CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Kermit and Robin are swimming through the swamp as fast as they can. Kermit keeps looking back. The darkness isn't a physical presence, exactly, but it is oppressive and it seems to be getting closer. There is no more swamp behind them.)
Kermit: What is this, Robin?
Robin: I thought you knew everything, uncy Kermit! The darkness is erasing the swamp.
Kermit: I thought I was coming home.
Robin: You can't, uncy Kermit. We have to move on.
Kermit: Stop calling me "uncy" then.
(There seems to be no more swamp in front of them, just as it is disappearing behind them.)
Robin: We have to go through...Kermit.
Kermit: Through what...oh no. Not there. Anywhere but there.
(There is a chainlink fence in front of them. Old, rusty, disgusting. There is a gap in it big enough for the frogs.)
Robin: Come on, there isn't much time.
Kermit: I was never the same after I left the swamp. After I went...there.
Robin: It's all that's left, come on!
(Kermit looks back and sees there is now almost nothing of the swamp left but some stagnant water. Robin climbs through the fence. Kermit sighs and follows. They were in a dark alleyway in a human city now.)
Robin: It smells so bad. How did you ever live here?
Kermit: I wanted to be a star. Thought I had to come here. I don't know if it was worth it. The big city...
(A prostitute walks over and starts thrusting her crotch towards the frogs.)
Prostitute: Hey, froggies! Want to do it with a human woman? I'm hardcore, I'll take both your frog cocks at once. Come on!
(Robin starts to wander towards her. Kermit grabs him and pulls him away.)
Kermit: Don't. Just don't.
(They make their way further into the city. A city man appraoches them.)
Shady Man: Hey, want to buy some wooden crisps, you green guys? They'll get you BASED.
Robin: Sounds like fun!
Kermit: NO. Drug use never ends well. You'll feel good for a while, but ultimately you'll be left with nothing.
Robin: Sounds like a metaphor for life.
Kermit: And stop trying to be philisophical! It's dumb!
Shady Man: Hey, didn't I used to deal coke to you and a bear? He was always saying "woka woka, snort-a-cocaine-a!" Annoying guy, but great tipper.
Kermit: No that was someone else. Come on, Robin.
(He drags Robin away. They pass a hot dog stand.)
Robin: Can I at least get a hot dog?
Kermit: Do you know what they put in those things? Dead babies!
Robin: Human babies?
Kermit: Yeah.
Robin: You're friend with a pig. What if they put pig babies in them? Would that be fine?
Kermit: Stop sassing off, you little shit.
(Kermit backhand slaps Robin across the face. Robin starts to cry. Kermit look guilty.)
Kermit: Oh gosh, I'm sorry, Robin. It's this place! It's poison! It's the opposite of the swamp.
Robin: You can't blame the place, Kermit. You're still the same on the inside.
Kermit: Come on, let's try to find the others. I can't remember why I even came back to the swamp. I've got variety shows to produce! I hope Gonzo hasn't taken charge while I've been gone. He just has sex with chickens on the stage every night. Again and again. Then eats the chickens.
(They try to cross the road and a car nearly hits them.)
Kermit: Hey, I'm walkin' here!
Robin: You really have changed. Or maybe you were always like this, on the inside. Maybe you just didn't have a reason to show it in the swamp.
Kermit: You want some again? Do you, punk? You want me to beat your scrawny little ass like your dead mom should have done? Bitch?
Robin: I hate you! I HATE YOU!
(Robin runs away from Kermit, right onto the road.)
Kermit: Robin, no!
(Robin is squished by a car. Kermit just stares in disbelief. He can't even bring himself to cry. Instead he laughs.)
Kermit: Hahahaha...I remember. I remember now. Death. Again. So much death. It's a dream. It's a dream. It's all a fucking dream.
(The darkness has entered the city now. It is progressing slower than in the swamp, but it is coming for Kermit.)
Kermit: Take me. I don't know who I am anymore. If I ever wake up I won't even know it. Just kill me. End this. It's too much effort.
(The darkness is all around Kermit it is in Kermit there is no Kermit.)
Kermit(voiceover): I didn't even use the machine. So how am I here?
(Kermit is on a land of clouds. It is peaceful. A man is there. He is Rector.)
Kermit: Rector? What...where am I?
