CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
we are all alone
even in our own minds
because what are we? the we who is aware is what I think of as the "we".
I am not my feet. I am not my pectus excavatum. But that's not all I'm not.
awarenes. moment to moment. That's what makes us human. because we're aware of it. The feeback loop. I think therefore I am. Great. But then there's other parts of my mind.
I have such weird dreams but Im' not the one making them happen. how can i fucking be. Why would i make that dog appear. I'm the dreamer, not the dream. I am the one aware of the dream.
there is so much in my brain that isn't me
but there is a me. that is real. even if it's an accident of evolution. the awarness is there. that is how i know. i am aware.
aware in a sea of dreams.
So if we are so alone even in our own heads then what chance do we have of connecting with another person?
Maybe you feel togetherness with another person. You probably do, you're not me. I'll never have another person so I can't truly know what it's like. I remember having a cat, that was nice. I'm not trying to downplay your experience of having a normal adult relationship. I'm insanely jealous but not bitter. Well, not at you. Anyway. As I was saying. People can fall in love, I'm not saying that isn't real. That's great, and everything.
You're still alone.
You're still trapped inside your skull. You're still just a sense of awarness conjoured up by whatever stimuli you're currently experiencing. So really, how can you be anything but alone? There's no telepathy. Maybe you feel physical closenss sometimes (like me with my cat!) But what is that. You can't ever truly know another person. You can't know how they're peceiving the universe. You search for some shared understanding and maybe you think you feel it but you're still alone. DON'T YOU GET IT. Sorry.. But you are.
You are alone.
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do Americans say "on accident" instead of "by accident"? That would be annoying.
___________________________________________
Charles Horse live in a constant cycle between anxiety and depression. He wasn't sure which one was worse. Probably the one he was currently experiencing at any time. When the anxiety went away, he'd be exhausted. It really wears Charles Horse out, the anxiety. Tensing every muscle in your body at once is hard! So when they finally relax, all Charles Horse wants to do is sleep. You'd think he'd feel better. You think he'd be happy. But you don't know Charles Horse (how could you? You're not him.) Whent he anxiety is gone, sometimes it feel like there's nothing. No energy, no interest. Just sleep. Sometimes when he wakes up the first thing Charles Horse thinks about is how long it is before he gets to go back to sleep. It's not normal, of course. It's not meant to be this way. Charles Horse is supposed to care about things. He did, at one time, but because of how he is he couldn't quite care about them in a normal way. He cared too much, he worried that he wasn't really feeling the right way about things. It did not naturally come to him. So the caring became worrying about caring. The things he liked became things to be anxious about. Then all there was was the anxetiy. And again with it gone you'd think he'd go back to being able to enjoy things normally. But nah. Not Charles Horse. Caring about things would just lead to anxiety and physical pain. He can't allow that. But when you don't care about anything, what do you have? Nothing but the tiredness. Maybe he never really liked anything, not even the female celebrities. Maybe that's why he expressed his "liking" of them in such an unusual way. An alien, struggling to appear human. Charles Horse. THat's who I'm talking about here.
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I do visually appreciate some Transformers.
Is that something...
__________________________________________________
imagine if when you die a billion billion years in the future some aliens or super evolved humans or whatever reconstruct your consciousness at the moment of death and they ask you how you feel and you say "I don't know" and they're waiting for you to be impressed but you feel dumb that you didn't just say you were impressed right away so you don't say anything for far too long and you can see the aliens are disappointed and wondering why they brought you back and finally you say "I'm impressed thanks for bringing me back!" and the aliens kind of half-heartedely nod but you know you've already blown your second chance at life
then they ask you what you like and you pause again and your reconstructed computer simulation robot body hologram whatever face is going red and you say "the way some transformers look and feel when I'm transforming them, I guess" and the aliens look at each other and you know somehow that they're telepathically sighing at each other and they give you a big bucket of transformers and just leave you alone
in an infinite universe of infinite size and length this isn't just possible it's one hundred percent certain to happen
so when you are die make sure your last thought is "remember to impress the aliens"
________________________________________________________
mabe if you cut your skull open and the skull of your life partner open and mush your two brains together at the opening at the top you'll be able to share thoughts
couldn't hurt
even in our own minds
because what are we? the we who is aware is what I think of as the "we".
I am not my feet. I am not my pectus excavatum. But that's not all I'm not.
awarenes. moment to moment. That's what makes us human. because we're aware of it. The feeback loop. I think therefore I am. Great. But then there's other parts of my mind.
