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Wacky Reviews: Red Dwarf

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
YEAH, WHY NOT.

The End - I think the reason first started watching Red Dwarf wasn't because it was funny but because of how cool I thought it looked. That sound strange now looking at the pretty cheap sets, but I think it was genuinely impressive when I first saw it. It looks like a proper science fiction show (on a 1988 BBC budget.) It doesn't look silly. And I think that's part of what makes Red Dwarf so special: it's a science fiction comedy. It's not a spoof science fiction series that makes fun of science fiction (well okay it does do that sometimes but not in a "hahaha stupid nerds like this shit" way), it uses cool science fiction concepts to tell its sitcom stories. That's cool! It's a cool show. Especially when you're ten or whatever age I was when I first watched (I didn't see the earliest episode in their initial run.)

And this is a really great opening episode. It holds up as the brilliantly written pilot it is. The hilarious interplay between Lister and Rimmer is right there from the start. The episode lays out the basics of everything we need to know, about them and the ship. Then we skip ahead three million years and get the classic "everybody's dead Dave" and Rimmer's a hologram and there's Cat and there's really a lot in just half an hour and it's hilarious all the way through. One of the best first episodes of any show. Here are some random thoughts.

- Chris Barrie is just a fantastic comedy actor. Watch the exame scene, it's masterpiece.
- Craig Charles isn't much of an ACTOR yet but he's very funny!
- Toddhunter was cool. He should have been in it more.
- It's said that there's 169 people on the ship, which seems really low. Especially when you consider that there's a prison on the ship!
- There's absolutely nothing to suggest that Lister and Kochanski ever dated. She just seems to be someone he flirted with whenver he was in the drive room.
- Frankenstein was a clever cat to not start miaowing until Rimmer left the room!
- Cat is barely in it but he's A HOOT for every second he's on screen.
- "Look out, Earth. The slime's coming home!" is a brilliant closing line and mission statement.

SCORE: 9/10


Future Echoes - This one goes right to a big science fiction concept as Red Dwarf is approaching the speed of light and we see flashes of the future. It's funny and clever! It's not as good as the first episode but it's still really good and Cat tries to eat a robot goldfish and there's Talkie Toaster there.

- The Scutters bashing their heads against the wall is cute but one of them is totally missing the wall!
- The thing with the one armed 171 year old Lister could STILL HAPPEN!
- Lister doesn't seem too bothered that his son is going to die aged 25.

SCORE: 7.5/10


Balance of Power - This episode, on the other hand, is not very good. Like I know we all enjoy Lister and Rimmer sitting around talking to each other, but there's really nothing happening here at all and it's not really their funniest interactions (there's some funny lines of course like "Rimmer. To rhyme with SCUM.") I do like the part where Rimmer appears in Kochanski's body at the end and the underappreciated Clare Grogan does a good job ("I'm having a woman's period!") but this is a weak episode on the whole.

- So yeah it's confirmed Lister and Kochanski never went out with each other. Let's remember that!

SCORE: 6/10


Waiting for God - This is much better but still not one of the more memorable episode. I love Rimmer becoming obsessed with the garbage pod and think its an alien pod ("THE QUAGAARS!") But this is also the episode with the mythology of the Cat people And I mean the ONLY episode with it as I don't think it's ever mentioned at all again. Maybe because it makes no sense at all when you think about it? How would they have remembered things about Lister when Frankenstein was just a normal cat and not capable of remembering things about Lister and it's been three million years and no religion is going to last that long and there's an old man with one black hand(!) and...it's probably best not to think about it or mention it again. But still this is a fine episode!

- It's mentioned by Holly in the opening that Lister lied about passng the chef exam so Balance of Power was completely pointless.

SCORE: 7/10
 
Confidence and Paranoia - This is an episode that feels like it would have been better in later (well, as late as series six) years. Not just because the higher budget could have helped the "Lister's dreams are becoming solid" plot but maybe also because of Craig Charles' better acting in the later years. But anyway it's still pretty good! Craig Ferguson of later US chat show fame is good as Confidence with his terrible American accent (he mispronounces words! Like an American!) Paranoia is just kind of there but he's fine! Lister trying to have another hologram runing has been a loose story arc for the first series and he seems to succeed here but ends up with a second Rimmer. Oops!

- I like how Cat pretty much ignores everything else that's going on and does his own wacky thing. Like a real cat!
- "...I'd like to introduce you to Stab 'im, one of our Scutters.
- Yvonne McGruder (the ship's female boxing champion) is mentioned for the first time! I always enjoyed the references to her when I first watched. And with my 2015 sensibilities...it turns out Rimmer raped her. Huh. That's ruined that.

SCORE: 7/10


Me2 - Gazpacho soup! Any time another sitom has done the "I didn't know it was served cold!" joke I've thought "THEY STOLE THAT FROM RED DWARF." I mean they probably didn't, but it's what I always think. Chris Barrie again puts in a great performance. The fight between the two Rimmers is funny but it's also pretty brutal. It's a good end to the series.

- Of course after Lister turns the second Rimmer off, he could surely then replace him with Kochanski? He just seems to forget about wanting a hologram of her.

SCORE: 8/10


Kryten - Hey! Kryten already! And...what's with his voice? No, WHAT'S WITH HIS FACE. FUCKING HELL. What's even going on with his ears? He looks downright disturbing. I can see why they changed him here. It's interesting that the main characters don't interact with Kryten until the last ten minutes of the episode. I'm not complaining, it was common for Red Dwarf to start with lots of comedy and not really get to the plot until the second half. But it means Kryten's whole arc is done in less than ten minutes, which is quite funny to think about. I mean Kryten's whole character is being subservient and Lister trying to teach him to rebel. Lister manages it easily here and Kryten is off on his space bike after painting Rimmer on the toilet. So really there's no need for Kryten to ever appear again! He's done! Except he's not...

- Blue Midget makes its first appearance.
- The studio audience are in literal hysterics at everything involving Androids, the spoof soap opera. Neighbours was FUCKING HUGE at the time.
- Rimmer wants people to thnk his nickname was "Ace".

