CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Had it ever been real? It had felt like a dream all along, he realised now. Even when he'd thought it was real it had been just that, thinking. Telling himself a story to make it real. That's all your brain is. The story-teller. With nothing left, no story left to believe in, he could see through the lie. The lie that was life.
He laughed like a maniac. There was no fixing this. He could not unlearned what he had learned. His brain wouldn't let him believe the lie again. He'd always know now. Knowledge was power. Knowledge would bring about his distruction. Destruction? He couldn't remember how to spell words. And why was he spelling words, lying on his bed thinking anyway? It wasn't like he was typing this up on a computer.
His brain was rotting like meat. The kind of meat that rots. Rotting meat. That type ofmeat.
He couldn't even masturbate anymore.
He decided to eat himself.
He tried to get his foot in his mouth so he could start there. He was sure he'd been able to do it before. He remembered biting his big toe once. He would eat it all this time. He'd eat his whole fucking body.
He gave up on that pretty fast.
He tried really hard not to fall asleep. It was really important that he stay awake. He'd dsicovered something deep and profound and he couldn't lose it. This was the most important moment in his life. He couldn't let it pass. He couldn't let it fade away like so many other moments. Couldn't let it become a lie.
What if he died in his sleep? He'd never even know. So what was the point of not dying in his sleep? He might as well just die in his sleep.
He was only alive because he hadn't died yet. There was nothing significant about every morning when he woke up alive. It meant nothing. It was a lie.
He saw a vision of a squd in his head. It was strange. He hadn't even been thinking about squid. But there was it was, so real. So...large. A giant squid. It scared him. He was shocked. He hadn't felt scared of anything for months. Why would he be scared of a giant, ageless, immortal squid?
He could feel its tentacles reaching for him. He could feel it reaching for him with his mind. He want the squid gone from his head, yet he could not look away. Could not stop thinking about it. He was drawn to the squid. Drawn to its power, drawn to the terror he felt. He wanted the squid to consume him...
His cat jumped up on his bed and rubbed up against him. Abruptly, the squid was gone. He felt annoyed. He felt like eating his cat. But part of him also felt relieved. He knew the squid was going to eat everything he was. And, despite how he'd been feeling before, he wasn't quite ready to die yet. Not if he had any choice in the matter. He'd discovered something now. Something bigger than himself. Something bigger than the lie. Something real.
He'd discovered the squid God.
His God.
He laughed like a maniac. There was no fixing this. He could not unlearned what he had learned. His brain wouldn't let him believe the lie again. He'd always know now. Knowledge was power. Knowledge would bring about his distruction. Destruction? He couldn't remember how to spell words. And why was he spelling words, lying on his bed thinking anyway? It wasn't like he was typing this up on a computer.
His brain was rotting like meat. The kind of meat that rots. Rotting meat. That type ofmeat.
He couldn't even masturbate anymore.
He decided to eat himself.
He tried to get his foot in his mouth so he could start there. He was sure he'd been able to do it before. He remembered biting his big toe once. He would eat it all this time. He'd eat his whole fucking body.
He gave up on that pretty fast.
He tried really hard not to fall asleep. It was really important that he stay awake. He'd dsicovered something deep and profound and he couldn't lose it. This was the most important moment in his life. He couldn't let it pass. He couldn't let it fade away like so many other moments. Couldn't let it become a lie.
What if he died in his sleep? He'd never even know. So what was the point of not dying in his sleep? He might as well just die in his sleep.
He was only alive because he hadn't died yet. There was nothing significant about every morning when he woke up alive. It meant nothing. It was a lie.
He saw a vision of a squd in his head. It was strange. He hadn't even been thinking about squid. But there was it was, so real. So...large. A giant squid. It scared him. He was shocked. He hadn't felt scared of anything for months. Why would he be scared of a giant, ageless, immortal squid?
He could feel its tentacles reaching for him. He could feel it reaching for him with his mind. He want the squid gone from his head, yet he could not look away. Could not stop thinking about it. He was drawn to the squid. Drawn to its power, drawn to the terror he felt. He wanted the squid to consume him...
His cat jumped up on his bed and rubbed up against him. Abruptly, the squid was gone. He felt annoyed. He felt like eating his cat. But part of him also felt relieved. He knew the squid was going to eat everything he was. And, despite how he'd been feeling before, he wasn't quite ready to die yet. Not if he had any choice in the matter. He'd discovered something now. Something bigger than himself. Something bigger than the lie. Something real.
He'd discovered the squid God.
His God.
