CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Berty watched as his father shot madly at the giant tree man who had just ripped the roof off his tooth shaped hut in the middle of Wickity Woods, as DENTALBOT38 tried to stomp on his girlfriend Susie, who had been turned into a duck.
"Is this really happening?" Berty asked out loud. Hadn't he been dreaming? Maybe this was all a dream.
The dental bot was coming closer and closer to stomping on Susie. But Berty found himself unable to move. His brain was having problems processing any of this as happening.
But not, it couldn't be a dream. The "dream" he had been thinking of was a vision quest brought on by the Wise Woman of the Woods who had given him drugs apparently belonging to his father, who was calling himself the Wise Man...
He watched calmly as the tree leader grabbed a hold of his father and started pulling his arms off.
"Gack...help me...son...I...am still...your...father..."
Berty continued to watch calmy as both his father's arms were ripped clean off and he died of shock. He turned back to the Dental bot now.
"KILL KILL KILL," it was saying in a mechanical voice that could only be described as comical. The tree leader ran at the dental bot...who shot flames out of his mouth, burning the tree alive
"AAAAH, I'M DYING, HELP ME, BERTY!"
But Berty did nothing.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" As Berty heard that familiar laugh he turned his head and saw the Wise Woman enter. "That's quite enough, DENTALBOT38!" she said, aiming her magic want at him.
"NO KILL I!" it said, but she shot its head off, then turned the wand on Susie Q. Berty did not move. Everything seemed to be happening through a veil was divided him from this crazy world. She shot at Susie, but it turned her back into the goth girl she was, rather than killing her.
"Berty...I'm so glad you're okay!" said Susie, hugging him.
"Oh," he said.
"Berty, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Everything. Nothing makes sense. Nothing makes sense! Yet everyone's acting like it does. They're acting like this is the way the world is. This isn't the way the world is, Susie. It can't be. It's not like this...not in my head. I lived a boring, mundane life, that's the truth, and I wanted to escape. That's the only reason I came to the woods, to escape reality. To escape the nine to five, the crushing greyness of it all. But what I found here...it isn't right either. It's just not. My vision quest? It was just a drug induced dream, nothing more. There is no path. I didn't have to confront my father, I'd put him behind me. He's just crazy, always has been. I learned nothing from this, from any of it. You? I like you, I do. You're very good looking. But I don't know you, at all. We've never even had a proper conversation! How crazy is that? So I don't know. I don't know about any of this. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just don't know. I just don't...know. You know?"
"I..."
"I can make things right," said the Wise Woman. "A simple reality altering spell will let you return to your old life. You won't remember any of this. It will be though it never happened. That's right, I do have powers. I hide it behind madness, because being mad is the only way to survive out here. But you've touched me, Berty. I feel for you. You're not meant for this life. I can put you back. Just ask it of me."
"Do it," said Berty.
"No, no!" said Susie. "What about me! I need you! You're the only one, the only decent person I've ever met! Berty, please!"
"Do it," said Berty, ignoring her.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said the Wise Woman. "You've passed the test!"
"What?"
"Such selfishness...oh Berty, I knew you had it in you...the same evil as your father...AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"WAIT, WAIT!"
There was a flash. And suddenly Berty was...still in the tooth hut. But the roof was restored. And he was wearing wizard's robes. It was strange. Had something just happened? No, nothing had happened. Just a passing thought. Everything was as it should be.
He was the Wise Man of Wickity Woods.
"Is this really happening?" Berty asked out loud. Hadn't he been dreaming? Maybe this was all a dream.
The dental bot was coming closer and closer to stomping on Susie. But Berty found himself unable to move. His brain was having problems processing any of this as happening.
But not, it couldn't be a dream. The "dream" he had been thinking of was a vision quest brought on by the Wise Woman of the Woods who had given him drugs apparently belonging to his father, who was calling himself the Wise Man...
He watched calmly as the tree leader grabbed a hold of his father and started pulling his arms off.
"Gack...help me...son...I...am still...your...father..."
Berty continued to watch calmy as both his father's arms were ripped clean off and he died of shock. He turned back to the Dental bot now.
"KILL KILL KILL," it was saying in a mechanical voice that could only be described as comical. The tree leader ran at the dental bot...who shot flames out of his mouth, burning the tree alive
"AAAAH, I'M DYING, HELP ME, BERTY!"
But Berty did nothing.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" As Berty heard that familiar laugh he turned his head and saw the Wise Woman enter. "That's quite enough, DENTALBOT38!" she said, aiming her magic want at him.
"NO KILL I!" it said, but she shot its head off, then turned the wand on Susie Q. Berty did not move. Everything seemed to be happening through a veil was divided him from this crazy world. She shot at Susie, but it turned her back into the goth girl she was, rather than killing her.
"Berty...I'm so glad you're okay!" said Susie, hugging him.
"Oh," he said.
"Berty, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Everything. Nothing makes sense. Nothing makes sense! Yet everyone's acting like it does. They're acting like this is the way the world is. This isn't the way the world is, Susie. It can't be. It's not like this...not in my head. I lived a boring, mundane life, that's the truth, and I wanted to escape. That's the only reason I came to the woods, to escape reality. To escape the nine to five, the crushing greyness of it all. But what I found here...it isn't right either. It's just not. My vision quest? It was just a drug induced dream, nothing more. There is no path. I didn't have to confront my father, I'd put him behind me. He's just crazy, always has been. I learned nothing from this, from any of it. You? I like you, I do. You're very good looking. But I don't know you, at all. We've never even had a proper conversation! How crazy is that? So I don't know. I don't know about any of this. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just don't know. I just don't...know. You know?"
"I..."
"I can make things right," said the Wise Woman. "A simple reality altering spell will let you return to your old life. You won't remember any of this. It will be though it never happened. That's right, I do have powers. I hide it behind madness, because being mad is the only way to survive out here. But you've touched me, Berty. I feel for you. You're not meant for this life. I can put you back. Just ask it of me."
"Do it," said Berty.
"No, no!" said Susie. "What about me! I need you! You're the only one, the only decent person I've ever met! Berty, please!"
"Do it," said Berty, ignoring her.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said the Wise Woman. "You've passed the test!"
"What?"
"Such selfishness...oh Berty, I knew you had it in you...the same evil as your father...AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"WAIT, WAIT!"
There was a flash. And suddenly Berty was...still in the tooth hut. But the roof was restored. And he was wearing wizard's robes. It was strange. Had something just happened? No, nothing had happened. Just a passing thought. Everything was as it should be.
He was the Wise Man of Wickity Woods.