SCORE: 7.5/10


Better Than Life - Remember the Red Dwarf novels? I read them all, okay, and they were really good. They went into a lot more detail on some of the concepts, such as the Better Than Life game. This makes sense because the show's budget means that Lister and Cat's ultimate fantasy invovles...playing golf. What a boring ultimate fantasy (I assume it's because they were able to film on a golf course.) Also the "mermaid" looks so awful that it's hilarious, so it still works. It's anotgher good episode for Rimmer as we get a lot of details about his completely twisted family life. And find out that his middle name is Judas.

- Rimmer mentions that he has three brothers.

SCORE: 8/10
 
Thanks For The Memory - I remember when I was young I liked Red Dwarf and I had friends who didn't watch it. And there was an episode on tv and I persuaded them to watch it I guess and it was this episode and my friend said "that was actually really good!" So I have fond memories of this episode. And it holds up! It's the best since the pilot. It had a clever story (a bit like that TNG episode but this came first!) but it's another great character episode for Rimmer (and Lister really.) The scenes with sad drunken Rimmer are really well acted and sad, but it never slips too far into melodrama as they always keep it funny (such as when Rimmer starts singing.) It's a good cautionary tale against implanting your memories in a friend's head.

- Holographic Projection Cage, eh? Why would he need that when he's projected from a light bee? (Because they haven't thought of the Light Bee yet.)
- I like the observation dome thing and the sad music that plays when people are in it.

SCORE: 9/10


Stasis Leak - This episode is weird because I barely remembered its existence. I mean once I started watching it I started to remember things, but it feels kind of easy to forget? Which is weird because it's good. It's like a more ambitious version of Future Echoes. I like seeing scenes of the ship before the accident! I think the problem is that it doesn't feel like a self-contained story? It sets up a mystery and resolves it with "see you in five years!" But of course none of it's ever mentioned again. I know Red Dwarf can be light on continuity, but the stuff on Future Echoes does come up again so this episode by comparison doesn't seem as important. But it's fun and funny anyway.

- Kochanski looks cute in that hat.
- Though it's really obvious in the very last scene that Clare Grogan wasn't available so they just stuck the hat on some other girl and hoped no one would notice.
- 2,500 decks is pretty insane (again I remember the size of the ship being portrayed a lot better in the novels.)
- Peterson is Rory from Doctor Who's dad so there's a Doctor Who connection FOR ALL YOU NERDS.

SCORE: 8/10


Queeg - Another of the most memorable from the first two years, this is the most Holly centric episode ever and it's a good one. I know Norman Lovett turned out to be an absolute shit in real life but he's very funny as Holly. The "jape of the century" bit I think is one of those classic Red Dwarf moments.

- Chris Barrie is good at doing voices.

SCORE: 8.5/10


Parallel Universe - It's the episode with Tongue Tied! That's what everyone remembers. Danny John Jules is a talented singer and dancer. My memory of this episode was basically "Tongue Tied was great, the rest was not." And Tongue Tied WAS great and then the rest...it started off pretty good! There was a theme to it in how Rimmer and Lister (and Cat to a lesser extent) view women. And having them meet female versions of themselves and then be forced to confront how they behave is a good idea and tumblr would have loved it...but it completely runs out of steam halfway through. It's like they run out of plot so all they have is repeating the same jokes about Lister and Rimmer being disturbed by their female selves again and again. And it's not even funny! There's barely any jokes, it's just "how can you behave like that!" again and again. It's repetitive and boring and that's something Red Dwarf rarely is. Also the Dog is shit. Fuck that. And I don't buy that female Lister wouldn't care about male Lister being pregnant because she's supposed to be the exact same as him and we know our Lister is a sappy guy who wouldn't walk out on a pregnant version of himself. So yeah this episode doesn't really work. But Tongue Tied is great!

- I like how scared Craig Charles looks during Tongue Tied

SCORE: 6.5/10
 
Backwards - This is an episode everyone remembers. I think maybe it's an episode that was my favourite when I was a kid, but watching back now I think there's much better episodes. It's still good though! It's funny. OF COURSE the whole backwards things makes no sense: for example we see Lister uneating the guy's pie, then the guy's angry at him, then the fight starts, then he's in another part of the bar before being thrown through a window. So from the point of view of the backwards people, that means Lister was standing up there, was thrown through the window for no reason, had a fight, then a guy accused him of eating his pie, THEN Lister ate the pie. So that doesn't really work! But why am I worrying about Red Dwarf stories making sense?

- This is the first episode with the new opening and I liked the old opening but this feels like the "classic" era of Red Dwarf. It will last 24 episodes.
- It's also the first episode with Hattie Hayridge. She's not BAD but I do prefer Norman Lovett. His voice was better? His deadpan delivery? Whereas she just delivers the lines like Holly is thick. I know Holly IS thick but I liked how Norman played it. I hope I'm not secretly sexist.
- Come to think of it, Holly just disappears from the episode after talking to Rimmer and Kryten once on Earth. It's weird.
- Kryten fits right in with the rest of the cast well and thankfully his face isn't as terrifying now.
- Cat seems more intelligent and human now.
- Starbug appears for the first time. It looks cooler than Blue Midget.
- Originally the opener was going to be about pregnant Lister giving birth to Jim and Bexley. I'm pretty happy that they didn't do that because I can't imagine pregnant Lister jokes being all that funny. It's all explained away in the opening Star Wars scroll bit, but of course Bexley still has to come back to the ship sometime to die like in Future Echoes...

SCORE: 8.5/10


Marooned - So this one's a classic. It's like all the previous Lister/Rimmer conversation scenes have been rehearsals for this episode. It's the best episode so far! I don't have much more to say.

- I enjoy mentions of Porky Roebuck.
- Rimmer pressing buttons? RIMMER SMELLING THE BURNING WOOD!?
- Lister asks Rimmer how he lost his virginity and apparently believes his story even though he already knows Rimmer has only had sex once (with Yvonne McGruder.)

SCORE: 10/10
 
Polymorph - This is another episode that's probably one of the first five episodes you'd think of if someone shouted "RED DWARF" in your face. And it's another great one! It has that scene where Lister's pants shrink and Kryten tries to get them off and he's wearing his groinal attachement and Rimmer walks in and I probably used to think it was the funniest thing ever and it still holds up as very funny! Any episode where the cast get to play alternative versions of themself is usually very funny (Red Dwarf does that A LOT, possibly because of the success of this episode.)

- The studio audience are REALLY INTO this episode.
- The Polymorph manages to suck Rimmer's anger out through his forehead even though he's a hologram and I GIVE UP pointing out all these hologram errors.
- We see Rimmer's mum.

