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US version of The IT Crowd
- Thread starter Dr Dave
- Start date
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
They did, with Joel McHale as Roy and, strangely, Moss as Moss. If it didn't work even with the real Moss...
Ishcabittle
New member
Can't Americans ever just leave something good and beautiful alone? arseholes.
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
We'll be lucky if they pronounce "IT" correctly in the promos.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
All the characters will carry guns which they'll shoot into the air and shout "YEEHAW!" after a joke.
Eggs Mayonnaise
All In With The Nuts
In between jokes about sex, farting and crystal meth in which the terminology is incorrectly used.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Jen will have a haircut called "the Jen" by the press and Moss will have a monkey.
Fuddlemiff
Is this real life?
Jokes about DNS servers that no one understands but laughs at so they don't look stupid.
T-shirts with the "YEEHAW!" catchphrase on them will become the #1 "cosplay outfit" at ComicCon.
T-shirts with the "YEEHAW!" catchphrase on them will become the #1 "cosplay outfit" at ComicCon.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
The boss will be played by David Hyde Pierce and he will wear a name badge reading "yes, this is what happened to me!" Actually that's too funny...
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Roy is sitting in the IT deperatment looking bored. His iPad starts beeping. He ignores it for a while. Studio audience laugh. He eventually picks it up and makes sure to hold the Apple logo to the camera.)
Roy: Hello, IT department.
(Studio audience laughter.)
Roy: Yes...yes...yes...have you tried turning the DNS servers off and on again?
(Studio audience cheer as this catchphrase has been featured in all the promotional material. Ray turns the iPad off.)
Roy: It's a hard job!
(Studio audience cheer. Look, let's just say the studio audience laugh or cheer after every line, okay?)
(MOSS walks in. His hair is all frizzy and funny!)
Roy: Yeehaw, it's Moss! What happened to your hair? You look like a KLINGON!
Moss: It's raining, my friend!
Roy: Why didn't you take your umbrella?
Moss: GRANDMA Moss always said umbreallas are for homos!
Roy: A wise woman!
Moss: Hey, friendo, did you watch the new episode of SPACE STATION WORMHOLE on tv last night?
Roy: Yeah, but it was ruined by the scientific innaccuracies!
Moss: I know, I sure was embarrassed for the writers!
Roy: Haha, I was so angry afterwards that the only way I could cope was to FRAG some GOONS on the new CALL OF DUTY game on my XBOX ONE, or XBONE as some people call it. Available at all good stores and online retailers!
Moss: It's a great purchase!
Roy: Yeehaw!
(The both shoots GUNS up into the ceiling to transition between scenes. Moss's gun is hilariously shaped like a SPACE LASER or something.)
TO BE CONTINUED MAYBE
Roy: Hello, IT department.
(Studio audience laughter.)
Roy: Yes...yes...yes...have you tried turning the DNS servers off and on again?
(Studio audience cheer as this catchphrase has been featured in all the promotional material. Ray turns the iPad off.)
Roy: It's a hard job!
(Studio audience cheer. Look, let's just say the studio audience laugh or cheer after every line, okay?)
(MOSS walks in. His hair is all frizzy and funny!)
Roy: Yeehaw, it's Moss! What happened to your hair? You look like a KLINGON!
Moss: It's raining, my friend!
Roy: Why didn't you take your umbrella?
Moss: GRANDMA Moss always said umbreallas are for homos!
Roy: A wise woman!
Moss: Hey, friendo, did you watch the new episode of SPACE STATION WORMHOLE on tv last night?
Roy: Yeah, but it was ruined by the scientific innaccuracies!
Moss: I know, I sure was embarrassed for the writers!
Roy: Haha, I was so angry afterwards that the only way I could cope was to FRAG some GOONS on the new CALL OF DUTY game on my XBOX ONE, or XBONE as some people call it. Available at all good stores and online retailers!
Moss: It's a great purchase!
Roy: Yeehaw!
(The both shoots GUNS up into the ceiling to transition between scenes. Moss's gun is hilariously shaped like a SPACE LASER or something.)
