CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Charles Horse was tired. Not the normal type of tired. He wasn't about to feel asleep. He was just tired in his brain. He'd thought everything it was possible to think. He couldn't think anything new ever again. He'd reached the limits of what he could achieve alone. And he'd always be alone.
He sat staring at the wall, smiling madly. It was all he could do. It was all he was good for. Stare at the wall. Why not? It was as worthy as anything else he ever did. Stare at the fucking wall. He moved his face even closed to the wall. He wished to become the wall, to fade into it. He wanted to be the wall lookng out at the world. He imagined other people living here after he disappeared into the wall. He imagined watching them living their normal lives, unaware that Charles Horse was in the wall. He watched them, young people, young normal people. Have a party. Kissing. Playing Mario Kart. Smiling, laughing. He watched them from the wall, unable to join in, unable to touch them, invisible. He watched them for an eternity. He was the wall.
He waited in the wall for the people to come back so he could stare at them.
"You're a first person," said a voice.
"What?" asked Charles Horse. He knew right away not to ask who spoke to him. They'd disappear if he did.
"This is your first life. It's very rare. Most people in the world have lived many lives before. But the population of the planet is growing, so we need some first timers. You've never even been a dead baby before. There's lots of people alive who've past lives have only lasted days, but you've never even had that. You had no experinece of life before you were Charles Horse. You were not prepared at all. Everyone else, most of them anyway, they know what it's like to be human on some instinctual level. They can't exactly remember their previous lives, but they're there deep in their souls. Like muscle memory. They remember how to be human. You don't. That's why you're so bad at it. That's why it's so hard for you. This is your first life ever. Never been a caveman. Only had this. Don't be so hard on your self. It'll be a bit eaiser in your next life. You'll have more of an idea what to do then."
"So should I kill myself?" asked Horse, but he'd scared the voice off. He could feel it slipping away. That knowledge, that special knowledge about his true nature, it was already fading. He was rushing back to being himself. He wished he could remember. It had been some comfort.
Charles Horse woke with his face leaning against the wall, drooling on it. He could feel a yucky wall taste in his mouth as he pulled his mouth away. He didn't really feel anything. His head was just a cloud. He didn't know what to do.
Wasn't there a reason for that? He seemed to remember there was.
He just couldn't remember what it was.
He wished he could think of something to masturbate over.
He sat staring at the wall, smiling madly. It was all he could do. It was all he was good for. Stare at the wall. Why not? It was as worthy as anything else he ever did. Stare at the fucking wall. He moved his face even closed to the wall. He wished to become the wall, to fade into it. He wanted to be the wall lookng out at the world. He imagined other people living here after he disappeared into the wall. He imagined watching them living their normal lives, unaware that Charles Horse was in the wall. He watched them, young people, young normal people. Have a party. Kissing. Playing Mario Kart. Smiling, laughing. He watched them from the wall, unable to join in, unable to touch them, invisible. He watched them for an eternity. He was the wall.
He waited in the wall for the people to come back so he could stare at them.
"You're a first person," said a voice.
"What?" asked Charles Horse. He knew right away not to ask who spoke to him. They'd disappear if he did.
"This is your first life. It's very rare. Most people in the world have lived many lives before. But the population of the planet is growing, so we need some first timers. You've never even been a dead baby before. There's lots of people alive who've past lives have only lasted days, but you've never even had that. You had no experinece of life before you were Charles Horse. You were not prepared at all. Everyone else, most of them anyway, they know what it's like to be human on some instinctual level. They can't exactly remember their previous lives, but they're there deep in their souls. Like muscle memory. They remember how to be human. You don't. That's why you're so bad at it. That's why it's so hard for you. This is your first life ever. Never been a caveman. Only had this. Don't be so hard on your self. It'll be a bit eaiser in your next life. You'll have more of an idea what to do then."
"So should I kill myself?" asked Horse, but he'd scared the voice off. He could feel it slipping away. That knowledge, that special knowledge about his true nature, it was already fading. He was rushing back to being himself. He wished he could remember. It had been some comfort.
Charles Horse woke with his face leaning against the wall, drooling on it. He could feel a yucky wall taste in his mouth as he pulled his mouth away. He didn't really feel anything. His head was just a cloud. He didn't know what to do.
Wasn't there a reason for that? He seemed to remember there was.
He just couldn't remember what it was.
He wished he could think of something to masturbate over.