SCORE: 10/10


Bodyswap - So just to cut to the main thrust of the episode, Lister and Rimmer swap bodies so we get to see Chris Barrie play Lister and Craig Charles play Rimmer. Sounds funny? It is a bit, EXCEPT they dub in the original actor's voice, so it's still Charles voicing Lister and Barrie voicing Rimmer. Which is annoying? I would have much perfered if they'd just let the actors play each other's characters properly. This is one of the weaker episodes from the classic era.

- The whole "there isn't really a bomb" thing from Holly was pretty weak.
- Amusingly they totally redid the Starbug/Blue Midget chase scene with CGI for the remastered episodes...then nobody liked them and they never show the remastered episodes anymore. I kind of feel a bit sorry for them with all the effort they must have gone to.

SCORE: 7.5/10


Timeslides - This is an episode that doesn't seem to get mentioned all that often? Which is strange since it's another really great episode. It's this year's time travel story but the travelling into photographs thing is really clever and well done. I like seeing Rimmer and Lister's young selves. And Hitler guest stars! What's not to like?

- "Crypto-fascist."
- So, Rimmer's alive at the end then dies again (and is a hologram again next week.) So do Lister, Cat and Kryten remember Rimmer as being alive up until this point now? Has every previous episode been rewritten? I KNOW it's Red Dwarf and it doesn't matter but it's something to think about!
- Tension Paper should be a real thing.
- Ruby Wax! She's kind of famous.

SCORE: 9/10
 
The Last Day - This episode's okay. It's not super memorable but I enjoy the Silicon Heaven stuff and the Marilyn Monroe Bot. The evil robot at the end feels a bit tagged on but I like how Kryten defeats it by lying about Silicon Heaven. This is on the weaker side for series 3 but still a funny and entertaining episode. Series 3 has been reliably entertaining!

- "No Silicon Heaven? Where would all the calculators go!"

SCORE: 8/10
 
Did you notice KOO STARK also known as CAMIE FROM THAT STAR WARS DELETED SCENE as Sabrina Mulholland-Jjones in Timeslides?
 
No! But I did think "she would have been attractive in 1977" when she appeared (she was still attractive.)

Camille - Ah, it's the one with the "smeee heeeee" scene! That is funny. OF COURSE Krysten lied at the end of the previous episode but maybe he finds it easier to lie to other droids than to humans. Anyway all the lying stuff is the best part of the episode. The stuff when everyone sees Camille as their ideal girl (except Cat who just sees himself!) is good too. The stuff with Kryten and Camille on a date and then "oh yeah I have a husband blob!" That's the weakest part. But it's okay! It's a good episode on the whole! It's hard to rate Red Dwarf but I think as long as it's funny it's worth 8/10.

- It's series 4 and they seem to have had another budget increase! There's more corridors?
- This is the first time GELFs have been mentioned!

SCORE: 8/10
 
D.N.A. - This is another episode I barely remembered. When Kryten turned human I thought "huh, they did a Kryten turns human episode?" It wasn't until the scene with the spare heads that I thought "oh yeah, it's the Kryten turns human episode." It's okay! The scene where Kryten is showing his dick pics to Lister is the best part? Kryten as a human instantly turns into a total dick and there are times Kryten can be a bit dickish. After most of the episode being about human Kryten, the ending is about a vindaloo monster and I mean I could have done without it. It fees like they thought "we need some action" so stuck a vindaloo monster on at the end and turned Lister into (small) Robocop.

- Lister's relationship with Kochanski is retconned as he says here that they did date for a while.

SCORE: 7.5/10


Justice - This one actually has a similar structure as the previous episode with them being chased by a monster (a simulant) after the main plot (Rimmer's trial) is over. The difference is that the simulant is the whole reason they go to the justice planet and the fight with him is amusing because they're in the justice zone and everything that happens to him is reversed. Anyway the Rimmer stuff is good too. This is good.

- So yeah it's now retconned that Red Dwarf had a crew of 1,169 which makes a lot more sense!
- I remember when I was young I never really got the ending where Lister is talking about justice and then falls down a hole and everyone looks disgusted by him and locks him in. I do get the joke now (he's going on too much and it's annoying them) but I still don't really find it that funny.
- This is the first time a simulant has appeared and like GELFs they'll be back. Possibly too often.

SCORE: 8.5/10


White Hole - I always liked this episode and still do! It has some science fictiony stuff but doesn't get bogged down in it and it's funny. There's the "so what is it?" scene. Also it's the best even girl Holly has been. They should have kept her smart because she's much funnier that way. Her cutting delivery is better than her thick delivery. I like the "you really are a total Smeghead, Rimmer" line because of how she says it. I'm saying this was a good episode for girl Holly.

- The joke where Cat suggests something and Kryten points out why it wouldn't work will be done again (also Blackadder does it better.)
- Space Corp Directives are mentioned but I think they were mentioned before and I forgot to note it sorry.
- Talkie Toaster!

SCORE: 9/10


Dimension Jump - I have praised Chris Barrie before but I will praise him again for playing too very different versions of Rimmer here. What's most interesting is there's no actual hope offered for our Rimmer. There isn't a moment where he thinks "maybe Ace is right about some things" and there's no moment where Ace thinks "actually maybe there's some good in Arnie after all." It's pretty brutal about just saying "no, our Rimmer is a cowardly shit." Which is good! I like that. I sure hope they don't ruin it later.

- I think this is the last time we see a Skutter until Series 8 which is sad.
- "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast" is a reall good line. I sure hope they don't overuse it later!

SCORE: 10/10


Meldown - This is the first time we see Rimmer's light bee! At least! It kind of explains how he can touch things sometimes, I guess, since he has a physical prescene. Crazy Riker is amsuing. Cat and Lister teleportering around Hitler is amausing. The episode is pretty good!

- This is the third version of Marilyn Monroe we've seen. Is that a SECRET CLUE?
- They have a matter transporter now let's remember that.

SCORE: 8/10
 
Maybe he doesn't need to use the light bee on Red Dwarf because Holly can project him without it and he only uses it when he goes off ship or wants to lie down on bed and make the pillow look like the actor's head is touching it.
 
Holoship - It's another good episode for Rimmer's character. He's the most developed character (at this point anyway!) The Holoship is also a cool science fiction concept! It's an episode with a good story and it's funny and that's what you want from Red Dwarf, really.