TO BE CONTINUED MAYBE
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(BOSS is sitting at his desk watching something on his computer.)
Boss: Better delete my history after this one!
(JEN walks in. She is wearing high heels and a short skirt and a lowcut top showing her LARGE BREASTS. Her haircut is, of course, "the Jen".)
Boss: Ah, it's the woman interviewing for a job!
Jen: Hi, I'm Jen.
(She bends over as she sits down.)
Boss: What a pair of WHOPPERS!
Jen: What!
(He pulls out two Burger King Whoppers from his desk.)
Boss: Want one? I'm lovin' it!
Jen: Uhh...no thanks.
Boss: So, it says in your job application that you're an expert in IT?
Jen: Oh no! I lied! I mean...I was LYING DOWN when I wrote that!
Boss: You're so quirky. AND HOT.
Jen: What!
Boss: It's because the AIR CONDITIONING isn't working. It's supposed to cool the room!
Jen: Oh, I see.
Boss: So you're a big nerd then like anyone with even basic competency with computers.
Jen: Yes, that's right. Uhh...I love the Lord Of The Thrones! And Star Trek Wars! And playing with dolls! And I'm a virgin!
Boss: INTERESTING...I love Lord Of The Thrones too! My favourite character is Bobby Baggins! He's so cool!
Jen: Yeah...
Boss: Oh, and it says here you went to YALE. I'm a Yale man too!
Jen: Shit...
Boss: Let's sing the YALE SONG!
Jen: Uhh...
Boss: NOW.
Jen: Yale...Yale...it's so great? Yale, Yale, it won't fail...I love Yale...YAY YALE?
Boss: MY GOD...I've been singing the wrong words all these years! Oh, what did you major in?
Jen: ...cheerleading?
Boss: Great! I can't wait to force you to dress up in a cheerleader costume and openly masturbate over you!
Jen: What!
Boss: I'm rehearsing a play!
Jen: You know...you're kind of hot...
(Long lingering SEXUAL TENSION shot betwen them.)
Boss: Anyway I'm putting you in charge of IT. And then maybe my pornography will load faster!
TO BE CONTINUED I GUESS
Boss: Better delete my history after this one!
(JEN walks in. She is wearing high heels and a short skirt and a lowcut top showing her LARGE BREASTS. Her haircut is, of course, "the Jen".)
Boss: Ah, it's the woman interviewing for a job!
Jen: Hi, I'm Jen.
(She bends over as she sits down.)
Boss: What a pair of WHOPPERS!
Jen: What!
(He pulls out two Burger King Whoppers from his desk.)
Boss: Want one? I'm lovin' it!
Jen: Uhh...no thanks.
Boss: So, it says in your job application that you're an expert in IT?
Jen: Oh no! I lied! I mean...I was LYING DOWN when I wrote that!
Boss: You're so quirky. AND HOT.
Jen: What!
Boss: It's because the AIR CONDITIONING isn't working. It's supposed to cool the room!
Jen: Oh, I see.
Boss: So you're a big nerd then like anyone with even basic competency with computers.
Jen: Yes, that's right. Uhh...I love the Lord Of The Thrones! And Star Trek Wars! And playing with dolls! And I'm a virgin!
Boss: INTERESTING...I love Lord Of The Thrones too! My favourite character is Bobby Baggins! He's so cool!
Jen: Yeah...
Boss: Oh, and it says here you went to YALE. I'm a Yale man too!
Jen: Shit...
Boss: Let's sing the YALE SONG!
Jen: Uhh...
Boss: NOW.
Jen: Yale...Yale...it's so great? Yale, Yale, it won't fail...I love Yale...YAY YALE?
Boss: MY GOD...I've been singing the wrong words all these years! Oh, what did you major in?
Jen: ...cheerleading?
Boss: Great! I can't wait to force you to dress up in a cheerleader costume and openly masturbate over you!
Jen: What!
Boss: I'm rehearsing a play!
Jen: You know...you're kind of hot...
