CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"I don't get it," said Taylor Swift. "I'm dressed as Riker, you're dressed as Picard."
"Realistic, if anything!" sad Russell Brand. He really did look exactly like Captain Picard. Scarily so.
"You said they were sexy disguises!" said Taylor.
"They are!" said Russell. "I dressed up as Picard and have my partner dress as Riker during sex all the time. What, you never do that?"
"No," said Taylor. "But...yeah. It is kind of sexy." She stroked her Riker beard. They went inside her spaceship.
"I'll me me old moonbase," sighed Russell. "Somehow I've got a feeling I'll never see it again."
"You may yet, Russell," said Taylor. "You may yet." She started to put the command helmet on.
"Oy, what are you doing?" asked Russell.
"Flying the ship," said Taylor.
"I'm Picard, I'm in command, Number One!" said Brand. "Give me the 'elmet!" Tayor sighed and handed it to him.
"Do you even know how to use it?" she asked.
"Err...no," he said.
"You just think about where you want to go," said Taylor. She saw Russell concentrating really hard but nothing happened.
"Make it so!" Russell said at last. The ship took off and flew to Earth.
"I hope that cloaking device your gay alien friend installed works!" said Taylor. The gay alien had installed a cloaking device on her ship after Russell had promised him a blowjob. Taylor couldn't get the sight of the alien's orgasm face out of her mind. She doubt she'd ever be able to have sex again.
The cloaking device seemed to work as they managed to land outside Taylor's house with no problems. They got out and went inside. Olivia Benson was sitting on her cushion. She looked surprised to see Captain Picard and Commander Riker.
"Miaow?" asked Olivia.
"It's me, Olivia!" said Taylor. "I'm so sorry I left you here alone!" She ran over and gave Olivia Benson a big cuddle.
"Oh, she wasn't alone," came a voice. CALVIN HARRIES stepped out of the shadows.
"Shit, it's the competition!" said Russell Brand.
"I know it's you, Taylor, I recognise your voice under that Riker disguise," said Harris. "And you sound like...Russell Brand?"
"Ballbags!" said Russell.
"Yes, it's me," said Taylor. "What are you doing here? We broke up, remember?"
"I remember," said Calvin Harris. "I REMEMBER IT WELL. You broke up with me just because I turned out to be secretly gay and using you as a beard. But you were secretly bi and using me as HALF a beard. So who's the real villain here, Taylor Swift? WHO?"
"...I'll just be taking my cat and leaving," said Taylor. She started to walk out with Russell and Olivia Benson.
"Sure," said Calvin Harris. "It's not like I'm...SECRETLY A SHAPESHIFTING ALIEN BOUNTY HUNTER!" He shapeshifed into the form of an alien and started shooting deathrays out of his finger. Taylor and Russell ran off into the night.
"Deathrays, that's some serious shit, mate!" said Russell.
"I think I have a way to stop him," said Taylor. "We just need a mirror!" She ran into the local mirror shop.
"Hello, Riker!" said the mirror saleswoman. Taylor grabbed a mirror. She span round just in time to use the mirror to deflect a deathray blast and kill the bounty hunter."
"Make it so!" said Russell Brand.
"Just like in the Star Trek!" said the mirror saleswoman.
"Realistic, if anything!" sad Russell Brand. He really did look exactly like Captain Picard. Scarily so.
"You said they were sexy disguises!" said Taylor.
"They are!" said Russell. "I dressed up as Picard and have my partner dress as Riker during sex all the time. What, you never do that?"
"No," said Taylor. "But...yeah. It is kind of sexy." She stroked her Riker beard. They went inside her spaceship.
"I'll me me old moonbase," sighed Russell. "Somehow I've got a feeling I'll never see it again."
"You may yet, Russell," said Taylor. "You may yet." She started to put the command helmet on.
"Oy, what are you doing?" asked Russell.
"Flying the ship," said Taylor.
"I'm Picard, I'm in command, Number One!" said Brand. "Give me the 'elmet!" Tayor sighed and handed it to him.
"Do you even know how to use it?" she asked.
"Err...no," he said.
"You just think about where you want to go," said Taylor. She saw Russell concentrating really hard but nothing happened.
"Make it so!" Russell said at last. The ship took off and flew to Earth.
"I hope that cloaking device your gay alien friend installed works!" said Taylor. The gay alien had installed a cloaking device on her ship after Russell had promised him a blowjob. Taylor couldn't get the sight of the alien's orgasm face out of her mind. She doubt she'd ever be able to have sex again.
The cloaking device seemed to work as they managed to land outside Taylor's house with no problems. They got out and went inside. Olivia Benson was sitting on her cushion. She looked surprised to see Captain Picard and Commander Riker.
"Miaow?" asked Olivia.
"It's me, Olivia!" said Taylor. "I'm so sorry I left you here alone!" She ran over and gave Olivia Benson a big cuddle.
"Oh, she wasn't alone," came a voice. CALVIN HARRIES stepped out of the shadows.
"Shit, it's the competition!" said Russell Brand.
"I know it's you, Taylor, I recognise your voice under that Riker disguise," said Harris. "And you sound like...Russell Brand?"
"Ballbags!" said Russell.
"Yes, it's me," said Taylor. "What are you doing here? We broke up, remember?"
"I remember," said Calvin Harris. "I REMEMBER IT WELL. You broke up with me just because I turned out to be secretly gay and using you as a beard. But you were secretly bi and using me as HALF a beard. So who's the real villain here, Taylor Swift? WHO?"
"...I'll just be taking my cat and leaving," said Taylor. She started to walk out with Russell and Olivia Benson.
"Sure," said Calvin Harris. "It's not like I'm...SECRETLY A SHAPESHIFTING ALIEN BOUNTY HUNTER!" He shapeshifed into the form of an alien and started shooting deathrays out of his finger. Taylor and Russell ran off into the night.
"Deathrays, that's some serious shit, mate!" said Russell.
"I think I have a way to stop him," said Taylor. "We just need a mirror!" She ran into the local mirror shop.
"Hello, Riker!" said the mirror saleswoman. Taylor grabbed a mirror. She span round just in time to use the mirror to deflect a deathray blast and kill the bounty hunter."
"Make it so!" said Russell Brand.
"Just like in the Star Trek!" said the mirror saleswoman.