Would it have been that hard to make Superman Returns awesome?

[Superman]

I don't think so.

Take the same story, using some of the original ideas that were tossed while editing.

*Superman goes to investigate survivors of Krypton after Luthor plants misinformation about possible signals being received from Krypton's location

*Superman gets there, and we actually SEE the remnants of Krypton.

*Superman becomes weak from all the kryponite and leaves. But he's followed by a mysterious craft that was hiding among the ruins

*Superman returns to Earth. It's been five years. People are glad he's back, not pissed. He made it clear to Lois why he was leaving before he took off, and Lois wrote an article explaining Superman's absence.

*Lois didn't move on. No Richard White, no stupid super-kid. Lois and Clark pick up from where they left off.

*The craft turns out to be Brainiac. He arrives in Earth orbit and begins scanning the planet.

*Luthor has evolved from the previous two films into a melding of the Silver and post-Crisis versions. He's now a powerful Bill Gates type after selling a number of patents.

*Brainiac discovers Luthor's intellect and power, and they team up to destroy Superman. Brainiac wants Superman, Luthor wants the world. They can help each other.

This is only a start.

I mean, how hard was it, really? Fuck you, Brian Singer!

\S/

 

[Denny Crane]

I like that story. Stupid Faggot Bryan Singer had to ruin the biggest movie comeback ever.

 

[Volpone]

Eh. I'm sorry, but I really couldn't get that excited by your take. :shrug:

For me, the problem with "Superman Returns" is that it is so close to being a remake--The Jon Williams theme, Krypton explodes, Superman comes to Earth and is found by Ma Kent, we get some young Clark scenes, Luthor is obsessed with real estate, "it's still safer than drving"...80% of the movie is lifted straight from the 1978 film.

But then they throw in the tidbit that Supes has a bastard child that he abandoned who--oh by the way has super powers AND no Kryptonite weakness. I'm pretty sure that in the 70 years the character has been around, this has never been part of the mythos--not even with the Infinite Earths.

So they had a huge disconnect there. If you're going to stick as closely to the original film as Singer did, you CAN'T have Lil' Bastard. If you're going to have Lil' Bastard, you CAN'T lift the rest of the story from "Superman: the Movie".

 

[Superman]

^^^I completely agree. Singer definitely was out to give the Donner version a blowjob instead of doing his own thing.

The reason I'm hewing so closely to the film as it was is because it's a hypothetical: How do you fix a truly fucked up movie?

Now, if we're talking about completely different takes, I have tons of ideas for that.

Certainly Donner and Geoff Johns' "Last Son" would've been far better. Donner teamed up with Johns to tell the story he intended to tell had he made Superman III. A ship crashes in Metropolis containing a Kryptonian youth. Superman gets there, protects the kid from those who want to poke/prod him, and then decides to adopt him under the name Chris Kent.

We later find out that the kid is Zod and Ursa's son. They were able to conceive in a pocket of the Phantom Zone where time wasn't frozen.

Zod used Chris as his "anchor" to penetrate and ultimately escape from the PZ, along with a gaggle of Kryptonian criminals.

They take over the Earth, Superman kicks some ass after being exiled to the PZ himself, and Chris sacrifices himself to save his adopted father.

There's an epic story for you. We'd be awaiting a third Superman film had this been the plot of Superman Returns.

As for my own ideas, I'll toss them out if anyone seems interested.

And thanks, Denny and Volpone, for reading and responding.

\S/