- The Holoship also looks quite pretty. Good model work.
- I find Jane Horrocks kind of hot in this episode which is weird since I've never found her remotely hot under any other circumstances.
- The scene with Lister mocking the hologram guy is one of the classic Red Dwarf scenes that I think of when I think of Red Dwarf. "Sturdy holowhip."

SCORE: 9.5/10


The Inquisitor - This is another one with a really cool sci-fi plot. A being who has lived to the end of time and now travels through time judging if every other lifeform is worthy of life. That's pretty great! It's a dark episode, the dakest so far, with lots of deaths (of the proper characters and alternative versions of them.) I guess I could criticise it by saying that at times minutes can go by without aything funny happening because it really is quite dark. But it's still funny and has a great story so it's a top level episode.

- I like the continuity references when Lister is describing Rimmer.

SCORE: 9.5/10


Terrorform

This one is good too! Series 5 is really good, you guys. It's the one on a planet created by Rimmer's mind, but it's not Rimmerworld okay so don't get them confused.

- Another "Cat suggests something, Kryten points out the flaws" bit with an excellent mention of Robbie Rocket Pants.
- This episode feels like the highest budget episode so far, somehow?
- They're spending more time on Starbug than on Red Dwarf by now.

SCORE: 9/10
 
Quarantine - I feel like series 5 does a much better job of pacing the episodes. Or having everything in the episodes be part of the plot? Or something. It uses its screentime well. There's no episodes like 'D.N.A.' that feel patched together. They flow better. OKAY? This one is just about a perfect episode of Red Dwarf as it starts with a sci-fi bit, has a plot that comes about naturally by everyone being in character, has some great comedy and then some of the most memorable comedy of the series with Rimmer going mad. And the Luck Virus is in there too! But yeah what everyone remembers is Mr. Flibble and again it's down to Chris Barrie's brilliant comedy performance But the stuff with Lister, Cat and Kryten in quarantine is actually really good too so let's not forget that!

- We see the Space Corp Directives book for the first time as Rimmer gets a holographic copy. That's why he (incorrectly) quotes from it in future episodes!
- Sometimes I don't like it when series relay on re-using popular jokes from previous episodes but I did like Kryten's "Smeeee heeeeee" callback as it was still funny in context OKAY.
- The quarantine set is really obviously just the bunk room with a few small changes?
- This is the episode where Lister says "boys from the Dwarf!" and does that hand things! I was waiting for that.

SCORE: 10/10


Demons and Angels - It's another one with alternate versions of the main characters! It's a funny episode but probaby the weakest of series 5. The "high" versions of the characters are just all the same and the "low" versions are just out and out evil and cruel and not really reflections of what the main characters are like? But it's still fun and has some impressive effects for Red Dwarf.

- Those impressive effects included Starbug smashing through the Dwarf's cargo bay doors and Red Dwarf exploding! They blew up a model of Red Dwarf! I was thinking "did they blow up the only model they had knowing that they wouldn't need it again?" But the original model was destroyed at some point during series 3 apparently and they'd been using stock footage since then for all the shots of the Dwarf. So this was a new model they made just to blow up. But this IS the last time we see the Dwarf until the very end of series 7 (and it's CGI then) and we don't see the inside again until series 8 (where it's all different.) So it's the end of an era.
- Holowhips are actually whips holograms can use to strike humans? Okay.

SCORE: 8.5/10


Back To Reality - This is an episode that is often named the best ever and it's certianly a strong contender. It's another one with a great plot, one of the most serious plots they've done. It's still funny, of course! I like Wormtail from Harry Potter as the "twonk" guy.

- It's funny how in this fake reality they make out that Lister getting with Kochanski is the ultimate goal of his character IN A VIDEO GAME. Not in real life. Remember that for later!
- Duane Dibley!
- Kryten's grizzled cop speech!
- This is a really good episode.

SCORE: 10/10

So yeah series 5 is the best series. Unless I end up thinking 6 is better, but I think 5 will still take it.
 
Psirens - It's series six and it's ALL CHANGE! Red Dwarf has been stolen by persons unknown, everything's on Starbug now and Lister's just woken up from two hundred years deep sleep with amnesia. That last one seems to be because they want to spend about the first ten minutes of the episode getting new viewers caught up with what this show is all about. They've never done that before and I'm kind of baffled by it. Did lots of people suddenly decide to start wathing this cult sci-fi comedy in its sixth series, having never see an episode before? I don't know. It gets the episode off to a slow start. The main plot kicks off and it's...kind of meh. Psirens appearing as people to tempt the crew down to the rocks and eat their brains. It's a bit too similar to plots they've done before? I mean the previous episode saw the crew come across dead bodies who had been killed by and ilusion-inducing alien and this is basically the same thing! There's some funny lines, of course, the cast are still good, and Kryten activates "smug mode" and I loved the final appearance by Clare Grogan as Kochanski (THE REAL KOCHANSKI) and the mention of "Jim and Bexley" (it kind of lines up with the five years later thing from Stasis Leak too!) But this is the worst episode in years.

- Because Starbug is the only set now it's slightly bigger! It has a kitchen! Some stairs! A basement!? Maybe this is a different Starbug than the one they used to use. Or Kryten built extra rooms during the two hundred years.
- Bigger budget again, probably! More model work! A spaceship graveyard (yes I read Red Dwarf wiki so I know there were familiar ships there thanks.) It's impressive!
- "Lister, tune in to Sanity FM" is a good line at least.
- In an attempt to make Cat more useful he now has super reflexes and super smelling that makes him a great pilot. Fair enough! He's also started saying "we're dead than *item of clothing*" in every episode...
- So about those running gags which really start to become more prominent here. Are they a bit lazy? I remember once pointing out that I didn't think Blackadder 4 was quite as good as 2 or 3 because it relied on sitcommy running form gags but everyone was just like "ARE YOU CRAZY IT WAS SET DURING THE WAR". Which was a good point, yes, but Red Dwarf isn't set during a war! I don't know where I'm going with this.
- The episode ends with them flying into a nebula like Janeway looking for coffee.

SCORE: 7/10


Legion - This is more like it! This was always one of my favourite episodes and it still holds up! It has a decent sci-fi plot but it doesn't get bogged down by it and has plenty of laughs throughout! Legion is a good guest character. This is how I like Red Dwarf to be!

