CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
sot he start the sis the start it's jst random word or something set the mood i guessnot really just ranodm there is no moood have no mood except shaking with anxiety constantly that's a big mood
so the start is me
but
then there's charles horse
so i have to leave a big line so youknow
a dividing line
so you know that everything below the line is charles horse
not me
and anything said is being said by charles horse
not me
and any story after the line is being written by charles horse
a subcreation
a horsecreation
okay
it's all on the horse
__________________________________________________________________________________
Charles Horse remembers. His brain can still remember sometimes, on a good day.
He remembered the time ten years ago when he talked to an old friend from childhood.
Wait, no. It had been ten years ago two years ago. He remembered having a meltdown on the tenth anniversary. Two years had gone by. It didn't feel like it, but he also didn't feel like the same person anymore. He didn't feel like a person anymore. How had he still been able to meltdown ten years ago?
So, twelve years ago. He definitely could have melted down then. He still had hope. Hope often would result in meltdown. But he was also scared of every other human being on the planet back then. So when he'd seen his friend, he'd tried to avoid him. His old friend. They hadn't spoke in so long, not since school. Not even the end of school. They'd lost contact before school had been over. There was nothing between them. Maybe he wouldn't even recognise Charles Horse, Charles Horse had thought twelve years ago.
"Charles!" he'd said right away, as he'd walked towards him. Charles had been trying to pretend he hadn't seen him. There was no point anymore.
"Hi...hi," Charles had said. He'd wondered how much his speech had regressed since they'd last spoken. The friend hadn't seemed to notice yet though.
"It's funny, I was just thinking about the old house," he'd said. "My mum's selling it. You spent a lot of time there."
"We were Nintendo friends," Charles had said.
"Yeah! On the N64."
"Well, mostly the Super Nintendo." Charles thought they'd already drifted apart by the N64 years.
"Yeah, I loved it. Got a PSwhatever now." Charles didn't remember what the number had been twelve years ago.
"Did you ever get all 96 exits in Super Mario World?"
"Umm...was that a thing? 96...exits?"
"We used to talk about it all the time! You struggled, I think. I got them all..."
"I don't remember. I liked Street Fighter. We played that a lot!"
"Yeah," said Charles twelve years ago. They'd only played Street Fighter together twice. He remembered both times. How could the friend not even remember the 96 exits? "I remember when you got the SNES. I remember your mum would only let you have one friend in to play with you. You picked me. We played Mario World for hours. Great times."
"Yeah, things were great back then," friend had said, then looked around a bit. He clearly didn't remember.
"It was the best day of my childhood," Charles had said. He wasn't even sure if it had been or not, it had just come out of his mouth.
"That's...that's cool," the friend had said. "We played a lot of games." He obviously didn't know what to say. And Charles felt himself go red as he realised that it hadn't been special to the friend. That it had just been playing video games. Fun, yes, but he couldn't remember details like the day he got his SNES. Couldn't remember that first day of Super Mario World. Charles felt so embarrassed.
"I have to go," he had said.
"Good seeing you again!"
"Bye."
Charles laughed as he remembered the last time he'd remembered this. The meltdown of two years ago, the memory of the memoryof the embarrassment of ten years ago. He'd realised, two years ago, that he'd not even had a normal childhood. That he'd cared about things too much. That he'd obsessed about things like video games, like secret exists in Mario World, while his friends had been moving on and going out with girls and stuff. That he'd never be able to go back and be normal. He'd wanted it so badly. To be normal. To talk to a girl, as a teenager. To fucking do something. Anything. He'd never really done anything.
And even now, two years later, Charles realised it could still hurt.
Charles Horse tried to forget.
_____________________________________________________
that was sad wasn't it
so the start is me
but
then there's charles horse
so i have to leave a big line so youknow
a dividing line
so you know that everything below the line is charles horse
not me
and anything said is being said by charles horse
not me
and any story after the line is being written by charles horse
a subcreation
a horsecreation
okay
it's all on the horse
__________________________________________________________________________________
Charles Horse remembers. His brain can still remember sometimes, on a good day.
He remembered the time ten years ago when he talked to an old friend from childhood.
Wait, no. It had been ten years ago two years ago. He remembered having a meltdown on the tenth anniversary. Two years had gone by. It didn't feel like it, but he also didn't feel like the same person anymore. He didn't feel like a person anymore. How had he still been able to meltdown ten years ago?
So, twelve years ago. He definitely could have melted down then. He still had hope. Hope often would result in meltdown. But he was also scared of every other human being on the planet back then. So when he'd seen his friend, he'd tried to avoid him. His old friend. They hadn't spoke in so long, not since school. Not even the end of school. They'd lost contact before school had been over. There was nothing between them. Maybe he wouldn't even recognise Charles Horse, Charles Horse had thought twelve years ago.
"Charles!" he'd said right away, as he'd walked towards him. Charles had been trying to pretend he hadn't seen him. There was no point anymore.
"Hi...hi," Charles had said. He'd wondered how much his speech had regressed since they'd last spoken. The friend hadn't seemed to notice yet though.
"It's funny, I was just thinking about the old house," he'd said. "My mum's selling it. You spent a lot of time there."
"We were Nintendo friends," Charles had said.
"Yeah! On the N64."
"Well, mostly the Super Nintendo." Charles thought they'd already drifted apart by the N64 years.
"Yeah, I loved it. Got a PSwhatever now." Charles didn't remember what the number had been twelve years ago.
"Did you ever get all 96 exits in Super Mario World?"
"Umm...was that a thing? 96...exits?"
"We used to talk about it all the time! You struggled, I think. I got them all..."
"I don't remember. I liked Street Fighter. We played that a lot!"
"Yeah," said Charles twelve years ago. They'd only played Street Fighter together twice. He remembered both times. How could the friend not even remember the 96 exits? "I remember when you got the SNES. I remember your mum would only let you have one friend in to play with you. You picked me. We played Mario World for hours. Great times."
"Yeah, things were great back then," friend had said, then looked around a bit. He clearly didn't remember.
"It was the best day of my childhood," Charles had said. He wasn't even sure if it had been or not, it had just come out of his mouth.
"That's...that's cool," the friend had said. "We played a lot of games." He obviously didn't know what to say. And Charles felt himself go red as he realised that it hadn't been special to the friend. That it had just been playing video games. Fun, yes, but he couldn't remember details like the day he got his SNES. Couldn't remember that first day of Super Mario World. Charles felt so embarrassed.
"I have to go," he had said.
"Good seeing you again!"
"Bye."
Charles laughed as he remembered the last time he'd remembered this. The meltdown of two years ago, the memory of the memoryof the embarrassment of ten years ago. He'd realised, two years ago, that he'd not even had a normal childhood. That he'd cared about things too much. That he'd obsessed about things like video games, like secret exists in Mario World, while his friends had been moving on and going out with girls and stuff. That he'd never be able to go back and be normal. He'd wanted it so badly. To be normal. To talk to a girl, as a teenager. To fucking do something. Anything. He'd never really done anything.
And even now, two years later, Charles realised it could still hurt.
Charles Horse tried to forget.
_____________________________________________________
that was sad wasn't it