(Long lingering SEXUAL TENSION shot betwen them.)
Boss: Anyway I'm putting you in charge of IT. And then maybe my pornography will load faster!
TO BE CONTINUED I GUESS
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Jen enters the IT department with Boss. Roy and Moss are play fighting with lightsabers.)
Moss: I LOVE JAR JAR MORE.
Roy: NO, I DO.
Boss: AHEM. Nerds, I have a TASTY TREAT for you all...here, some candy!
(He hands them some candy.)
Boss: Oh and also meet your hot new head of IT, Jen the hot woman!
Roy: A...w...w...w...
Moss: w...w...w...
Boss: Give them a few minutes!
Jen: Hi, I'm Jen.
(They both stare at her open mouthed. She looks up at the ceiling, feeling awkward.)
Jen: Why are there so many bullet holes in the ceiling?
Roy: Because we have a lot to celebrate here in the IT department!
Moss: Roy, we need to talk for a minute.
Boss: Take your time! I'll just show Jen THE ROPES.
(He walks Jen over to a pile of ROPE in the corner.)
Boss: We use them for hanging people!
(Moss takes Roy to one side.)
Moss: She's a cotton-picking woman, Roy! What in tarnation! We can't work with her! What if one of us gets a boner!
Roy: What if we BOTH get boners?
Moss: Then we could sword fight without the lightsabers!
Roy: Look, we have to put up with her for now. Boss has been on our ASSES recently!
Moss: Fine, but remember the BRO CODE, okay.
Roy: Sure thing, buddy. I won't let her come between us!
Moss: And I won't cum between her!
Boss: AHEM. I have finished explaining ropes to Jen. Are you NERDS ready to get to work now?
Moss: Sure thing, boss-o!
Boss: And one more thing. If your productivity doesn't go up by 400% by the end of the week...YOU'RE ALL FIRED!
(Boss leaves. Jen looks scared.)
Jen: Uhh...hi.
Roy: So, you're a woman, eh? What do you know about computers!
Jen: Everything, okay? I know they have keyboards AND mice.
Moss: She's an expert, Roy!
Roy: Well I still don't like you and NEVER WILL. Moss, toss me a DIET PEPSI.
(Moss throws the Diet Pepsi LIKE A GIRL and it gets Roy's shirt all wet.)
Jen: How clumsy. I can't imagine I'm going to enjoy my time down here...
(Roy takes his shirt off revealing that he's TOTALLY RIPPED underneath!)
Jen: ...THEN AGAIN!
Moss: I'll go wake up Richmond.
Jen: Who's Richmond?
(A ROBOT dressed as a goth walks in.)
Richmond: RICHMOND UNIT ACTIVATED!
TO BE CONTINUED MAYBE REALLY NOT SURE NOW
Moss: I LOVE JAR JAR MORE.
Roy: NO, I DO.
Boss: AHEM. Nerds, I have a TASTY TREAT for you all...here, some candy!
(He hands them some candy.)
Boss: Oh and also meet your hot new head of IT, Jen the hot woman!
Roy: A...w...w...w...
Moss: w...w...w...
Boss: Give them a few minutes!
Jen: Hi, I'm Jen.
(They both stare at her open mouthed. She looks up at the ceiling, feeling awkward.)
Jen: Why are there so many bullet holes in the ceiling?
Roy: Because we have a lot to celebrate here in the IT department!
Moss: Roy, we need to talk for a minute.
Boss: Take your time! I'll just show Jen THE ROPES.
(He walks Jen over to a pile of ROPE in the corner.)
Boss: We use them for hanging people!
(Moss takes Roy to one side.)
Moss: She's a cotton-picking woman, Roy! What in tarnation! We can't work with her! What if one of us gets a boner!
Roy: What if we BOTH get boners?
Moss: Then we could sword fight without the lightsabers!
Roy: Look, we have to put up with her for now. Boss has been on our ASSES recently!
Moss: Fine, but remember the BRO CODE, okay.