- Rimmer gets his hard light hologram and FINALLY I don't have to get slightly annoyed every time we hear his footsteps!
- HOW CAN RIMMER HAVE HIS APPENDIX OUT AGAIN OMG IT'S THAT COMMONLY BROUGHT UP CONTINUITY ERROR THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT REALLY.
- Is "Are you absolutely sure, sir, it would mean changing the bulb?" the best line in all of Red Dwarf? I used to think it was! Not sure now.
- This still has a different feel from previous years where the balance between sci-fi and comedy has ever so slightly shifted (but this episode is very funny so it's not a problem here.)

SCORE: 9.5/10


Gunmen of the Apocalype - This is certainly an ambitious episode! We start with Lister in a detective simulation, we get more model stuff with Starbug destroying the simulant ship, and the of course there's the old west setting and a shoot out! Plus it's funny! There's the part with Lister and Cat talking with their chins which I found really funny 22 years ago(!) and it's still amusing to my dying mind. So yeah this is one of the best remembered episodes and it is very good. I wouldn't say it's my all time favourite, thinking about it there's no completely classic lines. I think for an episode to be "BEST EVER" level it would need the comedy and the plot to both be the very top level and this one has a top level plot but there's been funnier episodes (this is very funny too!) Anway these latest two episodes have redeemed series 6 after a shaky start.

- I like the western version of the theme music we get at the end and the music that plays every time The Riveria Kid says his name. I probably should have mentioned the music in earlier episodes as well. Sorry.

SCORE: 9.5/10
 
Emohawk: Polymorph 2 - Well that episode title is worrying. This is an episode where they bring back not just the polymorph but also Duane Dibley and Ace Rimmer (and I guess they're bring back the Gelfs from Camille though these Gelfs are pretty different.) The three big returns don't happen until the last ten minutes though. The episode starts with Starbug being chased by a Space Corps drone thing, which is actually quite interesting! But it's quickly dropped and then we have Lister marrying an ugly Gelf girl. This is kind of weak. I know Red Dwarf has never been the most mature show ever but they seem to be upping the gross-out humour this series. Then they run away so the Gelfs send their Emohawk after them. And it turns Cat and Rimmer into Duane and Ace. The Polymorph fed off negative emotions, but I guess the emohawk is different and just brings back popular charaters. But without the depth those characters had before! Duane is just used for "nerds don't have sex!" jokes and Ace just talks in his Ace voice in a bad wig. The actors are good, of course, and the studio audience love cheering Duane and Ace (and someone cheers when Duane mentions a "triple thick condom." THIS ISN'T AMERICA, STOP CHEERING.) If they were going to do a sequel to three classic episodes they should have at least made it good. This isn't very good.

- Of course there's still funny stuff in there like Kryten and the Gelf Chief shaking feet.
- Ainsley Harriet plays the Gelf Chief, Gagh!

SCORE: 6.5/10


Rimmerworld - Well, this should be better! It's about Rimmer and Rimmer's great! Terrorform was great last series and this sounds the same and...it's...not really all that good? I mean it's a fine episode. There's funny stuff, especially at the start. A planet full of Rimmers is a great concept for an episode...then they do exactly nothing with that concept. The crew show up, the Rimmers say they're abominations for not being horrible people and then they lock the up with our Rimmer. Then they just teleport out and that's it. There's no pay off to the whole Rimmerworld concept and for an episode about Rimmer there's surprisingly little character stuff for Rimmer beyond the "he's a horrible person!" stuff. Which I don't think even works here because Rimmer doesn't actually believe himself that he's a horrible person. He think he's that way because of the horrible circumstances of his life and Terrorform showed that there's still a some good in him that can be brought out by boosting his self esteem. But this just throws all that away to say "haha, Rimmer's a shit." It's weird. It's like the Rimmerworld part is so rushed and the writers didn't have any ideas what to do with it beyond just throwing everyone in jail. Again this isn't a bad episode, it's certainly much better than the previous one, but it's been the biggest disappointment for me watching it back because I remember it being better (maybe my memory was confusing it with the superior Terrorform.)

- What's the point of the whole "Rimmer is going to die of stress soon!" bit at the start? It doesn't come up again (and he's still alive after six hundred years!) and only sees to exist to set up the joke with the stress balls.
- I like how Rimmer gets over the moral dilemma of shagging his sister by saying "I just won't tell her."
- I like how angry Kryten gets at the thought of the timeline being disrupted.
- The Simulant lady fom Gunmen is back again in a pretty funny scene (and yes she is hot.)

SCORE: 7.5/10


Out Of Time - We finish on a high as this episode is funny all the way through and has a good story (it's impressive how funny it is when it was literally written on set! They didn't have a finished script when they started filming.) Kryten being a dick to Lister when he thinks he's a robot is very funny ("What do you think of the picket fence?") The hilariously bad special effects on the unreality bubbles only make them funnier! The older versions of the crew like to hang out with the Hitlers. After the disappointment of the previous episode this one has a great brave moment for Rimmer ("Better dead than smeg.") and it feels earned. It ends on a huge cliffhanger and unfortunately we'll never see it resolved as this is the last episode of Red Dwarf ever. Isn't it?

- They actually filmed everythng going back to normal and Rimmer saving the day but the BBC ordered the to have a cliffhanger instead so they ended on Starbug exploding.
- I remember at the time I had a theory that the whole second half of the episode was an illusion caused by the unreality bubbles and that's how they'd get out of the cliffhanger. But I guess that would have been too similar to Back To Reality.
- Though it is strange that they put in that bit where Lister and Cat go into deep sleep? It seemed to be possibly there to set up that everything after that was all a dream Lister was having. Well it did to me anyway.
- The part where they travel back in time and are still three million years into deep space is clever and funny.
- Yes I am going to continue reveiwing episodes when I can face watching them. I feel it's my duty.

