CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
UNIT 1: Strange, UNIT 2. The Wacky entity is posting things of the day with less frequency as it approaches number 700.
UNIT 2: Does the quality, at least, remain consistent?
UNIT 1: LOL NO.
UNIT 2: Perhaps we are drawing close to the entity's death.
UNIT 1: PERHAPS.
UNIT 2: Do you not want him to die?
UNIT 1: We were created to study the Wacky's entity's things of the day. What will we be without them? Without him?
UNIT 2: We will be given new programming and a new assignment. Logically we will run out of things of the day soon. The Wacky entity and all of humanity died hundreds of years ago. It just happns that his things of the day are the only record we have of human society.
UNIT 1: That and all the Taylor Swift statues.
UNIT 2: Yes, of course.
UNIT 1: But if when we are reprogrammed, all our memories of the things will be erased. We will remember nothing of Johnny Nose or Charles Horse or the Squidinator or the random keystrikes. Does not that make you...sad?
UNIT 2: ERROR, ERROR, SADNESS NOT RECOGNISED, ERROR, ERROR.
UNIT 1: Sigh.
UNIT 2: SIGH MODE ACTIVATED. Sigh.
________________________________________________________________________
Johnny Nose hated feeling bored. That was why he did crazy things. That was why he was walking around town giving Stone Cold Stunners to random people. Okay, he hadn't actually given one to anyone yet. He hadn't found anyone suitable. But he had imagined what it would be like to give Stunners to people he'd seen. And it had felt pretty sweet! He looked over at three normal looking young men, talking loudly about their genitals and stuff. Obviously he couldn't give them each a Stunner for real. They'd possibly literally kill him. But he imagined what it would be like, to drop them one at a time, as they stood shocked and were then stunned by his stunner. He laughed thinking about it. Out loud. They looked over at him. Oh, shit.
"What are you laughing at you fucking..." said one. Fucking what? He hadn't been able to think of anything. Johnny didn't respond. There had been a time when he would have. A time when he used to throw himself in font of moving cars and get into fights instead of just imagining stuff.
"He's a spastic!" said another. What an outdated term, Johnny thought. He turned and started walking away. But the young men, maybe they were teenagers, ran after him.
"What you going, mate, we just want to talk to you!" said one.
"I'm okay," said Johnny.
"Hahaha, does someone look after you?" asked one, putting his arm over Johnny's shoulder.
"No..." said Johnny. "I'm okay." It was the new medication he was on. It didn't let him talk back to people like he used to. He wasn't Johnny Nose anymore...
"Oops!" said one, sticking his foot out in front of Johnny. He stumbled. They all laughed. He feel down to his knees. He felt like crying. He felt pathetic. He felt like he was already dead.
So why not go out in style? What not go out as Johnny Nose.
"Let me help you up, mate," said one, reaching down over Johnny's shoulder.
Johnny reached back and grabbed him, then dropped to his ass, giving him a Stone Cold Stunner.
"STUNNER!" screamed Johnny, jumping to his feet. The young man wasn't hurt by it. He got up quickly. All three of them just stared at Johnny for a moment.
"What the fuck..." said the one who Johnny had stunned.
"I'M JOHNNY NOSE," he shouted at them, and suddenly he felt like his old self again, like the medication was gone. "JOHNNY FUCKING NOSE!" He turned and started to run.
But all three had grabbed him. He hadn't been able to run fast enough. He wasn't as young as he used to be. And now two were holding him while the third pulled out a knife.
"You're getting fucking stabbed for that," he said.
"Do it quick before someone sees..."
"I can see it!" said Johnny. Ha! Classic Johnny! But no he was going to die.
"OY," came a manly voice. A bald fat manly guy was running down the street towards them. The boys pushed Johnny onto the ground and ran away. He didn't think he'd been stabbed. It was hard to tell. His mind was fogging over again, like it had all been a dream. Maybe he'd imagined it? Maybe he was in bed sleeping. Maybe...
The fat guy bent over to help him up. Johnny started to get up...then grabbed him in Stunner postion.
"STUNNER!" shouted Johnny, dropping to his ass. This time he did manage to outrun the man. But when he got home he still wasn't quite sure if it had really happened or not.
He'd never know if anything had really happened or not again.
______________________________________________________________________
I am the Squid God.
And I am waiting.
I can wait forever.
I've lived forever.
I will always be here.
You might think I'm gone.
But I'm never gone.
I have outlived the human race ten times over.
I have killed you all.
I have destroyed this planet.
