadn't planned ahead. He could do some sitting, but he'd just done that for the last hour. If he sat for too long his spine hurt now. He couldn't even enjoy a good sit anymore.
He could put his legs up on his desk while he sat, but he suspected that would make him hurt more later.
And why was his pee yellow today?
He didn't sigh because that was the kind of thing normal people did.
He lay down on his front. Maybe he would hump the ground.
But of course Charles Horse couldn't get an erection anymore.
He lay there for a long time. He finally looked up.
It was only six minutes past eleven now.
"Hahahahaha. AAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"
He'd write a story about killing people
___________________
Jerry Seinfold liked to kill people. He sneaked up to them on the street and stabbed them in the kidneys. So far he hadn't been caught. So far. But he'd just stabbed someone in the kidneys and someone else had seen. He was running now as two people chased him. What were they thinking? Couldn't they just let him stab people in the kidneys in peace?
He was at a dead end now. He turned to face the music...
The two people were cactuses.
"What's the DEAL with cactuses?" said Jerry. "Is it cactuses or cactii? Who cares! Let's do cocaine!"
They did cocaine all night.
In the morning he woke up in bed with ten puppies.
He'd had sex with all of them.
He skinned them and wore they fur as a hat.
The next day he stabbed Chief O'Brien in the liver.
It was his biggest erection yet.
_____________________
Charles Horse wasn't entirely happy with the story.
It had seemed to end strangely.
______________________
What is a year anyway, Horse wondered.
365 days.
Why is that a significant period of time?
Oh he knew why.
Because that's how long it takes the Earth to rotate around the sun. Or revolve. Whatever. The right word.
But it was nothing.
A day was nothing.
365 days wasn't even that much.
Should be at least 500 days in a year.
He'd prefer a thousand.
But then of course that would mean human lives last much less years.
And that's when it hit Charles Horse.
The human lifespan was way too fucking short.
He didn't start crying because that was the kind of thing a normal person would have done.
But he felt alarmed I can assure you of that.
_____________________________
It still wasn't the "new" year yet.
Maybe he should get drunk.
And then...
No.
What was the point.
Maybe he should explode.
MAYBE HE SHOULD FUCKING EXPLODE.
____________________________
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
____________________________
"happy new year!"
"thanks"
"oh...it's you"
"yes"
"is it because it's a new year is that why you're back?"
"well, no. it's only 11:38"
"oh yeah"
"i'm just back i guess"
"not really. you're just me."
"true."
"so that doesn't really help"
"nope"
__________________________
VROOM VROOM I'M A CAR
charles next looked at the clcok at 12:34
wher ehad the time went¬!
gffjs
fde
dsh
fs
dhfio
[shfo9iaha
hdfa hFUCKMDSag
dffa
gf
da
gfd
asgfADTGHASygya
gf
aIT's ALL A HORSE SHOW
He had nothing to do for the next hour. He hadn't planned ahead. He could do some sitting, but he'd just done that for the last hour. If he sat for too long his spine hurt now. He couldn't even enjoy a good sit anymore.
He could put his legs up on his desk while he sat, but he suspected that would make him hurt more later.
And why was his pee yellow today?
He didn't sigh because that was the kind of thing normal people did.
He lay down on his front. Maybe he would hump the ground.
But of course Charles Horse couldn't get an erection anymore.
He lay there for a long time. He finally looked up.
It was only six minutes past eleven now.
"Hahahahaha. AAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"
He'd write a story about killing people
___________________
Jerry Seinfold liked to kill people. He sneaked up to them on the street and stabbed them in the kidneys. So far he hadn't been caught. So far. But he'd just stabbed someone in the kidneys and someone else had seen. He was running now as two people chased him. What were they thinking? Couldn't they just let him stab people in the kidneys in peace?
He was at a dead end now. He turned to face the music...
The two people were cactuses.
"What's the DEAL with cactuses?" said Jerry. "Is it cactuses or cactii? Who cares! Let's do cocaine!"
They did cocaine all night.
In the morning he woke up in bed with ten puppies.
He'd had sex with all of them.
He skinned them and wore they fur as a hat.
The next day he stabbed Chief O'Brien in the liver.
It was his biggest erection yet.
_____________________
Charles Horse wasn't entirely happy with the story.
It had seemed to end strangely.
______________________
What is a year anyway, Horse wondered.
365 days.
Why is that a significant period of time?
Oh he knew why.
Because that's how long it takes the Earth to rotate around the sun. Or revolve. Whatever. The right word.
But it was nothing.
A day was nothing.
365 days wasn't even that much.
Should be at least 500 days in a year.
He'd prefer a thousand.
But then of course that would mean human lives last much less years.
And that's when it hit Charles Horse.
The human lifespan was way too fucking short.
He didn't start crying because that was the kind of thing a normal person would have done.
But he felt alarmed I can assure you of that.
_____________________________
It still wasn't the "new" year yet.
Maybe he should get drunk.
And then...
No.
What was the point.
Maybe he should explode.
MAYBE HE SHOULD FUCKING EXPLODE.
____________________________
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
____________________________
"happy new year!"
"thanks"
"oh...it's you"
"yes"
"is it because it's a new year is that why you're back?"
"well, no. it's only 11:38"
"oh yeah"
"i'm just back i guess"
"not really. you're just me."
"true."
"so that doesn't really help"
"nope"
__________________________
VROOM VROOM I'M A CAR
charles next looked at the clcok at 12:34
wher ehad the time went¬!
gffjs
fde
dsh
fs
dhfio
[shfo9iaha
hdfa hFUCKMDSag
dffa
gf
da
gfd
asgfADTGHASygya
gf
aIT's ALL A HORSE SHOW