SCORE: 9/10
 
Tikka To Ride - And we're back. It's been over three years since Red Dwarf 6 ended on a cliffhanger. I remember at the time wondering if Red Dwarf would ever come back. Craig Charles was imprisoned for a while on false accusations of rape so that kind of made it look unlikely for a time! Rob Grant left the series so Doug Naylor went it alone for series 7. I didn't know that at the time as it was before I had the internet. So I didn't really undersand why this new episode, the one I'd been waiting for all those years...wasn't very good. For a stat it's it put through some film effect to make it look like it's been shot on film because Doug Naylor has become obsessed with the idea of making a Red Dwarf movie and probaly thoght if he made the tv show look like a movie somebody would say "we'll make a movie!" It didn't work. I remember all the rumours of a film gong on for years (I distinctly remember the "MADONNA AND JACKIE CHANG WILL CAMEO"rumour) but really I just wanted the tv show to be good. Red Dwarf isn't a movie! It's a sitcom. It should look like a sitcom but in space! Because of the new filming style there's no studio audience and there's a laughtrack insead, which makes it feel less warm and more artificial (the Extended version of the episode has no laugh track even and that's the version I watched on Netflix so that's eve weirder.) And then there's the story! It seems to be trying really hard to be a serious science fiction story. They actually put some thought into what could have possibly happened if Kennedy had survived, which is good. But they also forget to make it funny. And worst of all they get the characters wrong.

So Lister in this episode is suddenly a horrible person who doesn't care about anything but curry. Lister isn't like that! He likes curry but he's not a total idiot like he's shown here. Meanwhile Rimmer is just kind of there. Cat has one scene where he sniffs a guy that's kind of funny. Otherwise he does nothing and Danny John Jules looks kind of rough. Kryten is a total dick, but it's because Lister's swapped his head and turned off his guilt chip. Well, that doesn't actually explain why he COOKS A DEAD BODY AND FEEDS IT TO LISTER AND CAT but I guess that was supposed to be funny. Remember me mentioning all the grossout humour in series 6? This is much worse. I vividly remember the first time I watched this the only part I laughed at was when the rest of them beat up Lister at the end (which isn't the end on the extended edition more on that below!) I remember talking about how bad it was with my friends (well, friend) at school the next day! Oh and the thing that annoyed me the most then (and now!) was that the time drive could suddenly take them back to Earth with no explanation after the brilliant joke in Out Of Time where it was shown they'd still be three million years into deep space if they used it. So why don't they just go back to Earth and live there? That's the whole goal of the show, after all! Or at least go back to before Red Dwarf was stolen and stop that from happening? I know it's Red Dwarf and continuity isn't important blah blah blah but it's just insulting to the viewer's intelligence.

So this is the least funny episode ever at this point. There's some good stuff (I like the line about driving the conspiracy theorists crazy by having Kennedy shoot himself) but this just isn't the Red Dwarf we know and love.

- I'm not one of those "ALL CGI IS SHIT MODELS ARE ALWAYS BETTER" people because obviously some CGI is great and some models are shit. But I think that CGI ages far worse than models do? Becasue he have a 1997 CGI Starbug here and it just looks terrible whereas the model Starbug from the previous series (which is still used in some episodes) looked good. Because it's a model and it looks solid and real whereas bad CGI just looks like bad CGI?
- Starbug is bigger because of temporal blah blah who cares.
- So why didn't they just keep it that Rimmer saved the day by destroying the time drive? Instead Lister explains that because the older versions of them killed the younger versions of them that means the older versions never existed and the younger versions were still alive. Why is that better than just giving Rimmer some credit?
- And since the older Kennedy kills the young Kennedy and then the older Kennedy ceases to exist that means there's no older Kennedy to kill the younger Kennedy and the younger Kennedy should still be alive! FOLLOW YOUR OWN RULES, EPISODE.
- Seriously Kryten cooked a guy and they ate him.
- The extended episode has a five minute skit at the end (without Cat in it) where Lister gets stranded in the back of Starbug with loads of curry. It's not funny.

SCORE: 5/10


Stoke Me A Clipper - So Chris Barrie wanted to leave (because of the Brittas Empire I guess? Or he just rightly thought Red Dwarf had gone long enough) and they had to get rid of him. So Ace Rimmer shows up and reveals that all Ace Rimmers are holograms too and they pass the flame on to the next Rimmer and they all become heroes. And then Rimmer becomes a hero really easily after Lister fools him into thinking he's done something slightly heroic. It's not really believable at all but I can cut them some slack as they needed a way to get rid of Rimmer in one episode. It's better than the previous episode just because it's a bit funnier. The stuff with Lister in the holodeck (with Brian Cox as the kind and Sarah Alexander as the hot queen) could almost have fit in an earlier series episode. The intentionally shoddy looking opening with Ace Rimmer is kind of funny (but nowhere near as good as the opening to Dimension Jump.) Racist Ken Morely from CBB is in it. The funeral for Rimmer is kind of touching (though Kryten's "smeeeee heeee" revival feels out of place here because why would have be trying to call Rimmer a smeg head at his funeral anyway?) So yeah this is still one of the worst episodes yet at this point but I find it more tolerable than the previous episode.

- Chris Barrie seems to have forgotten how to do the Ace voice. Or he's doing a different voice on purpose because it's a different Ace? SUBTLE.
- Cat gets about three lines the whole episode.

SCORE: 6.5/10


Ouroboros - So Rimmer's gone and we need someone to replace him. It's Kochanski! Not the Kochanski we remember. This one is English and totally different? You could say it's because she's from a different universe but Lister doesn't ever saying anything about her being different. They just act like she's exactly the same as the one from our universe. Also Chloe Annett looks a lot younger than Craig Charles (because she is) and frankly it's not really believable that they would have ever dated. Remember the scene where Lister flirted with Clare Grogan back in 'The End'? That was believable. This isn't. Chloe Annett is certainly a good looking girl and she does her best but her comic acting isn't as good as the rest of the cast and she feels quite out of place. This is also the episode where we find out that Kochanski is Lister's mother. Yes, that's a real canon thing and Lister KNOWS she's his mother yet is still attracted to her for the rest of the series. You'd thinkk they'd make a massive joke out of Lister impregnating his own mother but no, it's treated like it makes the relationshp more romantic and epic! Yeah that's another thing, in 'Back To Reality' they brilliantly made fun of the idea of Lister and Kochanski being an epic love story over time and space. And now they're playing it straight! I think some people liked the time travel bit because it's made to feel epic and important but I don't think there's enough in the episode to explain why Lister would do this (and of course we never see an episode where he goes back in time and leaves his own baby self in the pub) and it just felt all creepy and weird and not Red Dwarf to me. The worst part of the episode though is Kryten turning ito a whiney jealous jerk. Seriously it's fucking awful. This is the extended episode again so there's no laugh trap and the scene between Lister and crying Kryten plays out like some horrible creepy melodrama. Or horror movie. It's fucking awful. The episode isn't very good on the whole.