Roy: Sure thing, buddy. I won't let her come between us!
Moss: And I won't cum between her!
Boss: AHEM. I have finished explaining ropes to Jen. Are you NERDS ready to get to work now?
Moss: Sure thing, boss-o!
Boss: And one more thing. If your productivity doesn't go up by 400% by the end of the week...YOU'RE ALL FIRED!
(Boss leaves. Jen looks scared.)
Jen: Uhh...hi.
Roy: So, you're a woman, eh? What do you know about computers!
Jen: Everything, okay? I know they have keyboards AND mice.
Moss: She's an expert, Roy!
Roy: Well I still don't like you and NEVER WILL. Moss, toss me a DIET PEPSI.
(Moss throws the Diet Pepsi LIKE A GIRL and it gets Roy's shirt all wet.)
Jen: How clumsy. I can't imagine I'm going to enjoy my time down here...
(Roy takes his shirt off revealing that he's TOTALLY RIPPED underneath!)
Jen: ...THEN AGAIN!
Moss: I'll go wake up Richmond.
Jen: Who's Richmond?
(A ROBOT dressed as a goth walks in.)
Richmond: RICHMOND UNIT ACTIVATED!
TO BE CONTINUED MAYBE REALLY NOT SURE NOW
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Jen: How do you have a robot!
Moss: I built him.
Richmond: AFFIRMATIVE.
Jen: That'a amazing! What can he did?
Moss: Anything a human can do but TEN TIMES BETTEr.
Richmond: OTHER THAN MASTER THIS THING YOU HUMANS CALL...LOVE.
Jen: He's amazing! Why do you work in this IT department if you're such a genius, Moss?
Moss: Well, I, uhh, have a problem...
Roy: He keeps goosing women! Over ten thousand women, goosed!
Moss: I just can't help it! Their butts are so goosable!
Jen: You better not goose me!
Moss: I promise I won't.
(She turns her back for a second. Moss runs up and gooses her.)
Moss: DAMN IT!
Jen: How dare you!
Roy: Oh, uhh, that wasn't him. It was me.
Jen: In that case...tee hee!
Moss: Thanks for lying to protect me, pal!
Jen: I knew it!
(Jen SLAPS Moss. Stupid audience boos. Richmond's arms transform into guns.)
Richmond: RICHMOND UNIT WILL EXECUTE HUMAN FEMALE.
Jen: You gave it guns!
Roy: Well, you can't deny that guns are awesome!
(Roy and Moss pull their guns out and fire them into the ceiling.)
Richmond: Yeehaw!
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE END MAYBE
Moss: I built him.
Richmond: AFFIRMATIVE.
Jen: That'a amazing! What can he did?
Moss: Anything a human can do but TEN TIMES BETTEr.
Richmond: OTHER THAN MASTER THIS THING YOU HUMANS CALL...LOVE.
Jen: He's amazing! Why do you work in this IT department if you're such a genius, Moss?
Moss: Well, I, uhh, have a problem...
Roy: He keeps goosing women! Over ten thousand women, goosed!
Moss: I just can't help it! Their butts are so goosable!
Jen: You better not goose me!
Moss: I promise I won't.
(She turns her back for a second. Moss runs up and gooses her.)
Moss: DAMN IT!
Jen: How dare you!
Roy: Oh, uhh, that wasn't him. It was me.
Jen: In that case...tee hee!
Moss: Thanks for lying to protect me, pal!
Jen: I knew it!
(Jen SLAPS Moss. Stupid audience boos. Richmond's arms transform into guns.)
Richmond: RICHMOND UNIT WILL EXECUTE HUMAN FEMALE.
Jen: You gave it guns!
Roy: Well, you can't deny that guns are awesome!
(Roy and Moss pull their guns out and fire them into the ceiling.)
Richmond: Yeehaw!
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE END MAYBE
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Jen: So we need to up productivity by 400% or we're all fired!
Moss: I could jerk off four times as often!
Roy: That won't help! And you already jerk off four times as often as any other human being to ever exist!