Rector: You're dead, Kermit. I'm God. Doesn't that beat all?
TO BE MUPPETINUED
Kermit: What is this, Robin?
Robin: I thought you knew everything, uncy Kermit! The darkness is erasing the swamp.
Kermit: I thought I was coming home.
Robin: You can't, uncy Kermit. We have to move on.
Kermit: Stop calling me "uncy" then.
(There seems to be no more swamp in front of them, just as it is disappearing behind them.)
Robin: We have to go through...Kermit.
Kermit: Through what...oh no. Not there. Anywhere but there.
(There is a chainlink fence in front of them. Old, rusty, disgusting. There is a gap in it big enough for the frogs.)
Robin: Come on, there isn't much time.
Kermit: I was never the same after I left the swamp. After I went...there.
Robin: It's all that's left, come on!
(Kermit looks back and sees there is now almost nothing of the swamp left but some stagnant water. Robin climbs through the fence. Kermit sighs and follows. They were in a dark alleyway in a human city now.)
Robin: It smells so bad. How did you ever live here?
Kermit: I wanted to be a star. Thought I had to come here. I don't know if it was worth it. The big city...
(A prostitute walks over and starts thrusting her crotch towards the frogs.)
Prostitute: Hey, froggies! Want to do it with a human woman? I'm hardcore, I'll take both your frog cocks at once. Come on!
(Robin starts to wander towards her. Kermit grabs him and pulls him away.)
Kermit: Don't. Just don't.
(They make their way further into the city. A city man appraoches them.)
Shady Man: Hey, want to buy some wooden crisps, you green guys? They'll get you BASED.
Robin: Sounds like fun!
Kermit: NO. Drug use never ends well. You'll feel good for a while, but ultimately you'll be left with nothing.
Robin: Sounds like a metaphor for life.
Kermit: And stop trying to be philisophical! It's dumb!
Shady Man: Hey, didn't I used to deal coke to you and a bear? He was always saying "woka woka, snort-a-cocaine-a!" Annoying guy, but great tipper.
Kermit: No that was someone else. Come on, Robin.
(He drags Robin away. They pass a hot dog stand.)
Robin: Can I at least get a hot dog?
Kermit: Do you know what they put in those things? Dead babies!
Robin: Human babies?
Kermit: Yeah.
Robin: You're friend with a pig. What if they put pig babies in them? Would that be fine?
Kermit: Stop sassing off, you little shit.
(Kermit backhand slaps Robin across the face. Robin starts to cry. Kermit look guilty.)
Kermit: Oh gosh, I'm sorry, Robin. It's this place! It's poison! It's the opposite of the swamp.
Robin: You can't blame the place, Kermit. You're still the same on the inside.
Kermit: Come on, let's try to find the others. I can't remember why I even came back to the swamp. I've got variety shows to produce! I hope Gonzo hasn't taken charge while I've been gone. He just has sex with chickens on the stage every night. Again and again. Then eats the chickens.
(They try to cross the road and a car nearly hits them.)
Kermit: Hey, I'm walkin' here!
Robin: You really have changed. Or maybe you were always like this, on the inside. Maybe you just didn't have a reason to show it in the swamp.
Kermit: You want some again? Do you, punk? You want me to beat your scrawny little ass like your dead mom should have done? Bitch?
Robin: I hate you! I HATE YOU!
(Robin runs away from Kermit, right onto the road.)
Kermit: Robin, no!
(Robin is squished by a car. Kermit just stares in disbelief. He can't even bring himself to cry. Instead he laughs.)
Kermit: Hahahaha...I remember. I remember now. Death. Again. So much death. It's a dream. It's a dream. It's all a fucking dream.
(The darkness has entered the city now. It is progressing slower than in the swamp, but it is coming for Kermit.)
Kermit: Take me. I don't know who I am anymore. If I ever wake up I won't even know it. Just kill me. End this. It's too much effort.
(The darkness is all around Kermit it is in Kermit there is no Kermit.)
Kermit(voiceover): I didn't even use the machine. So how am I here?
(Kermit is on a land of clouds. It is peaceful. A man is there. He is Rector.)
Kermit: Rector? What...where am I?
Rector: You're dead, Kermit. I'm God. Doesn't that beat all?
TO BE MUPPETINUED