I have such weird dreams but Im' not the one making them happen. how can i fucking be. Why would i make that dog appear. I'm the dreamer, not the dream. I am the one aware of the dream.
there is so much in my brain that isn't me
but there is a me. that is real. even if it's an accident of evolution. the awarness is there. that is how i know. i am aware.
aware in a sea of dreams.
So if we are so alone even in our own heads then what chance do we have of connecting with another person?
Maybe you feel togetherness with another person. You probably do, you're not me. I'll never have another person so I can't truly know what it's like. I remember having a cat, that was nice. I'm not trying to downplay your experience of having a normal adult relationship. I'm insanely jealous but not bitter. Well, not at you. Anyway. As I was saying. People can fall in love, I'm not saying that isn't real. That's great, and everything.
You're still alone.
You're still trapped inside your skull. You're still just a sense of awarness conjoured up by whatever stimuli you're currently experiencing. So really, how can you be anything but alone? There's no telepathy. Maybe you feel physical closenss sometimes (like me with my cat!) But what is that. You can't ever truly know another person. You can't know how they're peceiving the universe. You search for some shared understanding and maybe you think you feel it but you're still alone. DON'T YOU GET IT. Sorry.. But you are.
You are alone.
________________________________________
do Americans say "on accident" instead of "by accident"? That would be annoying.
___________________________________________
Charles Horse live in a constant cycle between anxiety and depression. He wasn't sure which one was worse. Probably the one he was currently experiencing at any time. When the anxiety went away, he'd be exhausted. It really wears Charles Horse out, the anxiety. Tensing every muscle in your body at once is hard! So when they finally relax, all Charles Horse wants to do is sleep. You'd think he'd feel better. You think he'd be happy. But you don't know Charles Horse (how could you? You're not him.) Whent he anxiety is gone, sometimes it feel like there's nothing. No energy, no interest. Just sleep. Sometimes when he wakes up the first thing Charles Horse thinks about is how long it is before he gets to go back to sleep. It's not normal, of course. It's not meant to be this way. Charles Horse is supposed to care about things. He did, at one time, but because of how he is he couldn't quite care about them in a normal way. He cared too much, he worried that he wasn't really feeling the right way about things. It did not naturally come to him. So the caring became worrying about caring. The things he liked became things to be anxious about. Then all there was was the anxetiy. And again with it gone you'd think he'd go back to being able to enjoy things normally. But nah. Not Charles Horse. Caring about things would just lead to anxiety and physical pain. He can't allow that. But when you don't care about anything, what do you have? Nothing but the tiredness. Maybe he never really liked anything, not even the female celebrities. Maybe that's why he expressed his "liking" of them in such an unusual way. An alien, struggling to appear human. Charles Horse. THat's who I'm talking about here.
________________________________________________
whatever
whatever
whatever
whatever
whatever
whatever
whatever
whatever
whavetr
whatever
whwatever
wahstver
whatever
whwatever
whatever
whatever
whateverf
whatver
whatever
whwatver
whawtever
whwatever
whawtehae
whatevend
whatvnet
whagtshflwe
whatedst
wwheastn
whthdalntdg
wheaelng
t
whabt
ever
hewnat
ehwwndaa
whatelverhw
whawteverw
whaaaaaaaaahetver
whattttevner
whagdnver
enverwtaver
whatever
whatever
______________________________________________
I do visually appreciate some Transformers.
Is that something...
__________________________________________________
imagine if when you die a billion billion years in the future some aliens or super evolved humans or whatever reconstruct your consciousness at the moment of death and they ask you how you feel and you say "I don't know" and they're waiting for you to be impressed but you feel dumb that you didn't just say you were impressed right away so you don't say anything for far too long and you can see the aliens are disappointed and wondering why they brought you back and finally you say "I'm impressed thanks for bringing me back!" and the aliens kind of half-heartedely nod but you know you've already blown your second chance at life
then they ask you what you like and you pause again and your reconstructed computer simulation robot body hologram whatever face is going red and you say "the way some transformers look and feel when I'm transforming them, I guess" and the aliens look at each other and you know somehow that they're telepathically sighing at each other and they give you a big bucket of transformers and just leave you alone
in an infinite universe of infinite size and length this isn't just possible it's one hundred percent certain to happen
so when you are die make sure your last thought is "remember to impress the aliens"
________________________________________________________
mabe if you cut your skull open and the skull of your life partner open and mush your two brains together at the opening at the top you'll be able to share thoughts
couldn't hurt