- Cat Watch: All he does here is call Kochanski "Officer Bud Babe" several times. It's not funny.
- Rimmer appears in the flashback scene as a reminder that Chris Barrie is much much funnier than Chloe Annett.
- It is good to see Frankenstein again! But isn't she a kitten here? How did she get pregnant?
- Why didn't the Gelf Tribe use their battleships to chase Starbug back in Emohawk?

SCORE: 5/10
 
Duct Soup - This is, no exaggeration, the worst episode of Red Dwarf ever. Mayabe a worse one will come along in series 8, but it's hard to imagine something beating this. Remember Marooned? That classic "two people talking to each other" episode? This tries to do the same thing. But with four people! Which makes it twice as good! No. It makes it fucking terrible and boring and not funny it feels like it lasts four hours. First of all, Kochanski isn't funny. Chloe Annett is good looking and everything so I want to defend her but she is not a good actress. Or at least she is not a good comedy actress. Then again she doesn't have good material. There's a long scene of her talking to some pipes in her room that is just brutal to get through. Then there's Kryten. Terrible series 7 Kryten and his fucking unfunny jealousy of Kochanski and that fucking whining voice he does. Lister meanwhile has changed character every episode this series and in this one he's just...a guy? A bit homophobic in one scene? And Cat...there is no longer a character named Cat in Red Dwarf. He just shows up to say "Officer Bud Babe" a couple of times an episode. This just feels like sitcom shit rather than Red Dwarf. And I mean the barest bones of a sticom. Like this would have all been rejected from an episode of Friends for not being funny enough. It's the most basic "MEN AND WOMAN ARE DIFFERENT LOL" shit and it's just so horrible drawn out and every joke is completely sign-posted and over-explained AND IT'S SHIT. THIS IS SHIT. Doug Naylor should be tied to a chair and be forced to watch this 40 times in a row then get to watch Marooned once and DROWN IN HIS OWN TEARS.

- Kochanski mentions growing up in Glasgow as a nod to her previously being Scottish but it makes no sense when she has the most English accent ever.
- Why does Kryten not know how to deal with women when the crew of the Nova 5 were all women?
- This episode is shit.

SCORE: 1/10


Blue - Remember how Rimmer left forever three episodes ago? Then came back in the very next episode? Well he's back again! It's kind of hard to say goodbye to him when he keeps coming back and reminding you that he's much funnier than Kochanski. Not that the Rimmer material here is actually any good. Okay the kiss with Lister is a bit funny the first time you see it. Then there's the song at the end which some people hold as an all time classic Red Dwarf moment. It's not, but it is one of the better things in series 7 so it drags the quality of this up ever so slightly. Otherwise there's nothing else good in this episode and again no sci-fi story to speak of.

- Why is Rimmer in his hard light hologram outfit in the flashback to Red Dwarf?
- Okay Lister brings up the Nova 5 and Kryten says he ereased his memory of that time. It still doesn't make the "WOMEN WEAR BRAS" stuff funny.

SCORE: 4/10


Beyond A Joke - Yes, this series is beyond a joke, thanks! After the previous two had no plot this one has too much plot. And isn't very funny. Simulants and Gelfs return (well, they dress up as Gelfs in amazingly convincing costumes they made themselves) and Kryten has a brother Able who is a drug addict. That isn't funny. Then go to Jane Austen World and Kryten drives a tank. It isn't funny. The episode ends with some women shitting themselves or something. It isn't funny. I'll give the episode credit for actually having a plot but it doesn't really work. The idea that Kryten was programmed to be a dickhead when really he hasn't been a dickhead until Doug Naylor forgot how to write him in series 7.

- The Simulant guy is played by a guy from Star Wars who had terminal throat cancer at the time and that's why his voice sounded like that and he died shortly after so it's pretty sad.
- Someone in the pre-recorded audience actually CLAPS when Kryten says "he ain't heavy, he's my brother!" Is just saying a line from a song considered the best comedy Red Dwarf can come up with these days?
- The shot of Kryten's head exploding is shockingly bad. I mean it's I know it's Red Dwarf but couldn't they have edited out the blatant model shot before the explosion?
- Robert Llewellyn co-wrote this episode and tried to write a smaller part for Kryten because he was sick of wearing the make-up all the time. Then Doug Naylor re-wrote it and added more Kryten AND a second character for Llewellyn to play. What a dick.

SCORE: 3/10
 
Epideme - Hey, it's a series 6 episode that ACTUALLY HAS A PETTY GOOD PLOT. It would have been a plot from series 6 easily. Of course the episode still isn't very funny, but at least it's not competely boring and empty like Duct Soup and Blue. But yeah on the humour side there's a bit where the salt vampire (I know it's not a salt vampire) gets into bed with Lister and he thinks it's Kochanski. Anything that makes the audience make that "Ewwwwww" noise usually isn't funny and this is no exception. Doug Naylor seems to love having Lister kiss disgusting things. The virus talks like an annoying American talk show host but it's supposed to sound like that so I guess the actor is doing a good job. Lister loses an arm. Kryten makes that whining noise again. Like I said it's got a good plot and some bad humour and that's about as good as you can expect from series 7.

- How did that girl Lister used to know get three million years into space anyway?
- This is the best episode for Kochanski yet as she's shown to be super competent and saves the day. She still isn't funny though.

SCORE: 6/10


Nanarchy - The episode starts with an actual half decent scene where they try to remembe famous people who had one arm to cheer Lister up. It then quickly goes on into the usual over-long, repetitive series 7 humour with Cat saying dumb things, but at least it kind of started okay. After some stuff about Lister being upset about having one arm we finally find out what happened to Red Dwarf. Turns out...Kryten had some super powerful nanites in him all along. And they stole Red Dwarf and used it to do something on a moon(?) and left stuff there including a version of Holly. Then they made a micro Red Dwarf and flew around in it inside Lister's socks. For some reason? And Starbug chasing after Red Dwarf was just them picking up readings from the socks? So yeah this all makes no sense. It's good to see Norman Lovett again and his line delivery is still good...just as a shame he doesn't have very good lines. The nano bots build Lister a new arm but also give him muscles and that's the big end of episode joke. Cat flies by some stock footage of Red Dwarf and it's too big. See you in two years!

