What the...?!

[The Question]

Served in the appropriate Aventinus glass at cellar temperature. Paired with an incredibly tasty wedge of Chimay cheese... prepare for liftoff...

"Liftoff"?! From ONE BEER?! Fuckin' lightweight pussy!

Appearance- The beer pours a light raisiny cognac, with the gorgeous head that has earned its place in beer publications everywhere... four tall fingers of soapy, persistent head that performs with vigor and grace inside the glass.

What the fuck?! "performs with grace and vigor"?! You know, I for one tend to shy away from beer that DOES TRICKS. Is the shit pullin' somersaults in there, little buddy? Are you sure beer is the strongest thing you've indulged in?

After settling for several minutes, it is stalwart and sexy.

Hello! It's BEER! Can we petition some authority somewhere to require professional certification before people can use adjectives? Is THAT what it's come to?!

Smell- Huge banana esters and clove leap out of my glass, landing somewhere behind me.

Well, clean that shit up! Jesus!

Full and obese.

Makes it sound like he's drinkin' 24 ounces of lard...

The alcohol is completely hidden amongst the gigantic wheat character...

"Gigantic wheat character." See, this poor guy is just mindin' his own business, trying to murder a beer review, and here comes the Stay-Puft Cream O' Wheat Man. Oh, the humanity.

Taste- A full, generous dose of wheat and bananas coat the tongue, conceding to the malty, spicy environment that surrounds it.

Dude, keep that kinky shit to a minimum.

Mouthfeel/Drinkability- Slick, slippery, viscous, and mouth filling... a terrific environment for the feel and tastes of this beer.

Sounds more to me like you're describing a glass of snot.

No problem drinking this one, it's truly outstanding and very easy to find.

Yeah, I hate it when you try to put a cold beverage in your mouth and it puts up a fight... :roll:

 

[Blindgroping]

What is it?

 

[Kerb Crawler]

Slick, sexy, and obese, apparently.

 

[Donovan]

Is it wrong that this gave me wood? I can never tell...

"...four tall fingers of soapy, persistent head that performs with vigor and grace inside the glass."

 

[The Question]

^^Yes, that's fundamentally wrong.

 

[Donovan]

Clearly you've never had four fingers of soapy persistent head before.


Well, Let me tell you something...


Neither have I but I bet it's gotta be pretty fun, or something.