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thing of the day (thing+733)

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
"I'll kill him for you," said the Professor. "I'd kill anyone for you, mistress."

"This is tedious," said Taylor. "Come inside."

"Yes, your highness," he said.

"And stop saying things like that! Your Queen commands it." She rolled her eyes at having to say this as they entered her palace.

"It's is magnificent," he said. It was insanely huge. The entrance hall was bigger than his entire house. She motioned for him to sit on the first luxurious chair they came to.

"You're new here," said Taylor. "Everyone is like this when they first see me. They can't believe that I'm real. They worship me. Some people die in my presence, Professor."

"A worthy death," he said, nodding.

"No! I don't like it at all! Imagine having those deaths on your conscienece. Imagine not being able to talk to people without them treating you like a God. It's so hard for me to have a normal conversation. In time you will adjust, you won't feel the need to be so...pathetic in my presence. But it'll always be there, the worship."

"You deserve it. You are the one true God."

"I deserve nothing."

"Then for give me, but...why live like this? Why have a palace, why rule a quarter of the world if you don't feel you deserve it?"

"Ah! Well done! You've adjusted enough already to be able to question me. That came fast. Perhaps your exposure to the Squid God gave you some small immunity to my powers..."

"He is no God, not as you are..."

"Enough now. You want to know why I do it? Why I let a billion people worship me? It's because of him, Professor. The Squid God wants to eat the world, eat the universe, consume all of reality. End it all, so he can finally die. Bring nothing but darkness to the universe forever, with no restarts. I have to stand against him. And to do that...I need an army."

"He could kill them all."

"Yes, he could. But if I do nothing, he will DEFINITELY kill them all, and everyone else. What choice do I have but to stand against him? I am strong, yes, I can hold me own in combat against his minions. But to destroy the Squid God himself...that is beneath me."

"No! I'm sure you could rip his heart out if you tried..."

"Squids have no hearts."

"I'm pretty sure that's not true. They actually have three..."

"I was being metaphorical. There is no way to physically stop him. The only way...would be to go back to before he was a God. Back to the very earliest days. And stop him then."

"To travel back so far...I don't know..."

"I'll have sex with you if you do it."

"AND SO IT SHALL BE DONE!"
 
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