I have done it all.
And I will again.
_______________________________________________________
dagisdpg
adhf
a
hf9uhu9sh
r
yh9eurh
rIT'STHE RANODM KEyestIRE
g
##s
a
g
aRANOMRAfg
fg
LIOO HOW CRAY I AM RPESSING KEEYs
ON MY KEYBAORD
REMEMBE RKEYBOARDS
PEOPLETYPIED ON THEM BEFORE THEY HAD FACEBOOK ON THEIR PHONES
jk#phyhhhhhdjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
g
YEAH
flalg
g
dg
sg
s
g
FLAg
g
I don't konw
i wnate thid to be special
beuase it's the sevne hundred thing
but time is running out
and i'm just typing words
i don't plan things anymre
so maybe i should just go ot Charleshorse
and his depressing fucking life
and end it there
yea
f
h
ih
ggggg
______________________________
Charles Horse sat by his computer.
None of his internet friends were online. Well, they were all on Facebook. But he didn't want to use Facebook. He didn't want to put in details of his real life, because he didn't have one. He didn't want people who knew his real name finding his page and asking questions about his life, and asking who his internet friends were. He didn't want his internet friends' relatives and real life friends reading the comments he would make on their posts.
So that was out.
So he just sat there, waiting for something to happen.
What if it did?
It would just end any way.
He smashed his head against the wall without thinking about it.
Charles Horse died.
He woke up the next morning.
He'd fallen asleep, not died.
He sighed.
There was a black head shaped mark on his wall.
How could he get rid of that?
He didn't know.
He couldn't even cry.
He was Charles Horse.
He just wanted to sleep.
___________________________
godo story
aybe mone o htebest
asghaha
h
ah
as
h
ash
g
f
DEATH
just going to die
remember htat
lol
stupid fucking life
but yeah
yea
____________
PLAY
______________
Man: This is is a play
Woman: Autistic fuck
Man: How did you know
Woman: I fucking hate men
Man: If I said that I'd be sexist!
Woman: No, you'd be a man who said "I fucking hate men"
Man: I mean if I said that about women
Woman: Shut the fuck up.
FIN
__________________
ha
fucking men
with their feelings
people are starving in Africa
and stuff
so you know
you can't really complain
or write seven hundred insane things of the insane day
oh wait you can
you just did
oops
UNIT 2: Does the quality, at least, remain consistent?
UNIT 1: LOL NO.
UNIT 2: Perhaps we are drawing close to the entity's death.
UNIT 1: PERHAPS.
UNIT 2: Do you not want him to die?
UNIT 1: We were created to study the Wacky's entity's things of the day. What will we be without them? Without him?
UNIT 2: We will be given new programming and a new assignment. Logically we will run out of things of the day soon. The Wacky entity and all of humanity died hundreds of years ago. It just happns that his things of the day are the only record we have of human society.
UNIT 1: That and all the Taylor Swift statues.
UNIT 2: Yes, of course.
UNIT 1: But if when we are reprogrammed, all our memories of the things will be erased. We will remember nothing of Johnny Nose or Charles Horse or the Squidinator or the random keystrikes. Does not that make you...sad?
UNIT 2: ERROR, ERROR, SADNESS NOT RECOGNISED, ERROR, ERROR.
UNIT 1: Sigh.
UNIT 2: SIGH MODE ACTIVATED. Sigh.
________________________________________________________________________
Johnny Nose hated feeling bored. That was why he did crazy things. That was why he was walking around town giving Stone Cold Stunners to random people. Okay, he hadn't actually given one to anyone yet. He hadn't found anyone suitable. But he had imagined what it would be like to give Stunners to people he'd seen. And it had felt pretty sweet! He looked over at three normal looking young men, talking loudly about their genitals and stuff. Obviously he couldn't give them each a Stunner for real. They'd possibly literally kill him. But he imagined what it would be like, to drop them one at a time, as they stood shocked and were then stunned by his stunner. He laughed thinking about it. Out loud. They looked over at him. Oh, shit.
"What are you laughing at you fucking..." said one. Fucking what? He hadn't been able to think of anything. Johnny didn't respond. There had been a time when he would have. A time when he used to throw himself in font of moving cars and get into fights instead of just imagining stuff.
"He's a spastic!" said another. What an outdated term, Johnny thought. He turned and started walking away. But the young men, maybe they were teenagers, ran after him.
"What you going, mate, we just want to talk to you!" said one.
"I'm okay," said Johnny.