Moss: Who said that? I can't see! Because I've gone blind! From jerking off too much!
(He comically walks into a wall.)
Jen: Stop jerking around!
Moss: I haven't even started yet!
Roy: Well, an IMPORTANT CLIENT is coming in for a meeting later today. He owns a BUS COMPANY and we're trying to convince him to put our computers on his buses!
Jen: That seems like a perfect opportunity to up our productivity by 400%!
Roy: Yes, but he's a total badball! He doesn't even like Space Quest! He'll never agree to let us put our computers on his buses!
Moss: It's a fool's errand!
Roy: Unless...he does like sexy women.
Moss: That's true. He showed us that sexy pen one time!
Jen: But where will we find a sexy woman aorund here!
(Roy and Moss stare at her.)
Jen: Oooooh...well, what would I have to do?
Roy and Moss: Sleep with him!
Jen: I'm not sleeping with a bus company guy just to up productivity by 400%!
Roy: Ah, c'mon!
Moss: Do it for us, sweetcheeks!
Richmond: PROSTITUTE YOURSELF, HUMAN FEMALE.
Jen: No! This is sick and sexist!
Boss: Did somebody say SEXY?
(Boss walks in with BUS COMPANY MAN who is morbidly obese and eating a gigantic hamburger.)
Bus Company Man: PHWOAR, look at her!
Moss: She just agreed to sleep with you if you let us put computers on your buses!
Bus Company Man: DONE!
(Boss takes out a calculator.)
Boss: 400% exactly, congratulations!
(Bus Man puts Jen over his shoulder and walks out with her.)
Bus Company Man: You're coming with me!
Jen: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Jen pulls her high heel off and stabs Bus Company Man in the back of the head with it. He dies.)
Jen: What...no...I didn't mean to kill him...oh no...
Boss: Don't worry, he already signed the contract!
Moss and Roy: Yeehaw!
(They fired guns into the ceiling while Jen stares at the blood on her hands.)
Moss: I could jerk off four times as often!
Roy: That won't help! And you already jerk off four times as often as any other human being to ever exist!
Moss: Who said that? I can't see! Because I've gone blind! From jerking off too much!
(He comically walks into a wall.)
Jen: Stop jerking around!
Moss: I haven't even started yet!
Roy: Well, an IMPORTANT CLIENT is coming in for a meeting later today. He owns a BUS COMPANY and we're trying to convince him to put our computers on his buses!
Jen: That seems like a perfect opportunity to up our productivity by 400%!
Roy: Yes, but he's a total badball! He doesn't even like Space Quest! He'll never agree to let us put our computers on his buses!
Moss: It's a fool's errand!
Roy: Unless...he does like sexy women.
Moss: That's true. He showed us that sexy pen one time!
Jen: But where will we find a sexy woman aorund here!
(Roy and Moss stare at her.)
Jen: Oooooh...well, what would I have to do?
Roy and Moss: Sleep with him!
Jen: I'm not sleeping with a bus company guy just to up productivity by 400%!
Roy: Ah, c'mon!
Moss: Do it for us, sweetcheeks!
Richmond: PROSTITUTE YOURSELF, HUMAN FEMALE.
Jen: No! This is sick and sexist!
Boss: Did somebody say SEXY?
(Boss walks in with BUS COMPANY MAN who is morbidly obese and eating a gigantic hamburger.)
Bus Company Man: PHWOAR, look at her!
Moss: She just agreed to sleep with you if you let us put computers on your buses!
Bus Company Man: DONE!
(Boss takes out a calculator.)
Boss: 400% exactly, congratulations!
(Bus Man puts Jen over his shoulder and walks out with her.)
Bus Company Man: You're coming with me!
Jen: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Jen pulls her high heel off and stabs Bus Company Man in the back of the head with it. He dies.)
Jen: What...no...I didn't mean to kill him...oh no...
Boss: Don't worry, he already signed the contract!
Moss and Roy: Yeehaw!
(They fired guns into the ceiling while Jen stares at the blood on her hands.)