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thing of the day (thing+739)

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
The Professor watched the holographic dispay of Taylor Swift's starfighter shooting the robot's evil starfighters out of the sky. It was strangel boring. He suddenly noticed a dark figure in the corner of the room. A chill went down his spine. He knew there was something wrong with the figure. It seemed to be stuttering, in and out of existence, as it moved closed to him. The Professor found he couldn't move away. Like something out of a dream.

"Is this a flashback?" the Professor asked. The dark man looked like he was made from oil. Squid oil?

"No, this is happening right now," said the Squid Man. It was the Squid God. Another aspect of him. Even here, in Taylor Swift's palace.

"How did you get in here?"

"I was always here."

"The door..."

"Yes. I put it there. My room. A place inside Taylor's house."

"But she wouldn't let you out..."

"Do you think she had a choice? Do you think any of you have any choice in any of this? This is not the first run of reality. It's not even the billionth. Everything has gone exactly as I have designed it."

"You let her have your power traped in a room..."

"Because I knew you would come. And I could get back in your mind. I've always known it, since the beginning of this universe. It is my design. Part of me waited in there for you. To talk to you now."

"You just want me for my time travel."

"I want you to let this reality collapse."

"What?"

"I don't want you inventing time travel here. It is not my design. I want you to let the world die. Only you have the power to bring darkness. But I'll be with you. I'll carry your mind into the next big bang. You will remember it all and you will serve me there. You will have everything you've dreamed of and you will invent time trave and you will help me kill the next versioin of Taylor Swift and the robot and all my other enemies. And then I will move onto the next stage, where I make that reality permanent. No more big bangs. Me, forever, ruling the universe, all my enemies defeated."

"I don't even doubt you believe all this. But why would I?"

"Because you are lonely."

"I'm what."

"How many years have you been without your wife now?"

"I...I don't even remember."

"Do you feel anything anymore?"

"Not really, no. I'm all hollowed out inside my head."

"You feel nothing because humans aren't meant to be alone. You have been alone longer than most. You could have her back, or someone else. A better wife."

"Never..."

"You remember what you saw in the room, don't you? What I showed you?"

"The girl in school...I don't know if I even remember her..."

"She was just a girl you looked at once. A pretty girl. A nice girl. You looked at her and though of possibilities. Imagined her being your girlfriend. Imagined a whole life with her. You were sixteen, had never had a girlfriend. You had never even had a conversation with a girl. You imagined it all in an instant then it disappeared when she looked at you with annoyance because you were staring at her. You felt such shame. You tried to put it out of your mind completely, it hurt so much. But years later, when you were a professor, you looked at a girl in your class and for some reason it reminded you of looking at that girl when you were sixteen. You thought briefly of the missed opportunities. Of how things weren't quite right with your wfie. Of how you should have been different when you were a teenager. Your formative years and you wasted them. You should have been bolder. Should have formed a personality faster. Something. Sure you were already working on time travel, but what's a world changing inventioin going to do to cure who you are?"

"This is all...I mean...yeah. I do remember it now..."

"In the next reality, you can be whatever you want to be. You can ask that girl out in school, or a more attractive one. You can be a full person at last, not just a professor."

"And all it will cost me is Taylor Swift's life?"

"Yes, I will kill her quite brutally. I'll have to give her her powers first, then travel back in time and kill her right away. That's just how it works, don't ask me to explain the equations. It will be crueller for her, to be a God for mere moments before I slaughter her for the final time. But she has done great evil in her life too, never forget that."

"You are worse."

"But I'm the one offering you everything you could ever want."

"I'm tired..."

"And your tired body can rest now. All I need is you soul."

"One question...what was the meaning behind the talking frog?"

"...what talking frog?"
 
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