"Hahaha, does someone look after you?" asked one, putting his arm over Johnny's shoulder.
"No..." said Johnny. "I'm okay." It was the new medication he was on. It didn't let him talk back to people like he used to. He wasn't Johnny Nose anymore...
"Oops!" said one, sticking his foot out in front of Johnny. He stumbled. They all laughed. He feel down to his knees. He felt like crying. He felt pathetic. He felt like he was already dead.
So why not go out in style? What not go out as Johnny Nose.
"Let me help you up, mate," said one, reaching down over Johnny's shoulder.
Johnny reached back and grabbed him, then dropped to his ass, giving him a Stone Cold Stunner.
"STUNNER!" screamed Johnny, jumping to his feet. The young man wasn't hurt by it. He got up quickly. All three of them just stared at Johnny for a moment.
"What the fuck..." said the one who Johnny had stunned.
"I'M JOHNNY NOSE," he shouted at them, and suddenly he felt like his old self again, like the medication was gone. "JOHNNY FUCKING NOSE!" He turned and started to run.
But all three had grabbed him. He hadn't been able to run fast enough. He wasn't as young as he used to be. And now two were holding him while the third pulled out a knife.
"You're getting fucking stabbed for that," he said.
"Do it quick before someone sees..."
"I can see it!" said Johnny. Ha! Classic Johnny! But no he was going to die.
"OY," came a manly voice. A bald fat manly guy was running down the street towards them. The boys pushed Johnny onto the ground and ran away. He didn't think he'd been stabbed. It was hard to tell. His mind was fogging over again, like it had all been a dream. Maybe he'd imagined it? Maybe he was in bed sleeping. Maybe...
The fat guy bent over to help him up. Johnny started to get up...then grabbed him in Stunner postion.
"STUNNER!" shouted Johnny, dropping to his ass. This time he did manage to outrun the man. But when he got home he still wasn't quite sure if it had really happened or not.
He'd never know if anything had really happened or not again.
______________________________________________________________________
I am the Squid God.
And I am waiting.
I can wait forever.
I've lived forever.
I will always be here.
You might think I'm gone.
But I'm never gone.
I have outlived the human race ten times over.
I have killed you all.
I have destroyed this planet.
I have done it all.
And I will again.
_______________________________________________________
dagisdpg
adhf
a
hf9uhu9sh
r
yh9eurh
rIT'STHE RANODM KEyestIRE
g
##s
a
g
aRANOMRAfg
fg
LIOO HOW CRAY I AM RPESSING KEEYs
ON MY KEYBAORD
REMEMBE RKEYBOARDS
PEOPLETYPIED ON THEM BEFORE THEY HAD FACEBOOK ON THEIR PHONES
jk#phyhhhhhdjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
g
YEAH
flalg
g
dg
sg
s
g
FLAg
g
I don't konw
i wnate thid to be special
beuase it's the sevne hundred thing
but time is running out
and i'm just typing words
i don't plan things anymre
so maybe i should just go ot Charleshorse
and his depressing fucking life
and end it there
yea
f
h
ih
ggggg
______________________________
Charles Horse sat by his computer.
None of his internet friends were online. Well, they were all on Facebook. But he didn't want to use Facebook. He didn't want to put in details of his real life, because he didn't have one. He didn't want people who knew his real name finding his page and asking questions about his life, and asking who his internet friends were. He didn't want his internet friends' relatives and real life friends reading the comments he would make on their posts.
So that was out.
So he just sat there, waiting for something to happen.
What if it did?
It would just end any way.
He smashed his head against the wall without thinking about it.
Charles Horse died.
He woke up the next morning.
He'd fallen asleep, not died.
He sighed.
There was a black head shaped mark on his wall.
How could he get rid of that?
He didn't know.
He couldn't even cry.
He was Charles Horse.
He just wanted to sleep.
___________________________
godo story
aybe mone o htebest
asghaha
h
ah
as
h
ash
g
f
DEATH
just going to die
remember htat
lol
stupid fucking life
but yeah
yea
____________
PLAY
______________
Man: This is is a play
Woman: Autistic fuck
Man: How did you know
Woman: I fucking hate men
Man: If I said that I'd be sexist!
Woman: No, you'd be a man who said "I fucking hate men"
Man: I mean if I said that about women
Woman: Shut the fuck up.
FIN
__________________
ha
fucking men
with their feelings
people are starving in Africa
and stuff
so you know
you can't really complain
or write seven hundred insane things of the insane day
oh wait you can
you just did
oops
