CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
They ran and ran and ran from the shit eating eagles, deeper and deeper into the forest. Still the eagles came, swooping under the trees attracted to the shit on Susie's hands, wanting it, not caring who they had to go through to get it. At one point, Susie tripped over a tree root and the eagles descended on her, but Berty jumped in the way. They tried to tear him to peices to get to Susie. He roundhouse kicked the fuck out of several of them. They ran again, deeper and deeper, until they could barely move. Finally they lost the eagles, but they could see shadows of some other secret threat moving behind every tree, so they kept running. Eventually they fell together, down a slope, they rollled, holding each other until they landing on the dirty ground. Susie landed on top. She looked into Berty's eyes. She wanted to kiss the brave man who had saved her from the shit-eating eagles. But she noticed something in his eyes. She noticed tears.
"What's wrong?" she asked, gently. "We got away from the eagles and whatever else was following us."
"It's nothing, it's nothing," said Berty, trying to stop himself.
"Berty..."
"It's everything, it's everything!" he said, letting it all out. She moved off of him, letting him sit up against a tree.
"It's been hard..."
"It's been Hell! HELL!"
"Berty, that's not like you!"
"How do you know! You don't know me, I don't know you...I don't know myself! Everything is wrong, Susie. The world...the world is wrong! AND IT HURTS! It hurts my...my body! It hurts me! The me I was...the me I thought I was...the me I wanted to be...it's alll gone, Susie. I don't know...I made a me, in my head. A me who would enter the big wide world! But I found that the world wasn't suited for that me, but it was all I knew how to be. I thought the Wise Woman, HA, I thought she could help. I was a fool, a naive fool, wondering around all optimistic and smiley, ignoring the FACTS, Susie, the FACTS of how the world is! Until I came here. I thought I was going to have an adventure, a rip-roaring life-afirming adventure! I thought the journey to the Wise Woman would be the making of me, more than anything she could tell me! And what did I find on that journey?
An Emo Army! Kids with no morals, no compassion, who imprisoned me and tortured me! The robo-lion! Created by some mad scientist to kill people! TO KILL PEOPLE! Why would anyone do that? Why? I don't understand. It's all so alien to me...then the mothman. I just wanted to ask him directions and he tried to eat me! Killer Clown! A clown should make people laugh, not make them die! Shit-eating eagles! Eagles were always my favourite bird, so majestic...and I find out they eat shit! THEY EAT SHIT. That's life, Susie. That's what life is all about. Eating fucking shit."
They sat in silence for a long time.
"But you met me," said Susie. "Isn't that worth anything?"
"You're lovely...but no. You see, Susie, I have absolutely no sexual desire. I was born without it. You do nothing for me."
"Oh," said Susie. "I didn't expect that. But I wasn't even thinking about sex between us, I meant...well, we're friends, aren't you?" She was close to tears herself. Berty didn't answer right away, but looked at her face. She was beautiful. If only he had functioning testicles, he thought.
"Yes," he said. "You are my friend." And he meant it.
"Well, let's look at this fuck shit-stained map and find that whore Wise Woman!" said Susie and they laughed. She took out the map. "Hmm, she's not far from here at all, but the map says to look out for...living trees!?"
"Living trees? LIVINGS TREES!" Berty had just noticed a dozen trees strolling towards them. He stood up...and was grabbed by wooden arms from the tree behind him.
"What's wrong?" she asked, gently. "We got away from the eagles and whatever else was following us."
"It's nothing, it's nothing," said Berty, trying to stop himself.
"Berty..."
"It's everything, it's everything!" he said, letting it all out. She moved off of him, letting him sit up against a tree.
"It's been hard..."
"It's been Hell! HELL!"
"Berty, that's not like you!"
"How do you know! You don't know me, I don't know you...I don't know myself! Everything is wrong, Susie. The world...the world is wrong! AND IT HURTS! It hurts my...my body! It hurts me! The me I was...the me I thought I was...the me I wanted to be...it's alll gone, Susie. I don't know...I made a me, in my head. A me who would enter the big wide world! But I found that the world wasn't suited for that me, but it was all I knew how to be. I thought the Wise Woman, HA, I thought she could help. I was a fool, a naive fool, wondering around all optimistic and smiley, ignoring the FACTS, Susie, the FACTS of how the world is! Until I came here. I thought I was going to have an adventure, a rip-roaring life-afirming adventure! I thought the journey to the Wise Woman would be the making of me, more than anything she could tell me! And what did I find on that journey?
An Emo Army! Kids with no morals, no compassion, who imprisoned me and tortured me! The robo-lion! Created by some mad scientist to kill people! TO KILL PEOPLE! Why would anyone do that? Why? I don't understand. It's all so alien to me...then the mothman. I just wanted to ask him directions and he tried to eat me! Killer Clown! A clown should make people laugh, not make them die! Shit-eating eagles! Eagles were always my favourite bird, so majestic...and I find out they eat shit! THEY EAT SHIT. That's life, Susie. That's what life is all about. Eating fucking shit."
They sat in silence for a long time.
"But you met me," said Susie. "Isn't that worth anything?"
"You're lovely...but no. You see, Susie, I have absolutely no sexual desire. I was born without it. You do nothing for me."
"Oh," said Susie. "I didn't expect that. But I wasn't even thinking about sex between us, I meant...well, we're friends, aren't you?" She was close to tears herself. Berty didn't answer right away, but looked at her face. She was beautiful. If only he had functioning testicles, he thought.
"Yes," he said. "You are my friend." And he meant it.
"Well, let's look at this fuck shit-stained map and find that whore Wise Woman!" said Susie and they laughed. She took out the map. "Hmm, she's not far from here at all, but the map says to look out for...living trees!?"
"Living trees? LIVINGS TREES!" Berty had just noticed a dozen trees strolling towards them. He stood up...and was grabbed by wooden arms from the tree behind him.