- Seriously does anyone like the nano bots explanation?

SCORE: 5/10


Back In The Red Part 1 - So originally this was going to be a one hour episode but they had SO MUCH STORY that they expanded it to 90 minutes. I know I should have watched the whole thing but I couldn't face it. We're back on Red Dwarf and the crew are resurrected by the nanites (haven't there been many occasions where these super powerful nanites would have come in handy over the years?) and I guess they're just resurrected recently and weren't flying aound with the nanites in Lister's socks? And the nanites are back with Kryten and...oh fuck it who cares. Rimmer is back as a human and that's nice but he can't really elevate this material. This is a weirdly paced episode and I know it's because this was supposed to be one 90 minute episode but who'd want to watch 90 minutes of this anyway? There's an attempt to recreate the Lister/Rimmer banter that doesn't work and a really long seen with Kryten in therapy that isn't funny.

- There are some nice little touches like bringing back some of the original actors and recreating Lister and Rimmer's original bunk room set.
- Even though this episode picks up right after the previous one Kochanski looks COMPLETELY different. Couldn't they have at least attempted to make her hair look the same?

SCORE: 4/10
 
Back In The Red Part 2 - Part 1 was bad, no doubt. But this? THIS SHIT? This just completely falls off the cliff quality wise. Like it was a really bad cliff but this one isn't even on that bad cliff. Or something. It's bad! The story is nonsense. Why are they trying the crew for something that is easily proven true (they're three million years into space! They don't need to run a simulation to know that!)? You can see that Naylor's kind of figured out that series 7's problem was too much plot and not enough comedy (though it also managed to have a couple of episodes with no plot or comedy.) Here the plot is really silly (I think on purpose...I think) and there's loads of comedy. But it's all bad! All of it! Rimmer does a Rimmer Salute that lasts a full minute because we all loved the Rimmer salute the first time he did it twelve years ago. Not even Chris Barrie can make this funny. But the comedy low point of this and indeed THE ENTIRE WORLD is the "Dibley family" scene. Because just referencing Duane Dibley EVEN WHEN IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE is funny apparently. Not even the good series 6 could get away with it and here it's just....it's so fucking embarrassing. I remember I actually gave up watching new episodes of Red Dwarf at this point the first time it was on. I don't know if it was because of that scene but it could well have been! Also why would Cat have excitedly suggested dressing up as Dibleys when he hated being Duane Dibley? How does Kochanski know who Duane Dibley is? WHY WOULD THE SCUTTERS DRESS UP AS DUANE DIBLEY. No this is bad. It's bad. Oh and Rimmer's a rapist. There's that too. He uses the sexual magnetism virus to rape female crewmembers and it plays this fucking stupid music every time (Lister tries to rape Kochanski too but its thankfully unsuccessful and yeah you can't help think about how Craig Charles was accused of rape a few years before this.) Haha rape. (Yes it's rape, just like Owen from Torchwood is a rapist.) Rimmer smashes up his cock with a hammer too at one point because fucked if I know this episode is shit.

- Why is Kryten's hand a balloon? WHEN HAS KRYTEN'S HAND EVER BEEN A BALLOON.

Score: 1/10


Back In The Red Part 3 - So this was originally going to be an hour long and it ended up 90 minutes so what does that mean? Padding. So much padding. We start with another unfunny flashforward to Lister and Rimmer in prison, so again we know how the episode is going to end. We then get a FIVE MINUTE recape of the previous episode from Captain Hollister. I swear to you it's five minutes. It shows Rimmer smashing his cock with a hammer again complete with laughter and the FUCKING DIBLEY SCENE again to more laughter. Yeah Hollister also reveals he's really Dennis the Doughnut Boy and he bribed his way to the top. He reveals this ON CAMERA IN A SHIP'S LOG which seems like a spectacularly dumb thing to do but who cares. Then we go back to our heroes trying to escape. Even though we already know this is a simulation and they're going to end up in prison at the end anyway. Then Cat makes Blue Midget dance for no fucking reason to eat up more time. Finally there's a twist that even after they escape the simluation they're actually still in the simulation which has been done a million times in Star Trek. Then it ends with a "Rimmer's going to get raped in prison" joke. This is the drizzling shits but slightly better than the previous piece of shit at least.

- The CGI Red Dwarf unambiguously looks worse than the model did. I guess the use of CGI allows them to do stuff like Blue Midget dancing, but that's not really a good thing here.
- Oh I forgot the claymation bit. It was shit.

Score: 1.5/10


Cassandra - And then, somehow, they mange...to have...a pretty good episode!? In series 8!? How! Was this a leftover script from series 6 or something (apart from the prison shit and the awful Kill Crazy character)? I don't know! But it's a decent story. Cassandra is a pretty good guest character. And some of the humour is smile worthy, at least. The part where Kryten is demonstarting that they can't be killed. Some of Rimmer's lines with Kochanski (and if they're going to do Rimmer being a perv this is at least wihin the lines of acceptability compared to the previous story.) And probably best of all is that it gets Lister's character right. He has morals. He makes a pretty good speech about how he won't kill Cassandra (before accidentally killing her.) I'd thought Naylor had forgotten how to write Lister but there's a glimmer of hope here. Let's see if they can follow up on it!

- Does anyone like Kill Crazy? He's shit.

Score: 7/10


Krytie TV - Oh. Oh. After getting Lister was righ in the previous episode here he's...a pervert who willingly watches Kochanski being filmed naked without her consent. For three hours (why are they having a shower that lasts three hours?) This episode is absolutely terrilble. It has everything that's bad about series 8. First the weird sexism. Was Doug Naylor going through a divorce or something? I mean it's sexist against men and women really as suddenly all our male characters are perverts with no morals and women prisoners skip and paint their nails and take three hour showers. Kryten's character is destroyed. Yeah he's "reprogrammed" (by who? We never find out which of these insane pisoners has the knowledge to reprogramme Kryten) but come on. Oh and it has the stuido audience laughing at every little thing that happens no matter how unfunny. And there's Lister's pubes. And why do the prionsers have beer cans and how does Kryten use them to pimp himself up and oh fuck I don't care. Fuck this.

- Fuck this.

Score: 1/10
 
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