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US HOUSEMATE RANKINGS

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
1) Matt - The only one truly playing the game this season. Keeps slaughtering the cows by winning things so that his useless Brigade can keep eating steak. Plus he walks around the house in onesie boy jammies, which is cute. Nicknamed The Gremlin for his lack of height and mischievous ways. Love him.
2) Britney - One of the few besides Matt who can take things in stride, or at least own up to her weaknesses. Hilarious with her dry, caustic barbs about the other HGs. Truly has made this season entertaining.
3) Ragan - The gay one. Is a fey drama queen who cries too much. Also too sanctimonious and self-righteous. But is also hilarious in the DR and when he gets together with Brit to talk trash about Rachel & Brendon. He worships Matt, so his good taste is rewarded with a high ranking.
4) Lane - Does nothing game-wise, but is the least annoying Brigade member. Close to Britney, they are a lot of laughs together. Secretly well off oil rig salesman who probably doesn't need the money. Curious.
5) Hayden - Mop-headed Brigadier who went from homewrecking showmance with Kristen to secretly plotting house-flipper with his comedy partner Enzo. Can be funny. Young, strong, nice to look at if you don't fixate on the harelip. But ultimately a wuss.
6) Enzo - Tough talk, with nothing to back it up. Jersey Shore/Sopranos wannabee from Bayonne NJ who would have been gone week 2 without the Brigade (and Matt) protecting him. His shtick has grown stale, and he has nothing to offer. Also eats like a pig, which makes the live feeds unbearable, especially if the volume is up.
7) Brendon - Psychologically damaged man-child with a hunky swimmer's body that I can't even look at because he's such a humorless basket case. Gullible and overly earnest. Easily fell under Rachel's manipulations and acted as her goon until she was finally voted out. Almost bearable now that he's playing on his own, but not really. Talks about which people "deserve" to be in the house and win the money. I hate people who do that. (Ragan does it too, which is why he's #3 instead of #2) Has emotional issues, which means a life of hell for any other women who dates him. Ick.

Already evicted: Bi-Bi Crazy Annie, Monet the Mope, Captain Kosher Andrew, Newly Dumped Kristen, Rachel the Evil Insane Drunken Whore, and Token Older Useless Person Kathy.
 
1. Matt. Ya, he's a good player, and pretty drama free. I used to hate him because of how smug he was, but he's earned it.
2. Hayden. In an almost as good position as Matt, game wise. Surprisingly smart and devious, but the other houseguests aren't on to him.
3. Britney/Enzo/Brendon. Sure? I don't know, I'm neutral about them. I feel kind of bad for the way Brendon is being shunned by the cool kids.
6. Lane. Animal abuser, verbally abusive towards Brit, dumb meathead. Die in a fire.
7. Ragan. "Is a fey drama queen who cries too much. Also too sanctimonious and self-righteous." And doesn't shut the fuck up about how morally superior he is (when he isn't! He's exactly as much of a bully as Rachel was!) Also, fell in love with the straight guy, which is a really big no-no and really makes me ashamed for gaydom.
 
I'd put him at #4 above Lane. But most of the houseguests would end up laughing at his posh ways and making fun of him to the point where he would leave.

There's a lot of Southern accents in the cast this year...except for Enzo (Joisey) and Matt (Chicago). Fancy boys wouldn't last long with this crew.
 
I still wanna know how someone sells oil rigs!??!?!?

Are they used? Does he build them for people on spots with oil? Does he fly them out where people need them? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Though, I'd laugh my ass off if he DERP'd his way to the $500k, past Matt and Ragan. Brittney is playing the game, but, damn, do I think she's just annoying. At least Matt and Ragan are entertaining. She's just.... a stuck up little bitch. It'd be a shame if she walked with the cash.
 
1) Britney - will be evicted next week.
2) Ragan - will be evicted this week.
3) Enzo - will finish in 3rd place.
4) Lane - will make Final 2.
5) Hayden - will win Big Brother on Sep. 15.

Figures. :(
 
1. Hayden. Winner!
2-4. Brit, Lane, Enzo. Who the fuck cares.
5. Ragan. Currently curled up in a fetal position for the fifth consecutive week.
 
1 Matt to come back and shout "I'm back bitches!", evict everyone and tell the people who suffer from the imaginary disease he gave his wife to suck his tattooed dick!
2. Ragan to ride on Matt's cocktails to second place, trouncing Lane and Enzo all while giving shirtless Hayden a cleveland steamer.
3. Brittney to felch everyone
4. Remaining members of the brigade to cry while masturbating in the shower and thinking of Rachel.
5. Rachel to put her hair extensions on her strapon and fuck brendon in the butt hole.
 
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